Chapter 1: What is the main topic discussed in this episode?
Daily bespoke content that you won't find on the radio show. The Hodaki Breakfast Podcast.
Oh, yeah, we stand in. Oh, shit.
Oh, we stand in. You don't have to, Ruda.
No, I want to. I just want you to know you don't have to. You can sit, Ruda. Solidarity, brothers. No, no.
I don't know why I'm more comfortable with you sitting, actually. Yeah, so am I. What if I squat? I just know how. That's better. I like that. I just know how hard it is for your hands to get to the buttons from a seated position, and I worry that standing is going to be even harder. I feel like a primate. That wouldn't surprise no one.
Can we chuck this bitch up a little higher? Can we crank this bitch up or is it? No. Crank what bitch up? It's not crankable. The whole desk. Oh, that bitch. Crank this bitch up. No. It needs to come up a...
Do you remember when we moved the desk around last year? Yep. We should have asked for it to come up.
Well, the thing is, no one asked us, so that's why. Fellas, I bore witness to one of the most infuriating traffic-related situations. Unusual. So the motorway was blocked on the way in, and there was roadworks. And the top two, it's a four-lane motorway. The top two lanes were blocked, and...
I saw the most – is there a word for it when you're in the top lane, the lane next to you is blocked, let's say, 200, 300 metres down the track. Yeah. Someone purposely drives past you knowing their lane's coming to an end just to cut in front of you. Oh, yeah. Cunty. Yeah, so people cunted me. Yeah.
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Chapter 2: What are the most annoying driving habits in our country?
Yeah. I've been myself Lane cunted. Yeah, that's right. In the state of being Lane cunted. And I've also been cunted by Lane.
Cunted as a lane. Yeah. Or cunted by lane.
Yeah, I've been lane cunted, which is when you're really, really cunted and you end up spewing in your front garden. Oh, that kind, yeah. And then there's also lane cunted when he is a cunt to you. Yeah. So both things.
And then lane cunted where someone cunts you from their lane. Yeah. I'll get a text from my mum about this show. And that happened to me and everyone else there. It was one of the most ridiculous. And that's why the motorway had been brought to its knees. I'm a firm believer of just get in the lane you need to be and just stay there.
The only time that comes undone is when someone's going 80 in a 100K zone in the top lane.
Here's the problem. I think that's, personally, I think that's a South Canterbury attitude. What? And I don't like you bringing those South Canterbury attitudes up to the big smoke. What do you mean? Get in the lane and just stay in it. I'm not happy.
Get in the lane you need to be in. So if your exit's coming up, get in the lane you need to be in to take your exit. Fine with that. Don't just get in any old fucking lane and go 80Ks.
Oh. No, that's insane. Oh, good. I thought you were promoting that particular type of drive. I go with the option of go left, stay left. Yeah, stay left.
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Chapter 3: What is 'lane cunted' and how does it affect drivers?
So stay left. Everyone stays left. And if you're not overtaking the person on your left... then you need to get further left. We've talked about this with Zoe.
She's got a foul look on her face this morning. Oh, I bet. It's because this does not happen in Germany.
Oh, my God.
It's illegal in Germany. And they fixed it in one rule change, and I like this, and it's that you can't undertake people, so you can't overtake on the left. So if you want to overtake, you have to do it on the right or you're going to find. And so what that means is if you get stuck in the right-hand lane and someone's going slow, they'll flash the fuck out of you with their lights.
Well, fair enough.
horn the whole thing we need to start doing that they go lights first but that's just a gentle reminder it's like it's a reminder excuse me sorry man i'm just coming past yeah yeah you're you've i think you've forgotten that you're going a lot slower yeah and you're in the outside lane you're blocking just hop out of this one yeah the thing is in new zealand we've got space left we've got that really entitled type of person that'll just go i can sit here in this lane if i want to i'm going 100
Yeah. Although the speed limit is 100.
Yes, and I'm going 100. So I will block traffic behind me. Zoe's coming. Humanity can handle it no longer. It's not often Zoe steams in. You're on, Zoe.
No, but when people just... Oh, the chronic middle lane driver.
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Chapter 4: How do traffic rules differ between countries like New Zealand and Germany?
