Transcript generated automatically by AI and may contain errors.
Chapter 1: What is the main topic discussed in this episode?
This is a Triple J podcast.
When we think about disability and sex and dating, misconceptions are that we don't want to have sex.
Chapter 2: What misconceptions exist about sex and disability?
Hey, Dee here for The Hookup Podcast, where we talk all things love, sex, dating and relationships. And you know, if I'm not chatting to you here on the pod, I'm reading, I'm scrolling or I'm watching things to try and find people that I think are super interesting and are having important conversations that I think that you'd also really love to hear about.
So over the weekend, I watched an episode on ABC iview all about disability and intimacy and desire. which was hosted by comedian and disability advocate Madeline Stewart, who you might remember Pip actually spoke to about three years ago for the Hookup podcast. Yeah, it was such a great doco.
Maddie basically interviewed three people who each had unique disabilities and spoke to them about how they navigate sex, desire and pleasure, and also some of the stereotypes and misconceived ideas about those living with a disability and their love lives.
And honestly, considering 5.5 million Australians live with a disability, which is over 20% of people in Australia, we just don't have this conversation enough. So let's have that chat right now. Madeline, thanks so much for coming in and chatting to me on The Hookup.
Thank you so much for having me, Dee. I'm so excited to be here and to talk about all things sexiness.
Yes.
That intimacy loves us.
We love it. We love it. It's so nice to have you back. I loved seeing you on the TV. I loved, you know, seeing you host. How was that experience for you?
Oh, it was so fun. I've never hosted a television show before, but I was so excited to host this episode and it was so wonderful to be invited to host as well.
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Chapter 3: How does Madeleine Stewart's experience shape her advocacy?
You know what I mean? It's advertising in a way. And I think it can be really, really difficult for people with disability. It's kind of like, how much do I disclose? How much do I share? You know, is this safe for me? We have a lot of things to think about, especially around like assault and things like that around dating. It can be dangerous.
And that is something that is very much at the front of a lot of people with disabilities mind, no matter the gender of that person. we know that dating can be dangerous for us. But I think mostly when we're dating online, the biggest issue is I think people messaging hate, the amount of abuse. And, you know, Deborah Keenahan spoke to me.
We didn't have it in the episode, but Deborah, who features in this episode, is a woman with short stature and she talks about how when she was on a dating site, it just didn't work for her. like the amount of abuse she got.
And I think that's a common experience for people with disability, either online abuse, like written to you through dating sites, or you go on a date with someone who's just awful or yeah, just don't want to connect with you that either see you just as a disability or, you know, I don't know. I don't know. I don't,
I don't want to assume what they're thinking, but it can be really confusing and really you're not quite sure what a person's intention is on these dating sites.
Well, I remember, I think it was either the episode you did with Pip or because you're a comedian, I think I've seen a lot of your work as well. But you spoke about how you went on a date once from a dating up with a guy and he basically was in the military or something and he tried to show you photos of people that he'd like blown up or something. Was it?
Oh, you won't believe it. He said, when I sat down, he was like... one arm, like just like that. And I was like, what? And he's like, it's fine. I've seen it before. I've seen worse. And then started to be like, I was in the military. Here's the town before and after. And he'd like, it was horrible. It was horrible. And I was just like, I'm a pacifist, dude. Like I need to get out of here.
Like this is, this is scary. And it's like, yeah, I, I, is it something? Yeah. I don't know why he thought I would be impressed by that.
It's like the assumption of just being like, yeah, I can relate to you in this way.
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Chapter 4: What are the main misconceptions about dating for people with disabilities?
It costs the NDIS like very, very little. And very few people were requiring it. The things that they were using that funding for was like Kyle getting sex aids to help him with his rehabilitation. You know, he lost his ability to move a lot of his body and he was trying to explore what What could be possible for him in a safe way?
I spoke to you about how like we get a lot of high rates of abuse with people with disability and sex workers are safe. They're professionals that can help you navigate this new chapter of your life. And even people have used this funding for a support worker to come and help you, you know, get into position in the bed and then leave the room. And they're just on call if you need support.
You know, there have been stories of this before the NDIS, friends, neighbours. family. I'm sorry, but if you want to hook up with your boyfriend, you kind of don't want your mum and dad in the room helping you unclasp your bra. Like, come on, this is what we're talking about. And I think if people understood this context and understood how the money was actually used...
it would pass the pub test a really interesting perspective that i had never really thought of or heard of about spoken about before was kyle mentioning how it was hard not to fall for your support worker for him this was kind of his experience when you're so deprived of physical touch sometimes that line is blurred when someone is constantly touching you for support you know helping you go to the toilet helping massage your legs that kind of thing um it was such an interesting perspective can you tell us a little bit more about this
Yeah, this is, this can be common. I've heard this before, a few people with disability getting little crushes on their support workers. I would like to say that this isn't, this isn't something that happens all the time. I'm not saying every disabled person wants to shag this, you know. a support worker, and that's not what we're saying.
We're just saying that sometimes it can be a confusing emotional state. I think to explore your sexuality is a really important part of being human, whether you're doing it yourself or whether you're doing it with others or whether you're doing it with a lovely, fun device. It's really important to have that expression, and when you're denied that expression,
And not only sexual expression, but touch, physical touch. Often people with disability, depending on what it is, are touched only by doctors and by medical practitioners. No hugs, no intimacy like that. And it can become a bit confusing because your brain and your body is a very complex environment. you know, big computer really.
And so then when someone's touching you and you're deprived of physical contact, of course, sometimes your brain's going to be like, oh, is this something different? Are they into me? Like it can be confusing signal for your brain. It's really important that people with disability have the systems and the ability to explore that part of them.
Deborah Keenahan, who's in this episode, she has this wonderful line where she says something along the lines of, to deny someone that sexual expression, that important part of their sexuality is to deny them their humanity. It's so beautiful. Yeah, I'm not saying we have a right to sexual expression. No, it's consent. It's consensual. But, like, we have to express our sexuality.
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Chapter 5: How do dating apps affect people with disabilities?
Thanks, doll. And, yeah, you just had such a great energy. And, like, as a comedian as well, like, I just think, like you said, like, it's nice to have a bit of, like, humour and lightness sometimes with some really heavy, which are important topics to have, but, like, just, yeah, you were a breath of fresh air and sunshine on the screen. Oh, God.
Thank you. Fingers crossed. Good luck, everybody, on your dating journeys. I hope your non-disabled people take a chance. Come on, get on the ride. Give us disabled people a go. We'll show you a great time. And then people with disability, I hope you have a great time out there dating, however you do it. Be kind to yourself. Be kind to others, everybody.
Oh, love it, Maddie.
And where can people find you on socials and online? You can check out my website, madelinestewitt.com. That's where you can find all my work and you can contact me. You can follow me on Instagram. It's underscore Madeline underscore Stewart. I'm there. Yeah. So come over. Don't be a stranger. Say hi. Give me a follow. Send me a message. Absolutely.
And we'll add that all into the show notes as well. Thank you so much, Maddie. Thank you.
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