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Chapter 1: What news does Ryan share about his TV show?
Do you feel ready to talk about it now or do you want to?
No, it's okay.
Yeah. It's like that, that if I was to, if I could do the show, then that proves that I'm, you know, worth something. It's our summer series. It continues. Regular episodes will be back in February. Got some absolute corkers coming up. But in this summer series, we thought we would replay some of our favourite moments from our subscriber-only show, which we've been doing for a while now.
It's called A Little More Imperfects. We do it fortnightly. It's a bonus episode that you can access through Apple Podcasts. You can subscribe through that or through Patreon.com. And today's summer episode, we're actually looking back at two different things. It's two for the price of none. That is a bargain. It's very, very good. So yeah, the second one we'll get to a bit later, but it's
It's basically a day where it was a normal day and I happened to get some news while we were at lunch, which was about the TV show that I'd been working on for like two years. And we just turned the microphones on and I just told you the news that I'd received. And it was a lot more emotional than I was expecting. But yeah, we'll play that a bit later.
But before that, Hugh, we're reflecting, aren't we?
We are. We have in our A Little More Imperfects episode, subscriber shows, we have our reflection pond. And it's a wonder. It's an actual pond, an actual pond that joins us. It sounds like a person, but it joins us in the middle of the table and our subscribers will send in reflections inspired by past episodes.
So the reflections end up in the pond and we pull them out of the pond and reflect together. Yeah. And the way that people send in these reflections is throughout. We've got a weekly newsletter, which many of you might know. Many of you might already subscribe to it. It's free. It's called My Perfect Email.
And every week, every Monday when that newsletter comes out, it's about that week's episode usually. And there's a question that often it's like a journaling question that you can answer and you can reflect and you can write. And then a lot of people send them to us and we put them in the pond. And then every now and again, we'll pull out a reflection from the pond and
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Chapter 2: How does Ryan reflect on his emotional response to rejection?
Yeah, already. She might be elevated to legend status at some point. Yeah. Yeah.
Okay. Might be. True. Yep. And the question. I feel like we have to now do that because if we don't do that now, then she's going to think we've had a meeting at some point and decided that, you know how we thought about elevating Inga? Let's not. And just so everyone knows, we don't have those meetings. Or a legend status. No, it doesn't exist. It doesn't exist.
Hugh's just absolutely stitched us up there. Okay. Who are you in your wildest dreams? Describe the scene. How do you feel? Good question. When I close my eyes after a long day, in my wildest dreams, I see myself smiling without effort, free from petty irritations and accumulated resentment towards those I love. I'm more fun, more relaxed.
I laugh out loud from the belly, not only during holidays, weekends away with friends and romantic getaways, but also on weekdays after school pickup. I don't shout and I'm not as stubborn. In my wildest dreams, I know how to be a mum that doesn't doubt herself, how to parent without the inherited need to power over and then regret it every step of the way.
I imagine myself ditching the constant no that has made its way into my vocabulary and most of the answers I have for my children. In my dreams, I embrace yes, despite the discomfort and difficulties it might bring. I let go and let others take the lead. I let outsourcing be the key and let pleasure lead. In my wildest dreams, I'm more like the girl I used to be. Beautiful.
Gosh, that really was very, very good. Yeah. Are you fighting back tears again? Yeah, I am again. Yeah.
Yes. Yeah. I just, I find it really emotional to read that because when I lie in bed at night, often, I'm getting better at this. This is something I'm working really hard on and I'm going to see a psychologist to work on it, to help work on it.
But I lie in bed and I'm just full of regrets about losing my cool or the look on my child's face when I've unnecessarily said no to something when I could have, as she said, just sort of gone with yes and embraced a bit of discomfort.
But for some reason I've let stress and anger or a need to get out the door quickly for some reason, like I have to be, like it's going to be the end of the world if the kids aren't at kinder by 8.30 and I'm here by nine on the dot, like I'm never here on nine on the dot anyway. This fear of like, I can't let that happen.
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Chapter 3: What insights do Ryan and Hugh offer about navigating regret?
And I'm just going to like smile and just gently guide them in the right direction, whatever that, you know, whatever is required. And... After about an hour of it, I felt my only option was to yell louder than the three of them combined. So I just yelled at them so loud.
And I was lying in bed just going, I've never yelled at anyone in my entire life, and I'm yelling at the people that I love most. It's an awful feeling. Because I feel like saying to them, guys, just so you know, this is not me. You made me do that. This is really not who I am, I promise. You guys probably think I'm an angry person. I promise I'm not. Yeah, so I totally –
It's a beautiful reflection.
Yeah. You know that, I don't know if the lyric quite works, but you know that Paul Simon, a good day hasn't got no rain, a bad day's where I lie and think of things that could have been. Yes. I think like that now when I get in, not exactly that, but when I get into bed, if I can lie there and think I wasn't, Like I didn't lose it today or I didn't, I don't regret it. That's a good day.