Something in you is dying. It's something in you dies. You're like... Yeah. Oh, my God. This is so bad. It's like being in one of those cars they used to have at Leisureland out in Te Atatu. Actually, where you live, the Te Atatu Peninsula. They used to have Leisureland foot rock flats. Oh, yeah, yeah. And they had drive town. And they were limited to like...
10km's and out and you'd be like come on get moving it's like there's nothing in front of me here and so I'm driving along with my parents and I'm doing like 50 which is the reasonable speed to go around town I reckon 50's good and And I said to my parents, is this a 30? And my dad's like, oh, God. Why would you? He's 83. He's like, boy, stupidest speed limit I've ever heard in my life.
He's like, how could you even go 30? So I was like, oh, I'll show you what 30 is. I slowed down to 29. Yeah. And it's along Key Street. I was going along Key Street. I don't know if you know where it's got the KFC with the two. It's got four lanes with the mini.
Is that 30? Yeah.
Yeah. It's 30. Why would that be 30? Are you trying to, are you trying to make people hate you? Is that the idea? Are they trying, are the people who make the rules trying to make, trying to just anger people?
Yeah.
And make them angry about, because you just feel, we're not stupid.
No, that's the thing. They invent this scenario, this thing that's not going to happen. Like, what if this situation occurs? We need to make a rule against that so it never happens. And it's a situation that would never fucking occur.
No. Look, I say, if you run someone over, if you hit someone, if you have an accident, and if you speed and you do something wrong. That's still illegal. Yeah. Something bad should happen. Yes, you should still not be allowed to do that. Yeah, something bad should happen to you. Fair enough. But if nothing, if you can drive along at 50 and not cause a problem, why should you be penalised?
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Chapter 5: What are the dangers of being a chronic middle lane driver?
Yeah.
But I guess you can't have people cruising. Like a demented state of mind. Yeah. I got rear-ended in the supermarket parking lot in Waimate by an oldie. And I watched him in my rear view mirror. I just watched him just drive straight into me. I pulled out a little bit. Then I saw him coming. And so I stopped. So my boot would have been about a foot, maybe two feet tops out of the park.
And I just watched him like target fixation. He had his mouth, you know, when oldies drive and they got the mouth open the whole time. That, and then it eventually changed to fear, but he didn't change his line and he didn't stop. He just drove straight into me?
He just drove straight into me. What cars? He didn't have a car that just stops. I don't think my car can drive into anything.
No, this was way back in the day. Oh, right, yeah. Although even now I think it must. Anyway, and then he got out and he was just effing and jeffing and I was like... Did he ever go at you? No, he was just nutting off. He's like, oh, fucking. Did he apologize? You crashed into me. No, he didn't apologize.
And then he goes, I fucking knew when I made this fucking car park that this was going to happen. It's the car park's fault. It's the infrastructure. It's the infrastructure's fault that you drove from about 100 meters away. I blame the road. And then crashed into me.
I blame the tarmac. I've learned the bloody greens. Anyone recently reversed a car without a reverser camera? Every day. Oh, do you? Everyone every day. Oh, okay. I've got cameras and I've lost the ability. The other day I was in a car. I can't even remember whose it was. Oh, that's right.
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Chapter 6: How should drivers merge onto the motorway safely?
It was over on Waiheke and it was a family friend's car.
Just a relatable yarn about driving cars with cameras on Waiheke.
No, yeah, it didn't have a camera. It didn't have a camera. Sorry. Are you okay, Jerry? I'm just being relatable. And I had to reverse. And I was like, how do you do this again? But I think looking back and reversing was actually quite good for your supple tea. True. I can't really turn anymore.
That's the reason why I do it every day. So you can keep your supple tea? Keep your supple tea at 22 years old.
You know what I really, really, really fucking hate? Zoe? No, no, no. Oh, neither. Well, no.
is when you are reversing using your cameras and obviously and in town as well you can use shop windows so you can see exactly how far you've got between you and the car behind you is when there's someone sitting in the car behind you and they they think you must be a moron and have no idea where their car is and you get I don't know like a foot away and they're just like honk honk and then you look at them and you're like and they're like
What are you doing?
And I'm like, I just... In those situations, you put it into reverse and you drive into them.
Yeah.
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