Chapter 1: What is Fake Dick Friday and how did it originate?
daily bespoke content that you won't find on the radio show the horaki breakfast podcast welcome along to the podcast finally we're here we've been teasing it for so long we've been waylaid it's the deepest tease that jerry's ever experienced in his 30 years as a broadcaster and i've experienced some deep teasers mino top three top five friday top five deep teasers just we would just start we would just start um it was fake dick friday
The first, potentially the last.
Definitely the first ever. I've never heard of a Fake Dick Friday anywhere else.
We pride ourselves on originality here on the show.
It's definitely a broadcasting first. This is not broadcasting, of course. This is podcasting.
Yeah, so get out of it, the BSA. But yeah, if you've been hanging out all week to hear about this, this is a story that was reminded to me.
Reminded to me?
Can that happen? I don't think anything can be reminded to you. On Monday, I was reminded of a story that involved multiple fake dicks, actually, now that I remember it. And I said, we should talk about this on the podcast tomorrow. We never got around to it on Tuesday. I said, we should talk about it tomorrow. On Wednesday, we didn't.
On Wednesday, we realised we also wouldn't get a chance to talk about it on the Thursday. Thus was born the deepest tease in New Zealand broadcasting or podcasting history, Fake Dick Fridays.
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Chapter 2: What challenges do miners face regarding drug testing?
So, and bear with me because I'm remembering this in real time. So what had happened was this person didn't, they'd been on, they'd finished their shift, they'd been on, you know, their week off, but they hadn't had another shift lined up. And all of a sudden they got a call for quite a lucrative offer. Hey, but we need someone back in like 48 hours. Yep. We need you back down here.
You are going to make an ungodly amount of money because it's a last minute call to work. Oh, so you make more because it's last minute call. Well, particularly if it's someone who's just come off their swing. They've just been down the mine for two weeks out in the bush. They don't want to go back out there for another week. You've got to make an attractive offer. And so the offer was attractive.
It was too good to turn down. And so this person goes, okay, sweet, I'll do it. I've just come off my last swing. I've been involved in an unholy bender for the last 48 hours, and now you're asking me to fly back out to the mines.
And operate some heavy machinery.
At which point you will... A lot of the mine sites will have a breathalyzer on site, so you get a breathalyzer before you go in, and they will subject you to the drug testing before you go in. But it was too good a deal to turn down, so this person...
had heard from other people in the mines that there are places where you can get synthetic piss so that when you go into the mines you can um put some of the synthetic piss into the sample jar give that to the person drug testing it um sweet as carry on because all it's going to say is there's no drugs in this sample yeah right The problem is, how do you deliver the synthetic piss into the jar?
Yes.
This is where... Okay, because I've always wondered this with drug testing and urine testing. Do people watch you when they're doing it? And I guess some people, probably dodgily too, actually, watch too much. There'll be some testers, I imagine, that are actually kind of getting off on watching people do it. So I've had... I know, it's better not to think about that, but I bet there are.
I think you're right, though. Do they actually watch it?
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Chapter 3: How do miners use synthetic urine to pass drug tests?
We'd just gone across the road from this pub in Kalgoorlie, went and got a feed at the South African joint, and then one of the boys goes, all right, I'm off to work. And I looked at him, I was like, you are a fucking idiot. No, you shouldn't. Yeah. And then I saw him at the pub again the next Friday. I was like, how did you get on to work? He goes-
Oh, because the other one that happens is when you tag in, it'll sometimes request that you go and see the nurse for a drug or alcohol test. That's the one that happened to him. Right. So it's a random number assigned to your swipe card or whatever. And then you swipe in and it goes, beep, beep, beep, go see the nurse. And that's what happened to him. And he was pissed.
Yeah, well, I don't advocate that. No, it was one of the dumbest things I've ever seen. And no amount of fake dicks is going to get you out of that. No. Totally not.
Oh, no, look, that deep tease was well worth it.
That was well worth it. First ever fake dick Friday. And I'm already looking forward to foot job Friday. Yeah, foot job Friday next Friday. Yeah.
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