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Chapter 1: What are the differences between tea rooms and cafes?
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Welcome along to the podcast, Thursday the 21st of May. Thirsty Thursday. 26. I am thirsty actually. What?
Thirsty Thursday. Oh, 2026. It is Thirsty Thursday. I mean, a coffee's not going to help me. Black coffee at 5.40 in the morning.
No, that's going to do the opposite. Yeah. Perhaps make you even more thirsty. Mm-hmm. Coffee one, I've got to say, is my most enjoyable coffee. 100%. You know, just before six o'clock. And then I've got to say seven o'clock is my third least coffee. Yeah. And eight o'clock is my second favorite coffee.
I'll often skip the eight o'clock. Do you? No, that's not true. I'll skip the niner. I'll skip a niner. I don't do a niner. No, I don't do a niner. Don't do a niner. By that stage, you've had three, haven't you? And sometimes when we go for a show meeting at the cafe, you'll do a- You'll have another one. What, 10.30?
I'll do a bucket of milk across the cafe. Oh, yeah. With some coffee in it.
Yep. I don't mind that.
Yeah, I've got a bucket of milk. I've enjoyed the bucket of milk, actually.
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Chapter 2: How do lunch bars differ from tea rooms?
You're not packing? Oh yeah, we've got to take a picture.
Sorry, I'm just, or do you want to? Yeah, we've got to take it. So yesterday when Minaya drew the X's and O's on the old, on the paper, thank you, on the paper about the basketball chat, someone's actually asked on the conclave, the Facebook page, please put the fucking picture up. I can get that. 1211 Press, they just want to see how that bitch has run.
Yeah, yeah. It is good. I've never thought about a system like that before.
I want to get, Now, was there, there was a second one as well, because that was the, was that the full court or the half court one you got there, man? That's the full court one, but I don't think we ever got it. Don't you want to, you know, want to, has someone taken it?
He took the half court home with him. Oh, okay. Put it in the frame, probably. Okay, so I'm just going to put that. Oh, I'll frame it for you, mate. On the conclave now.
You can frame it if you want.
Oh, no, I don't know where it is. Maybe someone else took that. Hey, any blowback, Ruda, from your WhatsApp conversation?
skiffoo no none at all kids have laughed about it wife um finds it quite funny as well um we did that i did that thing where i then messaged a couple of other people in the group just being like oh shit oh shit man okay and they had a good laugh at me as well so it got back to said said mcdonald's parent nah the mcdonald's parent hasn't heard about it you don't No, I don't think so.
Some people, again, on the Conclave, the Facebook page, have had a good laugh at me. Well, one of them said, because I don't know if you've heard that just before the news they play the McDonald's, you can text yummy and you can win a thing, and someone put it into the Conclave, did you stop to think, Rhoda, that they might have won this, perhaps, from your show?
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Chapter 3: What unique offerings do bakeries provide?
No, it's the same thing, isn't it? They just call it something different at a different time.
The one near the supermarket that we both frequent, Manai, they've got the normal counter and then they've got the McCafe. The McCafe. The McCafe counter. You have to order separately. There's never one where you go in and it's just a McCafe and there's no burger counter, is there? There used to be back in the day. Did there? Yeah, I'm sure there was.
And why misremembering again? Are you misremembering the McKiffy? So people would say, I work at a McKiffy. I don't work at a McDonald's. I work at a McAfee.
I think so. They needed special barristers to work at the McAfee.
Was there a different outfit?
Yeah, definitely. Henderson definitely had it separate. Maybe they've come together over the years. Right now, over me. Over me. I always look at the McAfee and think, who's... Who's coming in here and sitting like as if it is actually a kefir? Because they come in and they, you know, you're sitting there and it's like teenagers, wasted people, people of size, all ordering their burgers.
That beep is going off. You know that? I presume that means the deep fry is done or something.
That's going on.
Fries are ready. Yeah, and you go. I thought they didn't have fries at the McKefir. No, but what I'm saying is there's always a McDonald's attached to the McAfee. It's open for all now. So you're going to go, you know what? I might go and take my laptop down and get some work done at the McAfee. It's a beautiful experience. Yeah, with the beep, beep, beep, beep.
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Chapter 4: What nostalgic memories do tea rooms evoke?
Thin white death.
Yeah. Thin white death, a very thin piece of ham, no mustard. No mustard, no.
No mustard.
And then different types of sandwich. Sometimes they'll put a moist tea towel over the top of it just to keep it moist. Because they made it yesterday and the crust is starting to go. And then there's the smell inside of a... Tea room, which is a different sort of a smell than a cafe.
Oh, we had a beautiful tea room in Waimate, the Savoy tea rooms. And it was funny because you'd go and there was a cafe out the front and you could get great fudge in the cafe out the front. Wallaby pies, actually. That's where they sold the wallaby pies.
Really?
That's exotic.
Yeah.
Yeah. And then you would go through and there were the tea rooms out the back where the oldies would go and meet up and they would have their thing down. And it was like going into the Victorian era. It was a time capsule. But giant like brown wooden walls and then photos of people's faces all around the top of them. I feel like you're not a tea room unless you've had a tea room.
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Chapter 5: How has the concept of tea rooms changed over time?
