The Jordan Harbinger Show
1144: Can Family Ties Overcome Son's Deranged Lies? | Feedback Friday
Fri, 25 Apr 2025
After a criminal probe triggered by your unstable son's lies, you lost touch with your grandson. Is reconnection worth the risk? It's Feedback Friday!And in case you didn't already know it, Jordan Harbinger (@JordanHarbinger) and Gabriel Mizrahi (@GabeMizrahi) banter and take your comments and questions for Feedback Friday right here every week! If you want us to answer your question, register your feedback, or tell your story on one of our upcoming weekly Feedback Friday episodes, drop us a line at [email protected]. Now let's dive in!Full show notes and resources can be found here: jordanharbinger.com/1144On This Week's Feedback Friday, We Discuss:How exciting is jury duty? Listen as Gabe regales us with his personal trials and tribulations from the courthouse this week.You raised a son with severe behavioral problems despite years of therapy and interventions. After your husband's suicide, your son fabricated horrific accusations against you, triggering a criminal investigation and severing your relationship with your beloved grandson. Now that this grandson is nearing adulthood, should you risk reaching out?Your 65-year-old neighbor suddenly asked to borrow money twice in two days. When pressed, he revealed he's sending funds to a "longtime friend" — an architect stranded in Jakarta after an accident who just needs "one more payment" for surgery before flying to live with him. This is obviously a scam, but how do you save someone from their own delusion?You work on an understaffed hospital team providing essential services while shouldering impossible workloads. After implementing numerous improvements, your requests for additional staff are routinely denied. A new job offers better work-life balance but less pay — and your current employer just invested $15,000 in your professional development. Should you stay or flee?Recommendation of the Week: Morena Products Cashew Butter | Morena Products on InstagramYou've ended the four-year relationship with your high school sweetheart after realizing your boyfriend — who complained about driving to see you and only made time once weekly — was planning to propose even though he could seldom be bothered to respect your boundaries or support your growth. How do you harness this newfound freedom in an empowering way without being overwhelmed?Have any questions, comments, or stories you'd like to share with us? Drop us a line at [email protected]!Connect with Jordan on Twitter at @JordanHarbinger and Instagram at @jordanharbinger.Connect with Gabriel on Twitter at @GabeMizrahi and Instagram @gabrielmizrahi.And if you're still game to support us, please leave a review here — even one sentence helps! Consider including your Twitter handle so we can thank you personally!This Episode Is Brought To You By Our Fine Sponsors: jordanharbinger.com/dealsSign up for Six-Minute Networking — our free networking and relationship development mini course — at jordanharbinger.com/course!Subscribe to our once-a-week Wee Bit Wiser newsletter today and start filling your Wednesdays with wisdom!Do you even Reddit, bro? Join us at r/JordanHarbinger!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
Chapter 1: Who are the hosts of Feedback Friday and what is the show about?
Welcome to Feedback Friday. I'm your host, Jordan Harbinger. As always, I'm here with Feedback Friday producer, the moisture-wicking headband keeping you dry on this marathon of sweaty life conundra, Gabriel Mizrahi.
On the Jordan Harbinger Show, we decode the stories, secrets, and skills of the world's most fascinating people, and we turn their wisdom into practical advice that you can use to impact your own life and those around you. Our mission is to help you become a better informed, more critical thinker. During the week, we have long-form conversations with a variety of amazing folks.
War correspondents and neuroscientists to Russian spies and cold case homicide investigators. This week we had Layla Micklewaite, author of the book Takedown. Layla is fascinating. She went on a mission to hold the pornography website Pornhub accountable for sex trafficking. It's an absolutely wild story. She's super brave. I didn't realize how much sex trafficking and rapey stuff went on.
Stuff you don't think about, and it's really dark. what's on that website and how they got away with it for so long. We also had a Skeptical Sunday last Sunday on cannabis. Yes, we did one a long time ago. We decided to do it again. We had, well, it's a complex topic. What can I say?
On Fridays, though, we share stories, take listener letters, offer advice, play obnoxious soundbites, and compare Gabe to various forms of functional athleisure.
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Chapter 2: What was Gabriel's experience with jury duty this week?
Yeah, but speaking of which, do you know who wasn't wearing functional athleisure the last two days? Me, because I was on jury duty this week, and that's why we had to record later in the week.
Man, jury duty sounds like it could be awesome or a giant drag, but you can't wear athleisure where you gotta dress nice?
