Chapter 1: What frustrations do the hosts vent about in the vault?
Just before we start, did you know that the brain named itself? Think about that. That's insane. It's what? Think about that. It named everything, really. Yeah, no, it did. Why did it want brain? Why did it want to name itself brain?
Well, I was going to say the brain isn't a person, but it is, sort of. Why is it a person? No, no, it's because the brain named itself. What is the brain? The brain named itself. I know. Which means the first person to name the brain was named by a brain in their brain. What the fuck? That's, wait, wait, I don't even know what you just said.
No, no, no. But I'm kind of, I'm picking up what you're putting down. Yeah, yeah, that's steep. But... I don't even know.
You told me. Why are you confused? Because I've gone too deep in my brain. My brain can't even handle its power of itself. But the brain named itself, which means you named the brain. No, the brain named itself. No, but you named me.
Chapter 2: How does Falcon's parenting crisis with his dog unfold?
No, my mum named me.
Oh, yeah, true.
But my mum's brain named me. Think about that.
My favourite time of life is when we step into the vault. You got some shit to get off your chest. Holy mate. So the vault. Guys, you remember the vault. If you're new here, the vault is a place where Falcon and I can step into and completely unload our anger. Just vent. And vent and bitch and complain and just let it all out. But it's not who we really are. No.
And it's a safe space to just be...
Just like... It's just like you're in there, there's no judgment and like what happens in there stays in there and we come out and we're... It was not us. No, it wasn't us.
Well, it was us but we can't be judged for it. No, we can't be judged for it because it wasn't real. No, no, no. But like it's kind of like, you know, it's a place to get something off your chest but it's about things that piss you off that probably shouldn't piss you off.
Yeah, so that's where I started. Like, you know, things that, you know, people maybe are doing nice things for you but they piss you off. Say, for instance... Don't... No... We're not in there. No, I'm just going to give a littleā¦ Okay. We're not in there yet. I'm just going to give a little example for them. I want to get worked up. If anyone's new, listen to it.
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Chapter 3: What are the questionable DMs the hosts respond to?
So say for instance like someone when they're crossing the road and you're driving the car and they tell youā¦ I need to scream. They try and they stop for you and you want to tell the car to keep going.
Yeah, because it's fucking easier if you justā¦ Nah, I can't. I'm getting worked up. Wait till we get in there. Okay. But that's a good example. We're going in the vault right now. We're going to hit him? Nothing. There's no judgment in there. No one can hold this against us. No one can clip this up and cancel us, all right? And you guys can come in with us, you know, another time. Oh, mate.
That feels real cosy in here. The air con is low. Wow, wow. I'm talking 16. It's been a while since I've been in here. They had the air con on. Can we just talk about that again? How people do that? Like how they stop, what you were talking about outside of the vault. Yeah. The cars wait for you. Your face. The cars wait for you. And you're like, no, go, because I've figured this out.
If you just keep going, I can fucking walk in behind you and everyone lives a happy life.
Chapter 4: How do the hosts feel about Gen Z slang?
But you fucking stop for me. Why?
Why? See, this one doesn't get me going that hard. Like, obviously, my biggest pet peeve, and I think it's for a lot of people, is when... This is for everyone. When you let someone in in a car and they don't give you the wave or it's a skinny street and you pull over to the side and they just drive through fanging it and you pull over and then they don't wave. Oh, mate. I will end you.
I will chase... Fuck. Oh, my God. I have to get Nally Road Rage now. I used to be the biggest granny driver and now I'm... I got two points left. Like, I'm so angry in the car. I'm like... I'm losing years of my life. It's because I can fight you back in the car.
I know. I know.
Because I can just get angry at myself. You're in a box. That's so... I'd never actually do it. It's always when the car's driven off until they can't see me anymore when I go... Do you ever give the finger and shit? That's a rough one. Only when they're like 100 meters down the street. Oh, mate.
Actually, we got our motorbike license and someone pulled out in front of me on a motorbike and I realized I wasn't in the car and I was like, fucking idiot. And I was like, and then they looked back and then I was like, pretend I didn't do it. And I was like, looking around and stuff on my motorbike.
It's way too exposed.
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Chapter 5: What advice do the hosts give about dealing with cheapskate friends?