I mean, it probably does, but I can't. They've all turned into Kiffies. Yes, they've all turned into Robert Harris's. Yeah, or Kona. Or Kona or McKiffies.
Yep.
There's a gypsy tea room in Grey Lynn, but that's a bar, and it's closing. The gypsy tea room.
There were too many travellers coming through and just leaving their rubbish lying around and stuff. Is that what it was? Bunnings hats.
There's a tea room in Tomoka now that I think about it. Tomoka tea room. It's a Tomoka tea room. I think it's called the Teapot Inn or something. It, again, is where the buses stop. This is where tea rooms.
The Teapot Inn. I mean, call it the Tomoka tea rooms.
Yeah.
Just call it what it is. Just call it what it is. Name that sucker what it is. Because I think if you are going to run a tea room, then you've got to run a really good barista. I mean, everywhere you go now, you've got to have good coffee.
You do have to have good coffee.
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Chapter 6: What cultural significance do tea rooms hold?
The plates never quite fit on. They never fit on. No. You'll have one that will be leaning off the side always. Yeah. because you want to use the plate. Yeah. I never use the tongs. Does anyone use the tongs? I just grab it. I was like, why would you use tongs when you're just putting it on your plate and you're going to use it with your fingers anyway?
It's performative for me. So you do it if other people are watching? Yeah, I do it. Same at the bakery at a supermarket. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If there's no one looking, I'll just grab that scroll. But if someone's there, especially if they're just hanging behind me over there, Because to be fair, completely uncoordinated, how am I supposed to use fucking tongs?
Well, for a pie, for example, and people using tongs to get a pie out of a pie warmer, stupid. You'll destroy that pie. You'll ruin it. You'll squeeze it. It doesn't want to be squeezed. It doesn't want to be squeezed. You never know how hard, because they're foreign tongs. They're not your tongs. No. And so it's like using someone else's cricket bat.
You just don't quite know where the middle is. So with the tongs, you don't quite know how hard you can squeeze them.
Yeah. And also, is there anything more embarrassing? My bakery every now and then gets absolutely, the one I own, it gets absolutely rammed sometimes. And you're in there fiddling around, like trying to use the tongs. There's people packing up behind you like, oh, fuck these things. Put them down.
It's great. Yank that thing out. Yank it out. Put it on your bag. Check it in a bag. Put it on a plate. Yep.
Brown boba bag. My parents owned a lunch bar in the mid-80s. What day? In Cambridge. It was called the Pantry Lunch Bar. Nice.
Mama Ruta.
Mama Ruta. If she'd come on this show, man, we'd hear some...
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Chapter 7: How do modern cafes compare to traditional tea rooms?
Passion project, isn't it?
Was it because they find Mama Ruta's butts in the food? There was a butt in the salad? Or drawn on the tables? She wasn't drawing pictures.
Of butts on tables? Making people kiss them, was she? Heavy butt influence. No, no. Heavy butt moving.
Now, I told that story to Tulsi last night about you. Last night? About Mama Rudy. Yeah, because I was telling the WhatsApp story. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And she really enjoyed the WhatsApp story. She would. And then I said, have I told you about... Mama Ruta and the kissing of the woman's downstairs. And she said, sorry.
And I ran her through the story and the quizzical look on her face as I was, she said, so what picture was it? I said, it was of a woman.
Spread eagle.
She said, what purpose did that serve? I'm like, you'll have to ask Mama Ruta. to traumatise. One day we've got to call Mama Ruta up and get her to explain what happened there. Please explain.
She doesn't go on the phone. What? She won't go on the phone. Because they're listening. Who? They. What? The listeners? Well, that's the whole point. They are listening. She's said to me things like, have you never noticed before that you talk about something and then suddenly on your phone it's being advertised? Yeah. Have you never noticed that? They're listening. Yeah.
But why wouldn't she talk about something that happened ages ago? What would they? I mean, they are listening.
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Chapter 8: What humorous anecdotes illustrate the tea room experience?
Firstly, it's very rare that there's a mistake. Let's be fair. I don't think that is fair. I think there's plenty of mistakes. Well, if we're going to be fair. Maybe you're not spotting the ones I've been changing. Not a lot of mistakes. Also, who are we to bloody... But I will say that, yeah, I have noticed you haven't done that in a long time.
But for a long time listeners to the show, they'll know that after Jerry hit, but it was particularly during Mastermind because there was time pressure. Jerry's fucking all the questions up. There was finger pointing. It was tearing families apart.
And then after Jerry would stumble over a word because, you know, it's either a copy and paste or Ruta's reworded it but left half of a word still in there or something and it's tripped Jerry up. We'd get through that and after the segment, the next song's playing sometimes, Ruta would be in there correcting the spelling mistakes and stuff. It's like, we're never going to read that again.
That makes me sound... Can I use the R word?
No. Let's knock this thing on the head. No, no, no. We've got to go because we've got to have sex. But I could talk about Mama Rhoda till the cows come home. We've got to get her on the show at some stage. She won't come on the show. Fascinating character.
I can't get her on the phone. I have to go visit her if I want to talk to her. Okay. Can we get her up to Auckland? Let's get the show on the road.
No. Bring her up.
No.
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