That's a really good day. If I didn't, if I was able to, like this morning, I should have been better. I, there was a, trying to get a jumper on my toddler, three year old. I knew at the time, don't force it on him. Just like take a couple more minutes, but I just couldn't, I couldn't help myself, but get frustrated and like literally force a jumper on top of this kid and
And I'm like, what is, that was an opportunity to bond with the kid, not to like to come up with some other way and bond rather than like force my day on him. So now tonight will be a regret night and hopefully tomorrow's not.
Can you like do like repair stuff tonight that makes you feel like because of what happened this morning, you had really quality time tonight maybe? I don't know.
Yeah, I think if I realise during the day I will do that and I will and I'm like, thanks to some of the stuff I've learnt on this show, I make repair work a massive priority. Like I don't think I ever lose it in a way I regret and don't go back and profusely apologise because I know that that's the really important bit.
So I am doing that but, God, it would be good not to have to do that in the first place.
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Chapter 4: How does the concept of self-compassion come into play?
We induct one person every 20 years. Yeah, could be Inga.
Could be.
Yeah, I was very moved by that reflection, as you've just heard. But it's really interesting hearing it back after, God, it's been probably six or seven months since that episode. And I noticed something in myself there that is very typical of me of continuing to give myself a bit of a hard time about everything.
And I talk in that reflection about how my psychologist had identified that I'm trying to be the perfect parent a lot of the time.
And I think something that I haven't recognized in that, that I didn't recognize in that reflection is to be the kind of parent I want to be, which is sort of flexible, like rather than meeting a parenting challenge by getting angry, I would rather be sort of flexible and funny and be able to turn that situation into an opportunity for, say, connection rather than anger. Yeah.
that requires a lot of energy and requires a lot of mental acuity and flexibility. And I think just the realistic fact about parenting is sometimes you've had four hours sleep and you just don't have the mental energy to actually be able to do it. So then to be harsh on myself for not having that energy Seems unnecessary.
I don't think getting angry is the right response either, but I think I just need to lower my expectations of what I'm capable of on those days. And because I think the anger comes from not just the situation, but also the judgment on yourself for not being able to control the situation.
So I think it's just something that I have been thinking about but listening to that clip really makes it quite clear that I need to just lower the expectations of what I'm capable of depending and go, you slept for... Like right now, I slept for about five and a half hours last night. And so if I get home tonight and the kids are, for whatever reason, being challenging...
I don't have to get angry but I also don't have to fix the situation like a parenting genius. I can just sort of sit in it. Lie down on the floor. Yeah, just give up. No, just have a more realistic expectation for what I'm capable of and do the best I can in this situation and that's okay. Yeah. Yeah, that's really good. Yeah. You agree?
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Chapter 5: What reflections do listeners share from previous episodes?
If you start, even if you leave the blocks 0.2 of a second after the gun goes, that's a false start because they reckon you've predicted it. So like, anyway, we'll probably cut that bit out. That's interesting. I've had to keep it in. And so I got this app, but it was the same time and it wasn't doing anything. So I was like, I've got to find this app. What are they using?
And so I don't know what happened, but all of a sudden I had this, to be very clear, I don't know this happened, but I found this, I was like, I've got this app here, good. I think that's the one they're using. I'm not really sure. Had it sitting on my phone, got my Bluetooth speakers out at the track. There's a lot of people around.
It's a little bit – I don't like it because a lot of people watch you when you do this because it's a bit different and you have it quite loud so everyone can hear your Bluetooth speaker. Yeah, yeah. A lot of you played. And so I got down into the blocks. And then I went, oh, I haven't pressed the app thing. And I went over to my phone. It's like, yeah, that's the app there.
And I had all these different options, like different men's names. I was like, oh, I guess they're the different starters you could get, different voices. We did have different ones. I don't quite get that, but that's okay. And the first one said slow and relaxed. I was like, well, they're giving me a clue to how – they're giving me a clue –
They're giving me a clue that's going to be, that's a bit annoying. I want clues to what type to start. Yeah, that's fine. I'll just do the first one. And so I press it. I get into the blocks and all of a sudden through the Bluetooth speaker I hear, oh God. I got sex. And I went, what? And everyone looked at me and went, what the fuck?
And I ran over to my phone and it was this app and it was men making sex noises. It's a different sort of pistol, isn't it?
Yeah.
And as I'm doing, like, you can just hear, oh. And I was like, oh, my God, turn off.
Hang on. So what was the, do you remember what the app was called that you were supposed to download?
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Chapter 6: How does Ryan discuss the impact of his TV show rejection?