Oh, that's good. Okay, what about this one? When people stop at the top of an escalator. Maybe somebody needs to talk about it. So you're in the shopping mall and you go up an escalator. People get off the escalator and just fucking stop. Do people do that? What do you mean? Have you not seen that? No. No, no. You're going up and... I'm getting angry actually.
I'm thinking about something else on the escalator. It happened to me the other day, right? I hate slow walkers. That's another one. Oh, dude. Dude. Okay, wait. Airport walkers. They're just dawdling. We're going somewhere. We're moving. We're on a plane. Like, what are you doing? It's like their first time on earth. Like, have you not seen the world?
Like, and how people are meant to fucking walk and live. Idiot. What about when you're going up an escalator and, you know, everyone stands to the right.
Chapter 6: What tips do the hosts share after being pickpocketed?
No, left. To the left? Right's in, like, other countries. Okay, whatever.
Everyone stands to one side, but then some person takes up the whole escalator next to someone.
What are you doing?
And everyone's trying to walk and they're just standing there.
Like, are you that thick? Oh, you... Have you not experienced people get up at the top of an escalator and just stop and check their phone? Oh, someone's just not with it. Youā¦ Get out the phone, mate.
Okay, I actually feel a little bit bad about this one. No, you don't.
There's no bad feelings.
There's no bad feelings involved. So you know when someone triesā¦ Say someone tries to call me and I don't answer and then they message me saying, Hey, can you call me back? I need to ask you something. No. Just fucking ask me. Just ask me now. Ask me. Ask me. You just texted me. Just add it on to the end. I don't want to fucking call you. I didn't answer your phone. Yeah, nah. Get away. Okay.
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Chapter 7: How do the hosts reflect on their readiness for parenthood?
Okay, what about this? Feels that good in here, eh? You know when you've been on the phone for like 20 minutes to your phone provider or whatever? Like some call you don't want to be on. Don't love the internet. It's not working. You've been on the phone for 20 minutes and they go, hang on, mate. I'll just transfer you. And the phone hangs up. The phone hangs up. I'm not joking.
That's when I would actually burn down a building. That's real good. I don't even want to be on this phone call. You've wasted that much of my time. Dude. Hey, let me just transfer you. And he goes, beep, beep, beep.
that's 20 minutes of my life that i've like the worst 20 minutes of my life and it's just gonna stay the worst 20 minutes i didn't even get anywhere and then you call them up oh hang on hang on okay no because i've got a few here we can go with this okay we're here so then you call up and you just you recall up you just spent an extra 45 minutes on the phone and then they go after it all and you've just been trying to fix some problem that shouldn't have been in the first place they go hey do you mind just hanging on the phone for another five minutes to
Just a quick survey. Oh, a survey. Do you want your business to run out of business? Because I just had the worst experience of my life and you want a survey?
Oh, mate. That happened to me. I was on the phone this morning because we had an NBN shortage, but I didn't realize until after an hour. And I missed out on my sleep eight, my eight sleep scores because my Wi-Fi died in the middle of the night. Oh my God. Don't fuck with my own sleep. How is he?
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Chapter 8: What closing thoughts do the hosts share about their experiences?
Don't fuck with my sleep and stats. Trust me, I'm with you. My sleep's all twisted right now. Okay, sorry. What about this? Yeah. When it says password incorrect. When you fucking put the same password in for the last 10 years. I love my dog 101 to every single fucking thing you've ever signed up for and it says incorrect password. Why is it the incorrect password? I know it's not.
And you did the same thing five times over and it doesn't work. What goes on there, eh? I'm getting so fired up. Someone's just trying to get us going.
Is that not the most infuriating you've ever felt when that happens? Oh, I meanā¦ You know it's that password. And it saysā¦ Yeah, yeah, yeah. Even before you press enter, you know it's going to say incorrect password. And it is. Oh, fucking Jesus. That does get you going.
Alright, okay. So everyone knows the universal rule. is like if one cooks, the other cleans. I know where this is going. You know where I'm going with this. I know where this is going. Okay. And so that person, that's so universal. Everyone understands that.
But when that person, that motherfucker goes to cook and they use every pot and pan that they can fucking find and then they don't wash up as they're going. At least help a brother out.
Yeah.
They're measuring shit and like... Is this Margaret... Yeah.
I'm not going to say names.
I won't name names in the vault, but in general.
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