Chapter 1: What is the main topic discussed in this episode?
You got nothing. I just yawned. It means you're a psychopath, you know, if you don't yawn when someone else yawns. But if it's a real yawn, you get it. It was a fucking real yawn. I just yawned three times. My eyes are crying. I know. You made yourself. Alright, ready? Alrighty, just before we start, did you know that we have walked through air or breathed air that dinosaurs have?
breathed the same air or walked through the same air as dinosaurs that's cool I think that's actually pretty cool yeah like T-Rexes were breathing what I'm breathing right now or like I was walking through land where they were yeah walking through land where they have walked on is pretty cool but wait were they I didn't get it like where'd they grow up where are they from they're all over on Australia yeah they're in Australia hanging out do you know that
Yeah.
Chapter 2: What are the worst places to get a boner?
They're all over the earth. Okay. That's pretty cool. Surely they're in Australia. So like one's walked down our street. Crocodiles are dinosaurs, so. One's probably walked right here where we're sitting. One was living in the same place where our house is. You don't know that. I don't, but I can imagine. Tyrannosaurus Rex. Boners. Let's talk about them. Let's talk about them.
We've been trying to talk about them. We have. This segment, we have been trying to get over the line past Sarah for the last... Lulu. Lulu. The past, I don't know, three months. And she just keeps going, no, no, we can't talk about them. We're like, can we keep talking about Boners today? She's like, nah, nah.
It's like we're trying to tell everyone about the UFOs and the government keeps shutting us down. That's how it feels. And I feel embarrassed to keep asking for it. I'm like a little toddler.
I could also potentially defend myself in saying that the reason you weren't allowed to play the bonus segment was because you kept trying to put it in episodes where you'd already spoken about your penises.
That's true. But we want to talk about the worst places to get a boner because it happens. It's a real thing that happens to us. It's happened to me. When's the worst time you've ever had a boner? I mean... Okay, no, you go first. I want to go first so everyone remembers yours last. I'm so sick of this. What happened? Just outing ourself. What happened? Okay, so... Oh, mate.
I mean, I think I've actually talked about this maybe years and years ago. But... So I was driving down the snow. I was young. I was going for a hippie era of myself. My auntie and uncle and cousins live in Byron Bay. So I spent a lot of time up there growing up. And I went through this real hippie era where I was like wearing parachute pants and shit.
Parachute pants like... Did you have dreadies? I had dreadies just in the back. It was weird. Did you? You had dreadies? I had dreadies in the... Like half my head, yeah. Wagwan, my man. Wagwan fam. So... Yeah, and then I had all these bracelets and I'd like just barefoot everywhere, like whatever. You haven't grown out of it because you're still barefoot. I love being barefoot.
I'm more... I don't think I'm... I know, it's feral seeing those things. I'm following suits. Dude, your feet have to be locked up. I know. They're disgusting. I have ugly feet. But we're not talking about feet. I am foot shaming. Those things... Need to be put in a cage. I know. I got... He got hairs all over him. I got weird little hobbit feet, everyone says. They're so manky.
They're like the thing I'm most self-conscious about. No, I'm self-conscious about a few things. You're going to shove them in my fucking face. So, I was in hippie stage. I was about... Oh, 12-ish, I think. Nah, you would have been older. Is this when you go into the snow? Yeah. You would have been older than 12. Why? Because like 12, you're so young. You were in like 14 or 15, do you reckon?
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Chapter 3: What embarrassing stories do the hosts share about their experiences?
You justā¦ I don't know what happens. Especially when you're younger. And they don't go down. They don't go down. And you like fight. It's because you're like fighting. I know. Fuck, go down. Sometimes if you need to piss, it's even worse. Yeah. So anyway, this thing started going. It was up. It was up looking for the window. And I was likeā¦ I was so fuckingā¦
Self-conscious, I was like, oh my God. And so what I was doing, I was putting my hands in my pockets, pretending like I'm just like sitting there with my hands in my pockets. You're like tent-polling your hands. This thing, these pants were see-through. They're like half a millimeter thick. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're pretty much see-through. It's like wearing glad wrap around your legs.
Yeah, they're blue see-through parachute pants. So anyway, sitting there and I'm like covering my crotch. Anyway, we get out to a piss stop and I'm walking out of the car. Both, I'm pretty sure she knew. So I'm on the seat. Cousin's like a seat over and I'm trying to hide it. How old is she? How old's your cousin? I don't know how old she is actually, but she's a few years old.
