The Myth of Too Much
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What is the myth of being 'too much'?
You've been told that you are too much your entire life, too opinionated, too ambitious, too direct, or too loud. But after working with thousands of women over the last 25 years, I can tell you without a doubt, being self-centered is the antidote to this lie. If you've ever felt like you've had to shrink yourself to be accepted, this episode is for you. Hi, it's Hillary. Welcome to the Hillary Silver Podcast. Thanks for tuning into the conversation today. If you haven't already, it would mean so much to me if you'd take a minute to just click that five-star rating on your podcast app, leave a review, and subscribe so you never miss one of my episodes.
Why do women shrink themselves to fit societal expectations?
And if you're enjoying this podcast, please consider sharing it with a friend because if you like it, they will probably like it too. Since you were a little girl, you were conditioned to be nice, be agreeable, don't make people uncomfortable, go with the flow, don't make waves or cause trouble by grandparents, parents, educators, by religion, culture, and society. Because the moment that a woman stands in her power, she becomes a threat. Look at history. Women who spoke up were labeled uncontrollable. Women who fought for their rights were difficult. And women who refused to conform were dangerous. And that just isn't ladylike. And even today, the message hasn't changed. It's just been rebranded. So now they call you too much.
What are the real costs of playing small and minimizing yourself?
They say you're too opinionated, too intense, too confident, too independent. But what they really mean is you don't fit inside the box that we built for you, the box that they need for you to be in so that they can be more comfortable. So they try to shrink you. They tell you to be less, less loud, less ambitious, less certain of yourself. They make you question your instincts. second guess and doubt yourself, and then you're wondering if you should just hold back just a little. And maybe without realizing it, you did. Maybe you softened your voice to not be intimidating. Maybe you bit your tongue just to keep the peace. Maybe you made yourself a little smaller so other people could feel bigger. For years, you might've believed this lie that you're too much.
How do people react when women stand fully in their power?
Let me invite you to think about how many times you have dimmed yourself just to keep the peace. Maybe you had a brilliant idea in a meeting, but instead of owning it, you phrased it as a suggestion so you wouldn't seem too pushy. Maybe you accomplished something incredible, but instead of celebrating it, you kept it to yourself, or you downplayed it so others wouldn't feel uncomfortable. I've definitely done this, and it just sucks to hold back something that you've done that is amazing instead of just sharing it. Maybe you had a strong opinion, but instead of standing by it, you softened your words so you wouldn't be called difficult. And maybe you told yourself this was just being considerate, that it was just about being polite, but that's not what was happening.
What does it really mean to be self-centered, and why is it empowering?
What's happening is conditioning. Because every time you minimize yourself to make someone else comfortable, you send a message, not just to them, but to yourself. You're telling yourself that their comfort matters more than my truth. And when you send that message to yourself enough times, you start to believe it. You start to believe the myth of being too much. If I'm too much, I am not acceptable. I am not likable. I am not lovable. There's something wrong with me the way that I am. I am too much. And you start believing that it's your job to caretake other people's feelings and manage other people's reactions. That if someone feels threatened by your intelligence or your ambition or your confidence, it must mean that you're the problem.
How can you break free from people-pleasing and stop apologizing?
Again, something's wrong with you. So you make yourself smaller. You make yourself more agreeable. and you make yourself less. But the truth is your intelligence and your confidence and your opinions, none of it is too much. It's only too much for the people who were never meant to sit at your table in the first place. And the moment you realize this, you stop apologizing for taking up space.
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Chapters
8 chapters
1
What is the myth of being 'too much'?
0:00–0:43
2
Why do women shrink themselves to fit societal expectations?
0:43–1:28
3
What are the real costs of playing small and minimizing yourself?
1:28–2:15
4
How do people react when women stand fully in their power?
2:15–2:59
5
What does it really mean to be self-centered, and why is it empowering?
2:59–3:46
6
How can you break free from people-pleasing and stop apologizing?
3:46–4:34
7
What shifts can you make today to start leading and expanding yourself?
4:34–5:21
8
Who would you be if you stopped shrinking and embraced your power?
5:21–8:45
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