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Chapter 1: What is the significance of Foot Job Friday?
Hey fellas, Foot Shop Friday, eh?
Here we go. Let's do it. Welcome along to the podcast.
It's a big day today. There's been a deep tease. Seven days in the making, this podcast. Auspicious is a word that gets bandied around a bit. Far too often, for my liking. But I think it's apt.
Chapter 2: What humorous story sets the tone for the episode?
I think it's fitting for a day like today. And in fact, Gerry, we've been brought by Kate out in the office. A foot each this morning, a skin appropriate foot. It's quite funny that off the back of Fake Dick Friday last week where I told the story of a person who needed a fake dick that wasn't skin colour appropriate. Kate's brought us in a foot each, a novelty foot that fits on your finger.
Skin tone appropriate. Well, neither of them match, to be honest. Yours is too brown. A little bit too dark. Mine's too white. So, it's typecasting. Can I have the white one? I'm quite pale. Let's have a look. I'm quite pale. I'm quite ruddy in terms of color. You're more sort of red, aren't you? Yeah. You've got more red hues to your skin. It's definitely closer than what you've got.
Yeah, no, it's not right for me. I'm reasonably olive. It's a good fit, though. Finger goes right in there. So, ladies and gentlemen, without any further ado... Welcome to Footjob Friday. They said it couldn't be done. Yep. They said it shouldn't be done. Yeah, I can't remember.
Chapter 3: What unexpected event occurs during the podcast?
Our world first. Yep. And can I kick things off, please, with a little story that a friend of mine shared? Please. When he was growing up, and he was growing up in New Zealand. Don't need to name the city, because I think that might be... Yeah. It sort of places him a little bit. Anyway, he's growing up, and one day he... He was at school, actually, and he went to bed. It was a school night.
And he was asleep in bed, and then he woke up. And I think either he was having nightmares, and he was in his teens. He was either having nightmares or he was a little bit ill. Maybe he had a temperature or something, and he decided that he wanted to get out of his bed. He was sweating away. So he went to go and talk to his parents and maybe get a glass of water or something out in the lounge.
Oh, God. Yeah. And he opened the, well, apparently there was no lounge door. He looked through and from the door, he could see the television screen and then the couch in front of him. And his parents were watching television. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. And it was probably 11 o'clock at night, something like that. That's the time that I'm just guessing. I can picture it.
I can picture the light cascading out from the TV. I'm picturing one of those giant boxy bastards from back in the day, not the flat screens like we've got today. Yeah, that's what I'm picturing too. And they were facing away from his mum and dad, both on the same couch, facing away from him, but in full sight and view of the opening which he walked through into the lounge. Oh, my God.
And he just, as he's coming towards the opening of the lounge, they hadn't seen him. He saw them. And his mother was... Barefoot. Masturbating his father with her feet.
Barefoot? Barefoot.
Okay, it was barefoot. Barefoot.
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Chapter 4: How do the hosts react to a shocking revelation?
On the table was lubrication. Oh, yeah, yeah. Right, coffee table. Yep. And he spotted all of this very, very quickly. And unfortunately, he just walked in at a very inopportune time because it was just coming towards the end of this particular act. It was just coming towards the end. No.
And guess what happened As he entered the room Unborn brothers and sisters There was Fluids were spilt And at that point they then looked at him Oh no okay He then looked at them And they had a moment together This is a true story. It's an awful story. A reading from the Gospel of Luke. Okay. Here ends the reading. The hymn today is God Almighty Be All. Can I ask a couple of questions?
You probably don't have the answer to. I can try and answer them. You can try and answer them. Okay.
Chapter 5: What insights are shared about relationships and intimacy?
Let me ask you. I have been told this story a number of times. Okay. So I'm sure you've asked a couple of questions. Absolutely. This may not be a question that you thought to ask. What line of work was his mother in? Now... I don't want to... No. Don't identify them. I don't know if she did work, actually. I know what line of work his father was in, and he worked for the government. That's fine.
Like, office versus physical job is basically all I'm looking for here. Okay. What I'm getting at is, in what state were her feet... Ah, I imagine, I mean, he would have been, he's in his teens, I think she would have been in her late to mid to late 40s. Damn. So, you know, okay. Yeah.
I'm not sure whether she had any tinea or anything like that or whether there was any kind of fungal infection or that. No, I'm not sure about that. Calluses? Cracked heels? The bit is afterwards they all just looked at each other. What do you do in that situation? Well, he said you don't have any Panadol, do you? Couldn't I? What?
And you don't have any Panadol because I think he was not feeling well.
Chapter 6: What are the details of the sock job story shared by a friend?
I bet he wasn't. He obviously panicked. Well, no. I think he had a temperature. He said at first he wondered whether he was hallucinating. Fever. He wasn't, unfortunately. And then his dad, because his dad just had his pants just sort of down a bit, you know, so he had his pants on. And apparently an unholy mess. Yeah, that's a good point. No, clean up protocols.
The season was summer, so it was a summer's evening. It was probably shorts dropped rather than pant, essentially. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. So anyway, that's the opening story for Footjob. Any other questions? Yeah. Look, Mini, I have such a clear picture in my head. For some reason, they're in a Lockwood home. Oh, yeah. Yep. I'm getting log cabin vibes.
