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Chapter 1: What is discussed at the start of this section?
Joe Rogan Podcast, check it out. The Joe Rogan Experience.
Train by day, Joe Rogan Podcast by night, all day. All right, brother. Hey. What's happening? What's going on? Same shit. Great to be here. Great to see you. How you feeling?
I sit on my knee like a tip-top fucking Magoo. I can't believe you could walk so quickly after getting the knee fixed again. It was like three days, man. That's nuts. But yesterday I fucked it up at Newark Airport because I wanted to walk. But it was like I walk every day at the gym and then I walk my neighborhood for breakfast and after dinner.
Chapter 2: How does Joey Diaz manage his knee recovery?
But that's a loop. This was 10 loops yesterday. So thank God I had a baggie with edibles with me on the plane. I hate the edibles. And I asked the fucking flight attendant if she'd give me some ice, and that's how I got it down. Then you rub it with that Vortom shit, that liquid cocaine juice. What? Yeah, there's a cream that became illegal. You buy it over the counter. What is that? It's Vortom.
Don't quote me, man. But it's a good cream. It numbs your eyes. You have to rub it, though, twice a day. Oh, yeah? Yeah, but it fucking feels fantastic. I've never heard of it. Yeah, Voltron, Voltrax. What? Don't listen to me, though. Just Google what's the... Is that it? That's it, Voltran. Voltran, arthritis pain. And you just rub it on your knee?
Yeah, a couple times a day, anything that hurts. What is it? It's like a fucking gel with cocaine that takes care of the fucking situation for you. Prescription strength over-the-counter non-steroidal anti-inflammatory that penetrates the skin to relieve joint pain, inflammation, and stiffness. Interesting. I never heard of it before. Widely used for osteoarthritis and muscle aches.
Should not be used for acute injuries like simple strains or bruises. I wonder why. Why can't you use it for strains or bruises? Does it say why? That seems weird because, like, that's what people use, like, ibuprofen and shit for. I wonder why you can't use it. Like, I couldn't use any of that shit. I could only use Tylenol, whatever the fuck that is. I couldn't take ibuprofen after the surgery.
No? Have you ever used DMSO? I don't know what that is, Joe. It's the shit right here. You rub it on? Yeah. That's another horse tranquilizer, another horse medication. Yeah, they use it in veterinary applications, but it's really good for pain, for pain and injury. Take that. Keep it. No, I have a bunch of them. Thank you. I buy shit in bulk. We were talking about Lala Zeta.
yeah that was the early steroids which were the 70s yeah you don't know what the we were getting in the 70s everything came from germany i think i think they were roblin all that i think they were getting human growth hormone from cadavers see if that's true jamie put that into our ai sponsor perplexity did they used to get human growth hormone from cadavers i think they did i think that's how they used to get it what do you get human growth hormone from now
That's a good question. I don't know. I don't know how they do it. It's synthetic. I know it's synthetic. So it must be they isolate the molecule, they figure out how to reproduce it, and then they make it somehow. I have no idea. But the way they used to do it back then... Cadaver-derived human growth hormone was real used mid-1900s to 1985.
It turned out to be dangerous because it sometimes transmitted prion diseases like Creutzfeldt-Jakob and is no longer used. It has been fully replaced by synthetic recombinant HDH. So Creutzfeldt-Jakob disease, that's mad cow disease. It's the same kind of disease. And what it comes from is it's the same thing that cannibals get.
When people eat human brain tissue and neurons and that kind of shit, you get this same disease. alzada was one of the first u.s.
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Chapter 3: What are the implications of using performance-enhancing substances?
No, I stay away from those monsters. They get right in front of you. They're ridiculous. I don't trust those cars at all, and I don't see how people sit. I don't. It's not for me, brother. Did you hear about that lady? She got into one, and a homeless guy was in the back? No. Yeah, some guy used the Waymo. He got his luggage out, left the hatch open, probably figured the thing closed itself.
It didn't. Homeless guy hopped in, shut the door. Lady gets the Waymo. There's a homeless guy in the back. He starts yelling at her for paying robots. Why are you paying robots? I got to tell you about my homeless situation this week, Joe. Oh, no. So my daughter played at Egg Harbor this weekend. It's like 25 minutes outside of Atlantic City, which is an hour and a half from my house.
So we went down for Saturday's tournament. They won. Now we got two more games on Sunday. So we got a hotel. I didn't want to get a hotel at Ocean's. I'm going to be at Ocean's in August, but I didn't want to go there because all the other parents were in fucking Harris. So I said, fuck it. I don't want to be that guy. I'll stay at Harris with you.
