Are You Hiding Behind Happy? Allison Holker Reveals All Pt 2:The Power of Sharing Your Struggles, Creating Community & Healing Together
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Are you hiding behind happy? Do you feel like you always have to lift everyone else up or people please, or should only be seen when you're happy? If this is you, you're not alone. Studies show 40% of us frequently suppress our negative emotions, all to put on a happy face for everyone else. But doing that, experts say, can take a severe toll on mental and physical health and well-being without us even realizing it. Today's guest, Allison Holker, says she and late husband Steven Twitchboss know this all too well. And today on this episode of The Jamie Kern-Lima Show, Allison is sharing parts of her story she's never shared before. with the intention, she says, of inspiring and helping others who might also be struggling alone before it's too late. She's also sharing how she says Twitch gave her permission and his blessing to share these parts of their story. Allison Holker is an Emmy-nominated choreographer, dancer, host, actor, and author.
She first burst onto the scene when she competed in So You Think You Can Dance, where she met fellow dancer Steven Twitch Boss, who she married in December of 2013. She and tWitch amassed millions of fans across the globe with their heartfelt spirits and warm, inspiring dances. In 2022, tWitch sent shockwaves through the world and through his family when he took his own life, leaving behind his wife Allison and their three kids and leaving millions of people asking why and how could this have happened? And today, with the hope of helping others see the warning signs with their loved ones, or perhaps seek help for themselves, Allison is sharing lessons, insights, and revelations she's had, including the heartbreaking realization that she says her husband Stephen's infectious joy was hiding pain, secrets, and self-doubt deeper than anyone knew.
In her brand new book called This Far, My Story of Love, Loss, and Embracing the Light, Allison is sharing her story for the first time ever and says she's donating 100% of the proceeds from her book to the Move With Kindness Foundation. Coming up in this episode... We were both talking about having another baby. And three weeks later, what you call the incomprehensible happened. Steven took his own life.
When the cops first told me what had happened, I did not believe them. I thought they had gotten the wrong person.
You say Steven embarked on an ayahuasca journey, which is a plant medicine journey, and you say that he wasn't the same afterwards. Yeah.
I think it was a very big turning point for him. I feel like his heart was never really in the same place when he came back. There was something missing in his eyes. It just kind of feels like he opened something up to himself that he never healed and never fully escaped. I will always celebrate Steven. I think he was a wonderful person, and I'm really sad what he went through. But I also have to be careful because I can't celebrate so much of his choice. And that's a really fine line I have to walk as a mother right now is because they are very hurt by their father's decision. And they have a lot of triggers that they have to be in therapy now to really work through. But what I am impressed with is that they are doing the work and they are putting in the time and they are finding joy in life and they are finding laughter again. But there's a lot to unpack for them that they'll have to deal with for the rest of their lives. Can you talk about the tree emoji the night before he died? This will be something I will always be confused about.
We had had so much trust in our relationship that we never had ever had locations on our phones. I had never even looked at his phone. I don't even know what his codes are. I don't know any of his passwords. I don't have a bank account shared with him. I never had. I wouldn't even know how to... look at anything like that's how much in our relationship was just like if he told me something i just believed it and so when the cops were asking me all these questions well have you looked at his phone where is you know his locations have you looked at his bank accounts i was like i don't have access to any of it on the third day after he passed you were cuddling your daughter zaya and you say stephen paid you a visit
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