Mm-hmm.
I can't imagine what must have been on the TV. When would this have been? Would this have been early 90s? This is late 90s. Late 90s? Okay, so you might have had, would MTV have been around? You know those channels that had the, at about 10 o'clock, that weird shit kicked off? Spice. Spice. Spice. And there'd be some European thing. And this lady would be like, oh, can you hold this?
And all of her clothes fall off. That kind of stuff. The Red Diaries. Red Shoe Diaries. The Red Shoe Diaries. Bits of Quirk on that one. There was also Emmanuel. Jeez, you are very good with Mr. Frodo. Quirk on the draw. Also Bill Rolston on Nightline at the time, I think. Bill Rolston. People are not masturbating over Bill Rolston. Well, I hope not, but I'm just giving you options.
You don't know that.
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Chapter 7: How does the conversation shift towards sexual preferences?
Each to their own. I don't know if there's anyone that's ever masturbated over Bill Rolston. I suppose there would have been someone. I have never. I like that you had a quick glance around the room to see if we were going to do a straw poll. You locked eyes with Zoe and thought, no, we're not going to do that. I don't think Zoe would have. She wouldn't know who Bill Rolston is.
Zoe's going to plead the fifth there. She hates this place. Okay. Yeah, so I've got a very clear, I mean, Bill Rolston's now in that very clear image that I have. First of all, God bless them that, you know. That's true. It's a healthy relationship. Let's start from that position. Would you say that? That she's still willing in her late 40s to be like, you know what?
You've been, I saw you put the bins out the other day. You've been putting the cutlery and the dishwasher handles down, which you know I like, despite the fact it's a massive hazard to everyone else in the house. Because they'll be picking knives up with the blades. Now I'm going to give you a foot job. Seems an odd sort of a long, long bow to draw. I don't think she's volunteering the foot job.
I think he's nagging. Here's the problem with my friend is that he felt it wasn't the first time. Definitely not. And that was the bit that got him going because he's like, it's clear that this is something that happens often. 100% because they've got the bottle of lube for it. Yeah, and he's like, my dad's a foot job guy.
Yeah.
He's a foot job guy. He likes it. Some people like a hand job. Look, I like a hand job. Okay. You know, I'm a big fan. Huge fan of a handy. Him, he's a footie. He's a foot man.
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Chapter 8: What final thoughts do the hosts have on the stories shared?
He likes to play footsies, but on his piece. Going around the room. No. No. No. Let's not go around the room. Well, we just went around the room. We didn't go around the room. We're not going around the room. We're saying we're not going around the room. We're not going around the room. Because what would have happened is- That wasn't going around the room. We're not going around the room.
I went around the room. No, I didn't go around the room. We're not going around the room. No. And if we had said yes, I suspect your answer would have been different, right? No, no, no. My answer is still no. No, we're not going around the room. We're not going around the room. We're not going around the room. I just want, I want it on the record that that was not us going around the room.
I went around the room. What was the one we did the other day? We had a caller on the line and we would, I was, have you fed the chickens in the last week? And we got the guy on the line. Forgive me, I lost his name, but I was like, Jerry, you're like, yep. Yep. It was like, Steve. Yep. Yeah, man, harrowing. Now, can, okay, I've got a, I've got a few more questions to explore here.
That is obviously something that happened quite frequently. That was not the first time that they were like, you know what? Not what I've always wanted. Also a bit cumbersome, the foot, if I'm honest. Yeah, but it's definitely the place that you'd probably get one, isn't it? Thinking back to it, like the couch is the exact place. You wouldn't get a foot job in a bedroom.
So that's my second question. If you've got a teenage kid in the house... I'd have a layer of security between me and a walk-in situation. You don't have children. Yeah, I don't know. You take your opportunities when they are presented to you. Great point. And it's not easy. And one of the only times that you really can is when the kids go to sleep.
And look, 99 times, even more than that, maybe 200 times out of 201, they don't get up in the night. Right. You know, so you're fine. That's like walking backwards on ice, mate. When else are you going to do it? You can't do it in the morning because then the kids often come into your bed. There's no afternoon delight in those situations because they're just going to walk in.
So you take your – your foot's stuck to the side of your face. You take your opportunities when you can get them. Okay, yep. Well, this is why I ask that kind of stuff. And there's no lock on the lounge door. There was no door. I mean, a little bit laissez-faire from his parents. That tells me, I wonder if that's... You've got a foot coming out your forehead. Forehead.
I wonder if... It looks like your forehead's eaten a child. Or I'm growing a foot for a child in need. You're birthing a child out your forehead. Have you considered that, Gerry? Feet first. Breach. Or do you only think about yourself? Zoe's just come in. I thought she was going to tell a story. No. Zoe wants fucking nothing to do with this.
Any more questions on this particular story before I move on to story number two? Yep. I've got some more questions. Yep. What is your friend's position on foot jobs now as an adult? After having seen that himself. Now, because that goes one of two ways, doesn't it? That's such a good question. And I don't know, actually. I must... Should I text? Yep. I'd love live feedback on the podcast.
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