And then I'm like, go to get, so we stop and it won't go down. We're not going out for hours. Then we go to get out of the car to do a piss break or something. And I'm walking with both hands in my pocket for,
pulled out as far as they can walking like a crab it was fuck man did she know well they're obviously not going to say anything I think they all knew by this point I think the mum and dad knew as well why'd you even get out of the car I had to I would have held on to that because it's like a balloon you need to pop the balloon and pissing is the way to get the thing down it's a bit of a pressure you gotta let the pressure like ease out yeah and maybe getting some blood flow going in your body like moving around yeah because normally when you're on a plane right I know you've had some plane experiences I've had some incidents
You've had some instances that when you walk around the aisle, that's how to help it. Yeah. You think? See, I wouldn't get up. Well, it's different because you have wet dreams on planes. Well, no. Like if it's flaring and shit, you can't get up and walk down the aisle. Like I'm just sitting there and I'll wait for that thing to ease itself out. But sometimes it doesn't. Yeah, I know.
So you have to be there for a while. You have to tuck it into your belt. Yeah, that's what I usually do. But anyway, I have a story. This is so embarrassing. I haven't spoken about this before. But in year 10ā¦ This is a fresh story for me. Yeah. I love this. Yeah, this is so heavy.
Yeah, in year 10, I was in a class and I kind of had this little floaty thing going on with a girl and she was giving me back scratches in class while I was working. The guy's equivalent to flowers. And like, I can't... You know when you're young, real young? You're not real young if you're at school in high school. Yeah, year 10, that's young. That's not young. If a girl touches you, it's...
Like, it just goes up. Don't you reckon? Not if it's a fucking back scratch. Oh, my God. Literally, someone could have, like, brushed my leg and I used to get a boner. That's crazy. Shut up. That's bullshit. A back scratch. Yeah, anyway. I was getting excited. Where's your mind going? Anyway. Like, it was like a little bit flirty. Okay. Anyway. So, your mind's right.
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Chapter 4: How does the listener's Amsterdam experience unfold?
That's like, you know, when everyone's starting to hit puberty, everyone's like wigging out and starts being mean. And everyone has egos and you're not mature and you think you're too cool for everything. Yeah, and it's when people start like hooking up with people as well. So it's like, oh, you haven't hooked up with a girl yet and you haven't, you know. So there's a lot of weird hierarchy.
And the year 10 quad. And it's real experimental with like, drinking and smoking and all that type of stuff. So it's just like a really weird time. I love that you're trying to justify how you had a boner and you got bullied. You're trying to get around it. But whatever makes you happier. Whatever gets you through it is fine. I think it's fine to get a boner. It's natural. Yeah.
It's a beautiful thing. But anyway, so this has brought us into where do you think is the worst place you can get a boner? Straight up. Getting a massage. Yeah. This goes through my head. When you were just talking about thatā¦ I'm like constantly thinkingā¦ This sounds so weird, especially to women listening, but I'd say 90% of guys would think this from the guys I've spoken to anyway.
You just like don't get a boner. Yeah, the whole time. Don't get a boner. The whole time. Not the whole time, but you definitely think it at least 10 times whilst getting a massage. Don't get a boner when you have to turn around because how fucking awkward. And you don't. I never have. But I'm like, just don't because it would be that moment in life that's the most fucking awkward. Yeah.
I used to think like that a lot. But now, I've kind of let itā¦ It's gone from my mind. We don't want to get too relaxed because that's when everything will pop up. But I remember a few times freaking out about that. Like, please don't. Please don't. And the more you think about don'tā¦ I know. It makes youā¦ Start thinking about it and shit. Yeah.
It's likeā¦ It starts goingā¦ It starts firing up a little bit like a chainsaw.
Yeah.
And because you're laying on your stomach, you're thinking, is it up? Yeah. There's pressure. There's pressure. What's going to happen when she tells me to turn around? Is this going to be the worst day of my life or what? I reckon that's a good one. But this is very similar. At the physio. Imagine someone's going to work on your hammy, mate. And if that went up, that could be life-changing.
Dude.
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Chapter 5: What lessons can be learned from moving overseas for love?
Oh, it's so fun. We won't get another one of those chats for a while. Exactly. We're going to run with it. What about... At like a dentist when you're like, you know, because you can't really move at a dentist. Pretty much in a coffin. Yeah, you're laid back and there's people around, there's bright lights. If that's things out of the riseā¦ Yeah. Not good. Nah.
In the water especially, I'm going to go back to that. Like when you're with your girlfriend, this happens all the time. Yeah. If you're in the water and you're like cuddling and shit, likeā¦ There's something in the salt. I don't know what it is. You know, even when you wake up in a bed, like, you know, if you're sleeping with your mate, you're sharing a bed. Oh, that's not good.
Everyone's waking up with a stiff night. A stone cold Steve Austin. Yeah, yeah. You're waking up with Triple H. Triple H. That thing's like the Undertaker. It's just, the Undertaker is like a Rosen. Why is that? When you wake up, you always have a stiff one. I always have a stiff one. Okay. Anyway, there's a lot of bad places to have one. I swear at the mechanics would just be bad, I reckon.
What? I don't know. I'm just thinking about like being at the mechanics and having one for some reason just wouldn't be good. Why? I don't know. Just thinking about it. Yeah, like big spinners there. Spinners are everywhere. Those throwing a spinner in the works right there. Okay, what about this? In the body scanner of an airport. Yeah, I was thinking that. Fuck. Far out.