So the game ended, and my wife had to drive the kids somewhere. And I go, you know what? Because every weekend when I go on those little trips, I go to a weed store. Like last week, I went into one in Trenton. Dog, this was a block from the state capitol. You could see the dome. The black guy called me back and he goes, no, no, no, I got a secret place in the back.
He had mushrooms, mushroom chocolate. Don't say this. You're going to, you guys are going to get in trouble. Dog, there's 18 stores in fucking, you know, you got to figure it out. I'm not ratting nobody out. They know what's going on, the cops. They got a, I mean, they had packaged mushrooms, all different flavors, grew a wide whole thing. This week I go to Atlantic City.
I go to this one, Everald, whatever. It's supposed to be the big one. The big one. The big weed store in Atlantic City. And it's right by the casino. So as I pull up, I park my car in front. As I walk out, there's four yoked brothers. Yoked with gold chains on in one of those fucking suburban millionaire cars. What do you call the big truck? Escalades? No, the other one.
The one that looks like they're attacking your town. Oh, AMG? G-Wagons? I don't fucking know. Anyway, they're in there bumping shit, and they see me, and they go, yo, we know you. And I go, yeah, what up, brother? Hold on, I'll catch you on the way out. I thought by the time I got out, they would leave. So I went in. I come out, and they're all outside their cars, all four brothers.
Yo, big gold chain. He's like, yo, you're the motherfucker that goes on Rogan. Nah, that's the motherfucker from The Longest Yard. We looked you up. So they're talking to me, talking to me, talking. We're rocking and rolling. Rogan, the UFC. Yo, what do you think about that? And I'm loving it. But in the middle of all this, this black little homeless crackhead.
Walks his way over, and I could hear him ask the other guy, who's this white motherfucker? And the black guy goes, that's the dude from The Longest Yard. You know, the football movie. The black guy comes over, and I see him. Walk right over, he goes, hey, Mr. Football Man, why don't you break out a dollar for me? He just bummed me out a dollar. I had to give him 10.
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Chapter 4: What crazy steroid evasion story is shared?
Wanna hear the craziest steroid evasion story that I ever heard from piss? There was a guy who was fighting and he knew he was gonna get piss test and he was just juiced to the tits. So the legend is that they inserted clean urine into his bladder through injection. So he injected clean urine into his bladder with a needle. Whether or not that's true, I have no idea.
But this is what everybody, this is like early days of the UFC. Like when they first started drug testing people. I don't even think it was in the UFC that he did this. I think it was in another organization. But I don't know if it's true. Think about what's going on on the other side of this. Your addiction is that high.
Well, these guys, when they're that juiced up, when they're that juiced up, they're not getting off of it. No, no. I get it. I understand. So you understand the extremes that people do? Yeah. Could you ever shoot fucking fake piss? I'm like, Joey, go piss in the fucking thing. I'm going to shoot Joey's piss. A guy willing to do that and trusting that guy was finding your bladder.
He could shoot piss into your liver. Like, who knows what this guy even understands anatomy. But these are the levels that you do. So here I am, surgery don't work, fucking nothing works, and one day I'm at a pool. I'm like, oh, shit, when you piss in the pool, the pool cleaner. cleaned all this and not the pool would be green the next day. So this is your logic?
I went, I took the kids, I took one of those cubes first. The crumbs? Smashed it up. And then I put it on my outside of a dick because I'm uncircumcised, so I would pull the skin back, and that would fall into the fucking piss. So he told me once, he goes, something happened last time. You fucked up the machine or something like that, right?
Women would insert condoms filled with someone else's urine inside themselves, he said. Some athletes would inject urine into their bladders using a catheter. Oh, God, they did do that. So that's real.
Yeah.
So maybe that's how he did it.
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Chapter 5: How do personal experiences with addiction impact decisions?
Maybe they used a catheter, and that's how they put the fake. But then there's the Wizenator. Yeah, that was the rubber dick. Wasn't there some stuff that you could buy that you would get at a head shop and it supposedly detoxed you? No, but this is 89. But does that stuff work?
When I was Googling it, it says nothing's real that's ever happened. Nothing's real? Yeah, I always assumed that it wasn't real.
I was like, are you selling this at a head shop? Stuff from the 90s. These are some of the products. But the killer was when I used Drano. Oh, okay, so this is all bullshit. Yeah. They just rob people. Yeah, they just rob people. Fetish urine. Look at that. Look at that label. It's fetish urine? What the fuck does that mean?