I dressed up a little bit. Maybe I just wanted the opportunity to dress up. There were a lot of people wearing athleisure. Too much athleisure.
Yeah, because the trial is not happening now. They're doing jury selection, right? They're not going to be fair enough.
Maybe dress code when it actually goes to trial. Maybe.
Jury of your peers. Your peers are just a gross mix of your neighbors, which are a gross mix of the people out in the world. Might as well show up in your Lululemon.
That's right. Show up in your Lulus. A lot of people hate jury duty. I actually don't hate jury duty. I kind of like it. I know I sound like a Boy Scout right now, but I do consider it an important duty. And I feel lucky to live in a country with a somewhat functioning judiciary. Can I really complain that I have to do this for a few days? Not really.
To be honest, I've never actually been on a jury. I've been a witness and stuff, which is fun, too. But I've never been on a jury. If I got selected, I would feel, yeah, it's your duty because if you don't do it, you're like a thoughtful person is going to examine the evidence and like knows things. The person they might select might just be like, screw this. I can't pay attention.
I got to go home. Sure. He looks guilty because I don't know, he's brown or something. I'm hungry. Like, you don't know.
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Chapter 3: How does jury selection work and what were some memorable moments?
That would, it was like 375, but that would have been awkward. And also, yeah, what would have happened? Would they have to automatically dismiss you because you have a previous relationship?
It's the other side might be like, what's your relationship? Oh, I just thought she was cute. So I went to talk to her at Starbucks. They'd be like, you're out of here because what you think the plaintiff is hot. No, thanks. That's not going to work out in my favor. You're out of here, pal.
But you know what's funny? Everyone wants to get out of jury duty. And so people are always like, do I do the Larry David thing and just say, I'm a flagrant racist, your honor, and then get dismissed? Or do I tell them that I have previous experience with this? No, the answer is just hit on council on both sides and then you're eliminated. It was so funny.
It felt like an episode of Grey's Anatomy or something like, what is this twist? Anyway, the judge gives us the instructions, and one of them is, if you run into the defendant or the plaintiff or a counselor, please do not talk to them. Oh, jeez. And if you do talk to them, they're not going to respond. He goes way out of his way. He was so nice.
He was like, it's not because they don't want to talk to you. I'm sure they would love to talk to you. It's because they're not allowed to talk to you. And in my head, I'm like, you think, Your Honor? You think you want to talk to me? Yes. If you were allowed to, hypothetically, think I could get a date with the plaintiff?
And then, of course, I'm sitting there because I'm always working on stories. I'm imagining what's going to happen if we get in the elevator together later. And I'm like, this would be a great opening to a movie or a show. Like two people hit it off and then they end up in a trial together and neither of them says anything. It's just funny. So they begin voir dire, jury selection.
And this woman, the lawyer, is...
one of the best lawyers i've ever seen in action she's super confident but also friendly and very dynamic she's really good with the jury they haven't even started trying the case yet and she is already winning everyone over it was actually inspiring to watch and basically i'm trying not to stare at this woman for the rest of one year because i don't want to be inappropriate or like throw her off her game but we do lock eyes a couple of times and i'm like bruh if i get dismissed i'm
Can I talk to you by the vending machine or something? Like, what are the rules? Or do I need to go on Hinge and set my radius to one mile from the address of the house your client is evicting this guy from? What's the move here, you know?
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Chapter 4: What is the heartbreaking story of the listener's troubled son and family trauma?
I've evicted shitbags like this guy representing himself over and over again. And they're always a waste of time, money, space and oxygen. Yeah.
One woman was eight and a half months pregnant and she was like, look, I can serve, but I constantly have to pee. So it might be a real inconvenience and hold everyone up. And the judge was like, it's no problem at all. We have a bathroom just through there. But if you go, we have to pause and everybody has to go. Anyway, she was dismissed.
There was a Ukrainian woman who was like, I think it's ridiculous that landlord tenant issues require a jury trial in the first place. Like she was so angry about it. She got dismissed. A couple of people in the jury pool were lawyers, real estate investors. Several of them straight up said it would be next to impossible for them to set aside their pro-landlord bias.
With the exception of those two people I just mentioned who were pro-tenant, it was really fascinating. Almost every single person, even the people who do not own property, were like, the law in California is way too skewed toward the tenants. The tenants' rights are out of control. I thought that was interesting. It's just clearly a post-COVID thing. There was one great moment, though.