Okay, so to part two of this summer bonus episode. So for people who've been listening for a while, you'll know that I also work in television. I've been trying to make my own TV show for a long, long time. And for the last couple of years, I have been developing my own show with a few other people.
And so what you'll hear is us having that initial chat and then you'll hear us reacting to that a week later. So there's a bit of a chat within a chat within a chat.
Inception.
Yeah. So, yeah, so this was Familiar in the Year on A Little More Imperfects. Uh, so I just, I wanted to just have a quick chat because, um, I don't even really know why I'm talking about this.
Well, I guess I do know why, but, uh, so just, and I think the only reason I am is because I've only just found this out and I just thought, well, I'll just talk about it because I just fortuitously happened to not fortuitous, but I just happened to find out while we were just at lunch. We were just having lunch, having a great lunch.
And I got a message telling me that, so you guys know that my, I've been working on this TV show. Yeah. For like... It feels like 25 years, but for years and years, I've been developing it with the ABC. And this is like a show that I've been trying to get my TV show, for anyone who's been listening to the podcast for a long time, knows that I've always dreamed of my own TV show.
And anyway, I've just found out that it's not happening. And it's like, they're basically, they're passing on it, which I'm actually weirdly okay about, but...
it's, it's, uh, yeah, it's just a very, it feels like a weirdly, I've got like the kind of butterflies and I feel like nervous talking about it, not nervous talking about it, but I just feel, I guess like obviously emotional about it a little bit. Um, not to the extent where I'm, I'm devastated.
I mean, to be honest, my first emotion when I saw it, saw the message was kind of relief in a weird way. Um,
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Chapter 7: What does Ryan reveal about his journey in seeking validation?
And so he never like puts himself out there. He never like aims for anything big because he doesn't, because the thought of being rejected is too painful. So yeah, I think like, how do I feel now? I feel, I feel rejected. And I think,
Even though I do feel a bit of relief because it's been really challenging and I guess now I don't have to be in that discomfort anymore and I don't have to try and make this impossible thing in my mind, impossible thing work. I think there is a bit of sadness that I can't help at this stage at least, but take it as proof that I can't do it. I can't do the TV show. And...
Yeah, I think I've changed a lot over the years and the things that I really, really want have changed, but it's just happened today. So right in this moment, it just feels like, well, it's this, this idea of doing my own TV show has been this thing I've like held, held on a, held aloft as like this ultimate act of expression, like this, like really, uh,
this huge achievement that only some people are able to do. And only some people get the opportunity to do. And this, you know, for, for some people it's like winning a gold medal at the Olympics. For some people it's making a TV show. For some people it's having kids, you know, whatever, you know, it's different for everyone. For me, it's always been this.
And that has slightly evolved in the last couple of years, but yeah, I think maybe if I, without trying to psychoanalyze myself too much, but it's almost like, I feel like a, like a, this, like a, like a, like a, like the kid version of me has just been rejected.
Like the teenage version of me, who's dreamed of doing this as, and if I could do it and if I could get my own show, then it kind of like proves that, um, you know, like I'm,
Do you feel ready to talk about it now or do you want to?
No, it's okay.
Yeah, it's like that if I could do the show, then that proves that I'm, you know, worthy is the wrong word, but I'm worth something. Mm-hmm. And I'm, you know, I'm proving myself.
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Chapter 8: What are Ryan's thoughts on future opportunities after this experience?
And so I've just glanced down to my phone and saw that. I was like, what? Surely that, what's, what, what? Cause I knew that she was talking to them today, but I didn't, I didn't know that it was going to be like a definitive yes or no situation. And so it's, it's brutal. It's brutal. And I, I'm honestly not trying to like, um, garner any sympathy or anything.
It was more just meant to be like, well, there'd be a handful of people who have been listening for such a long time and will have, will know the, you know, we've been doing this for six years and I spoke about this in the first year. Yeah. And I've been dreaming of it and sort of.
And doing it. Like you've been in a lot of work.
A lot of work. Yeah. But doing it in one way or another or working towards it for genuinely like 20 years more. Yeah. So yeah, and not to say there won't be other opportunities that hopefully there will be, but it's never gone as far as this one. So this felt like it kind of in many ways without being like poor me, it feels like, well, this was the chance. This was the opportunity.
And yeah, and it's not happening now.
It's one of the worst feelings you can have. I think everyone listening would know the rejection of something you care about, like something you really want, something you really care about. And it's just that, yeah, I know exactly how you feel and it's awful.
Yeah. Anyway, well, I'm just really glad I'm here with you guys when I found out because I feel very, very good about everything we do together and that, yeah, I'm very lucky because of that.
From a selfish point of view, we get 100% of your creative brain.
It's a big win for us. It's actually good news for us. Yeah, because I see a bridge scheduling in shitloads of stuff. Pen's just broken. It was opened up. Anyway, well, thanks, guys. That's really all I needed to say.
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