Parental Roles
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What are the challenges and rewards of parenting?
There is nothing you'll do in life that's more challenging, difficult, and rewarding than being a parent. Nothing with greater highs or lower lows. Worthwhile meaning in your life is going to be found in the voluntary adoption of responsibility. Voluntary self-sacrifice, that's the spirit of the functional psyche, family and community. What does it mean to be a father?
What does it mean to be a mother?
What does it mean to be a mother? You need to know very clearly what it is that you can do for your children in order to help them live a life that's adventurous and responsible. I've distilled the decades of my experience as a researcher and clinical psychologist into the lessons every striving mother or father needs to learn.
What does it mean to be a father?
If you've ever thought about becoming a parent or are a parent already, this series is for you. Hello. I sat down recently with many moms and dads to personally discuss the situations they were facing with their children.
Our 13 year old, we spoiled the heck out of him.
My daughter came to tell us that her classmates were bullying her.
The question for me becomes, when do I pick him up and when do I make him pick himself up?
What lessons can you derive from today's discussion? How do you operate effectively as a father and as a mother in today's world? Well, you could say, if you wanted to play sex stereotype, that a mother secures and a father encourages. You could say that a father is radically on the side of who the child could become, and a mother is more radically on the side of who the child is. And that's a nice dynamic, because when you're dealing with a child, you have to be happy and grateful for who they are, and encouraging them to be the person they could become. Now, I think it's a mistake for the mother always to be the nurturer and the father always to be the person pushing forward.
How can parents balance nurturing and encouragement?
Both parents should play both roles, but that's a good way of considering the sex differentiation.
When it comes to nurturing and snuggling, it's more my role as opposed to when it's time to play or go outside or do things like that. That's more Nathan's department, which I find for me, it is difficult to play with my kids. How do I sit down and play with his trucks and not feel like I should be doing something else without feeling like I should be washing dishes?
What is the importance of time with young children?
I should be putting things away.
In all likelihood, you're going to be a mother of small children for a much shorter time than you think and for a much smaller fraction of your life than you imagine. While you have little kids, time sort of slows and it seems like it's always been that way and it's always going to be that way and that's not the case. You have little kids for a very short period of time and it is a major mistake not to notice that and to appreciate it. It's the pathway to a future with the least regrets to understand and be grateful for the opportunity that you have to care for your children while they're little and to be as grateful as you possibly can for that because it really is a privilege.
How should parents approach independence in children?
Just being a parent, nothing I was ever interested in prior to this really is worthy of my time or concern at this moment. I don't know if that will last forever. And I'm curious about how things like my career, the things I have been doing outside of the house, relationships, other things I'm involved in, now work in to our lives. And I'm very open to the answer being, you sacrifice it.
In the first few months of life, a child has to be in very close contact with his or her mother. It's virtually impossible to give a true infant too much attention. In fact, I don't even know if it is possible. As the child becomes autonomous, can start doing things on his or her own, then you have to pull back in lockstep with the child's independence. And you might say, well, how do you know how fast to pull back? You really take your cues from the child. A mother or a parent acts as a zone of security and predictability and care for the child. And so the child uses the mother, let's say, as a place of safety and will come back for comfort, for attention, and then will go out into the world and play and interact until they hit an obstacle.
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Chapters
8 chapters
1
What are the challenges and rewards of parenting?
0:27–0:56
2
What does it mean to be a mother?
0:56–1:19
3
What does it mean to be a father?
1:19–2:44
4
How can parents balance nurturing and encouragement?
2:44–3:24
5
What is the importance of time with young children?
3:24–4:24
6
How should parents approach independence in children?
4:24–7:07
7
What mistakes do parents make with discipline?
7:07–7:22
8
How to avoid overindulging children?
7:22–15:56