Chapter 1: What cruel things do parents make their kids do for entertainment?
Daily bespoke content that you won't find on the radio show, the Hauraki Breakfast Podcast.
Deep tease for Friday, it's Footjob Friday coming up. It's Monday obviously today, but later on the week, Footjob Friday batting down the hatches.
Have we ever been so prepared for anything in our lives? Just last week we set the world record for the deepest tease in history with Fake Dick Friday.
Chapter 2: What is Footjob Friday and why is it significant?
But that was on a Monday. In the middle of that podcast we teased Footjob Friday, which was... an entire week away. We don't know what we're doing on this podcast right now. But what we do know is that on Friday, it'll be foot job Friday.
Yeah, we know that. I mean, what's Friday? It's foot job Friday. Yeah. It's Father's Day. I'll tell you what. It's Sunday.
Chapter 3: How did the guys set a record for the deepest tease?
We know that.
I'll tell you what. I've got one too. I met up with some friends over the weekend and they were asking me how work was going. And I was like, three words, fake dick Friday. You couldn't have seen people more interested in a topic. As soon as I said fake dick Friday, they're like,
Well, it's hard to know exactly what that would mean. What does that mean? When everyone brings along a fake dick or, you know, people with fake dicks get together on Friday or... Time to get rid of your dick and get a fake dick for Friday and all of these things.
Is it a sexual thing? You'd have to assume that it was, being a sexual organ, a fake dick. But then even the real story delivered. And it wasn't. And it wasn't. There's nothing to do with... It wasn't. It wasn't sexual at all. Turns out it's just about drug testing. Yeah. And if you haven't listened to that, you've missed a doozy. So turn this podcast off and go and listen to that podcast.
A story that you also told us off air the other day that you actually... never did tell us this is something that happens on the show every now and then so while the song's playing often we're planning what's happening on the show oft oft we're oft planning oft with the fairies we're oft planning other things oft with the fairies is a podcast name um
Anyway, we were talking about after 40 dudes have no mates and Jerry gave us an off-air tease, which is what happens where we start running out of time. The song's about to finish. We're in the middle of a yarn. We're like, hold on.
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Chapter 4: What funny stories do they share about childhood experiences?
And I'll tell you more after this voice break and then we have to go on air. It's like two different radio shows going on at the same time. And if it didn't endanger our careers, I suggested the other day that this podcast that you're listening to right now should just be, we leave the mics running 24-7 and we just put what's happening during the songs up as the podcast. Very dangerous.
I just, yeah, it's pretty career limiting.
It would be, and it was a big editing job for someone because they're going to have to go through each thing and just chop because there'll be bits of silence as well.
Yeah. But anyway, so the off-air tease that you gave us that you never got to was no mates.
Yeah. So when Hugo was little, he was quite a good talker as a little kid.
How little?
He probably started talking when he was about... 16 months, which is not super young, but for a boy is quite young. I think my daughter was about 14. My daughter was like a year or 14 months and she was starting to say stuff. First words? First words. Her first word was... Hugo's first word I remember was flower. Wow. Flower. You got your mama and your dad is, but they don't really count.
Hence why we have mama and dada is because that's the first thing that you say as a kid. Mama, mama, dada, dada, dada.
Papa is the word for dad in so many languages.
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Chapter 5: How do parents use their children to entertain guests?
You say a word to me, just say it back to you. Yeah. But I trained him to say, so I'd say, how many mates have you got? And he'd go, no mates. And he had this little cute little voice. No mates. No mates. And so that was my party trick. I'd go, Hugo, how many mates do you have? And he'd go, no mates.
And
It would always crack people up, but he had no idea. He thought it was hilarious too. I'd say he would have been, yeah, 18 months, maybe a bit older.
Yeah.
How many mates have you got? Why would you have mates at 18?
You don't go anywhere. Where would you have met anyone? Did you call him a loser?
A loser. Poor bugger.
Looking back now, I feel that little guy and you're saying that he's got no mates. I feel bad. He didn't have any mates.
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Chapter 6: What unusual story involving a gorilla does one guest share?
No, he didn't have any mates. No, he had no mates. Oh, no, he did have mates.
He had mates. At kindy.
It was pre-kindy.
At Plunkett.
Yeah, no, he had mates. We had family friends and stuff with kids the same age, and he was doing stuff.
They didn't like him, though. That's the problem.
It's quite weird. Kids just play beside each other at that age. They don't really interact. They'll grab a toy off the other kid, and then the other kid will cry or something.
Did you do that to things when you met those kids about 16 years later? Do you remember? You guys used to play together. My parents do that.
You guys are always friends growing up.
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Chapter 7: What insights do they offer about the impact of AI on their show?
I just always tell the kids that. In fact, even when they're getting a bit older, I say, yeah, you guys just played together so well. You guys have loved each other from the moment you were little. You looked after each other, and they really believe that story now. And I think it actually works.
It pulls them together. Get a bit of indoctrination there. Yeah. It's quite funny, though, calling a kid, telling a kid they've got no mates. No mate. It's like calling my cat a virgin.
He is. Well, you don't know that, though. Is he a boy? He's a boy. You don't know he's a virgin. He's a virgin.
Well, I mean, what are you? You've been following him around the whole time? There's just certain things he does, I can tell.
Chapter 8: What is the new initiative involving disgusting texts?
He's had his nuts chopped.
He has had his nuts chopped out, yeah.
Okay. So he's not really interested in it anymore.
Nah. No, it's a burden. The other thing is when you become aware that your pet's naked.
No sex.
No sex.
No sex. No clothes.
Don't teach an 18-month-old that. No sex.
Don't teach that. No.
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