It's probably a way to sell it because you have to say what, you know. So that's piss. Not for human consumption or something.
Oh, so that's your buying piss? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, so that's an actual bag of piss on the right? Oh, good lord. This one calls it tinkle. It's fetish urine. So if you just, like, want someone to piss on you, but no one's willing. Yeah. You've already told that story about the guy with the gay club, the guy in the bathtub. Everybody was pissing on him in the tub.
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Chapter 6: What insights about recovery and health do they discuss?
Yeah.
And then that party Shamer took me to in that hotel next to the comedy store, and they were getting pissed on in there, the women. And then I wake up Saturday. I'm feeling good about myself. And I'm on Twitter, and I see Bonnie Blue. She had a—that chick is fucking—she got pissed on. Had a baby shower in her ass. People were pissing their pussy in her ass.
And I'm like, somebody's got to stop that woman. She's the least of her problems. Oh, my God. A fucking baby shower? Yeah. When I used the drain, although that was the best, because that destroyed the machine. But the truth of the matter is... When he said something happened last time? Well, this is what happened.
I put the drain on my dick, and I walked up to the counter, and I put it on the desk, and he asked me questions. How's it been? And I'm looking at the thing, and it's starting to foam. Like this thing. And it's coming out of the bag.
Like a dishwasher.
And I'm looking at this thing going, this motherfucker better not. And what he did was he just picked it up and threw it in the bag, like when they pick it up and test it. Sometimes you leave the top off. That was an old trick. You leave the top off, and then it spilled. Oh, no. So that buys you one extra week. But the time with the Drano, it started like, blah, blah.
It was like shaking at the thing, like foam was coming out of the fucking sides, and I locked it up good. That's what happened. There was no oxygen. That motherfucker was like, you know, boom. So I put it in the fucking thing. And he called me a few days later. He's like, listen, I wrote up a thing. I'm taking you to court because you broke the machine. This cannot continue.
This cannot continue? This can continue.
This can continue. This is like a fucking cat and mouse game. What did you put in your body? What happened?
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Chapter 7: What health issues does Joey Diaz discuss?
I get under my tit. The fungus just grows. I don't know what I have to eat. Some days I eat something, and it backfires. And I get all these fungus marks. I get all itchy and shit. I don't feel free. But this bitch burnt that toe for six weeks, and every week I would ask her more creepy questions. She would have to take that mask off and smell that fungus. Dog, it was horrible.
When she would walk out, she'd close the door. I was like, nope. And the thing never worked. She never burned me once. But she was serious with that blowtorch. It didn't work? No, it did nothing. I told you, the fungus is too deep. So to get rid of that, you have to do a liver test to see how strong. Because the zapping is fucking hard on your body. And it's really hard on your liver.
So my liver didn't cut it. So they can't zap me with that medication. Did you hear about that lady who had Alzheimer's? She couldn't talk anymore. They gave her five grams of psilocybin mushrooms. And she's singing opera now. All of a sudden, she came back. It's unbelievable. She started talking. They said she hadn't talked in a long time. She could remember things.
I know for a fact, I got a good buddy of mine that stuttered. That was his childhood thing. Every time he smoked crack, you should have seen that motherfucker, not a strut in there. He talks to you straight. You know Paul Stamets, the mushroom expert? He's been on this podcast many times. He's a legitimate mycologist, like a scientist. He had a horrible stutter when he was a kid. Took 10 grams.
Gone. Gone. Gone. It's unreal. And people will still go, no, mushrooms are deadly. They're going to kill you. Fuck you.
Isn't that crazy?
You need to see the devil every once in a while in your life. And that's what people don't. They don't see the downside. Because eating those mushrooms from time to time makes you step out like THC does and makes you look at yourself and make like a judgment call on what the fuck you're doing with your life. What are you doing with your life?
Are you chewing that fucking zin and talking at the same time? Yeah. I don't know. I don't have big enough fucking gums, I guess. I don't know. Don't say that. Yeah, the real problem is that it's illegal. You know what they should do with that? You know what they did with Colorado with 39% tax? Make mushrooms 100%. Tax it 100%. We'll still buy them. People will still buy them. Make it legal.
Tax it 100%. You know how much fucking money they would generate? And I guarantee you, well, I was going to say people wouldn't be doing more mushrooms, but they definitely would. But it would be good for everybody. Listen, the only thing that stalls people from mushrooms is the taste. Most people put it in the grinder and then they put it in capsules and they do it that way.
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