Because you got to put your hands over your head. You can't even hide that thing. And they start patting you down and shit. They're going, what is that casket? Yeah, who brought the broomstick in? I need to search, please. There's a mop down that guy's pants. Dude. Because it could look like that in an x-ray. Because it's like that and all your pubic hair could look like a mop.
Dude.
Sorry, what the hell? Okay, we're going to have to wrap this up. What's the one? The fun's over. Let's get back to... I know, but like it's so fun. Why is it fun? Standing on a plane in the aisle while people are trying to get past you. And you're trying to get something down from your bag. Yeah, you're trying to... No, yeah, no, no.
You're in the aisle waiting for the toilet because your Peter Parker's up and someone's trying to get past you. So you turn one way, you poke someone in the face by accident and you turn the other way and someone brushes up against it and spins you around. And then you go to Dennis Rodman.
LAUGHTER
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Chapter 6: How do the hosts respond to listener questions about relationships?
There's nothing worse that could happen when you're tripping balls.
I didn't even need to pull the trigger after that. It was, like, projectile vomit afterwards. Oh, my God, dude. I thought, like, if I'm going to share this story, like, I might as well tell it, like, on the pod. I literally was, like, I remember I had tears streaming down my face. Like, just, like... What have I done? This is the worst day of my life.
Like, it was so, and I'm still, I'm still high.
You put your own shit in your mouth?
I put my own shit in my mouth, Jack.
I put my own shit in my mouth. It worked though. It fucking worked. It did.
That's proper tactical. I wasn't even gagging. Like I just had to like taste a bit of shit and it was like out.
Oh my God. So you had nothing in your stomach and you're going at it out of both ends. Did it get rid of the effects? No. No.
I go down to the bathroom. Mum looks at me and she's like, you look really pale. Like, what happened? And I was like, don't worry about it. Like, literally, like, don't worry about it. And we're, like, walking around the zoo. And I remember, like, we would pass buildings and I'd just be like, we've seen this building before. And mum would be like, I haven't, mate.
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Chapter 7: What funny moments arise during the discussion about boners?
If you're getting high, don't eat shit because that's not going to help you. Don't eat shit.
It might help you. It might help you trigger the bomb, but that's it.
What's your takeaway from that story? What's your travel guide what not to do?
Don't eat three quarters of a brownie and don't think that the edibles are gimmicks. They're real.
They're real. MCM edibles hit fucking different, eh? Nah. They're crazy. Yuck. I had a really, really bad experience on them. Like, because we thoughtā¦ It was the first time ever eating a brownie. And we thought it might be like, you know, like a high feeling. Because it's meant to be like a weed brownie. But it's like hallucinateā¦ It's like you hallucinate out of control.
Like we had, yeah, Grant. Eyes rolling back in his head. It was our house, mate. And saying likeā¦ I thought he was possessed and I was like grabbing him and shaking him and he wouldn't shake it. And I was literally talking in the mirror, practicing the phone call I was going to call to his mom to say he's dead. No. That's how it was the worst experience literally of my life. It was so bad.
So I know the pain. And at the start, we're all giggly and like, oh, this is kind of funny. It's like a scary giggle. And then this guy, we're in a chip shop and he yelled at us. And once he yelled at us, like the mood just changed. and it got so dark and it was just dark from then on out. How long did it last?
It's that feeling where you're like, oh my God, okay, I have to sit with this for the next like, how many hours.
I thought I was never coming back. I thought it was me for the rest of my life. That's the thing. When you're in that state, you're thinking, I'll pay any type of money or I'll give a leg if I can just get out of this. Yeah. You just want to rewind time and you're like, I'm so sorry. I'm better than that. I didn't want to be in this position anyway. I didn't think I was signing up for this. Yeah.
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Chapter 8: What are the realities of traveling and relationships?
Yeah, hit me. It's not who you are that holds you back. It's who you think you're not. So it's like those doubts of like, I'm not good enough. It's like, no, you should think more about yourself. So you think you're not. Yeah. Fuck yeah. You're like telling yourself you're not that guy, but you are that guy. You are. So you think you're not. You be that guy. I am that guy. You're that guy.
You're trying to think you're not, but you are that guy. You're telling yourselfā¦ Bad tings. You're him. You are him. Wag one, fam. And she is her. She is her. And they are them. They are. And I am me. You know what I'm saying? You are you. I can be who I want to be because that is me and I show seesaw on the seashore. Correct. Fuck yeah. Spilled that castle.
Dude, trust is within the power that you hold beneath your soul. Thee that I know, I am them. The greatest shall seek throughout the oceans that reek. That is correct. Yeah. So take that. Take that. What was the quote? Try and tell me the quote. The quote is... You aren't... What was it? You aren't who you think you are. You are what you're not. Fuck. I don't know. Anyway.
Anyway, please send us in. Do you remember? You say it. It's not... Oh, shit. Ha!