The lawyer, you know, my future wife, she's interviewing this young woman in the jury pool. I think she was a tech executive or something. And this young woman was constantly laughing throughout the whole process. And she asks her what she asks every single person on the jury, which is, do you think you could set aside any preconceptions you have and give both sides a fair shake?
And without missing a beat, this woman goes, oh, yeah, totally. I love to make judgments.
It's the opposite. Yeah. Do you think you could give somebody a fair shake? Yeah, I love just looking at somebody and deciding immediately whether or not they've done the thing or not.
It was one of those that's definitely ending up on overheard LA moments. And they approved her and nobody dismissed her. That's really funny. She just walked across the room and she was actually kind of excited. Oh, man. They ended up picking a jury. I was in the extras pool or whatever. So I went home.
So I just sat there for two days listening to everybody's life story and opinions on landlords and tenants for nothing. But I actually enjoyed it. It felt good to do my duty. And also, yeah, just great research on people.
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Chapter 5: How did the son’s false accusations affect the family legally and emotionally?
Oh, man, that's got to be tough. I know what it's like to get a call from school happens occasionally. Jaden used to have his like bitey phase or his I'm going to hit people that I don't like phase, which only lasted a couple of weeks for this to continually happen all through preschool, all through grade. So it's just that feeling would get worse and worse.
And then, of course, you feel like they blame you. And of course, most people do. Oh, you must be a terrible parent, etc. It's just that stress is I'm getting secondhand stress just hearing about this.
By kindergarten, we had him in therapy. We also went to therapy separately to learn how to deal with him. He was diagnosed with ADHD and ODD, oppositional defiant disorder. They tried every type of medication available. Nothing helped. We sent him to different psychologists and psychiatrists. We tried individual, family, and group therapy.
We also paid for private tutors and educational therapists. My son failed every school year because he would not do the work despite having a very high IQ. They kept passing him on anyway. I think they didn't want to deal with him for another year. By 10th grade, I finally gave up on therapy and medications. We had been spending $10,000 or more yearly, which seemed to make no difference.
Oh, man. I'm just wrapping my head around what you've been through. So you did all the things we'd recommend here on the show. I'm so sorry those resources didn't help, that his teachers couldn't or wouldn't help him. It's just beyond challenging and super sad.
The biggest problem was the constant lying. He lied about everything. He lied to cover up misdeeds, but he also lied for no apparent reason. Those were the lies that baffled me the most. The therapist said that lying for no reason was the biggest problem. And I understood why later.
Ooh, that is such an ominous sentence and I'm dreading what's coming.
My son barely graduated high school, but we were thrilled. He joined the military and we breathed a sigh of relief. He had a job, supported himself, and appeared to be doing well. He met a woman in the military, and she got pregnant. I was worried, but I just tried to be supportive. They got married after my grandson was born. My son eventually went AWOL from the military and was kicked out.
After that, he was often unemployed, spending many months at home playing video games all day in his boxers while his wife worked. But my grandson was the most wonderful little boy, and I adored him. He was the light of my life. I couldn't get enough of him. It was so fun being a grandma. I didn't have to be serious. I could play with him and have a fun time. He was so sweet.
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Chapter 6: Should the listener try to reconnect with her grandson after years of estrangement?
Just the sheer brazenness and mendacity of what your son did, how ruthless this all is, how cruel it is, and then to lose your grandson on top of it all. I am just so sorry, my friend. You've... Really been through the ringer here. This is a lot. It's just insane. And the fact that you're even functioning as well as you are right now is a miracle.
First of all, I have to say, I am in awe of you and what you've gone through. That you and your husband went to such lengths to try and help your son from a young age. The therapy, the education, the medication, the love that you stuck with him. That your husband adopted him as his own and never complained when that is a very challenging stepchild to have.
I try to put myself in these situations and if my own kid was like that, you know, it's okay, how do you not love your own kid? But then it's like a stepkid and it's tough. I don't know if I would also be able to do that and not complain and that you managed to take care of your daughter through all that and that you found the help and the resources you needed at every step of this journey.
You went to therapy yourself. You processed these very intense emotions. You found growth and healing and insight. Like I said, you're just functioning this well after all of this trauma and loss and that you can even tell the story coherently. Just remarkable. You sound like a very resilient person, very evolved, and I really commend you for that.
The other thing I want to say is, how do I even put this delicately? F*** your POS son and his wife. What they've done here is just unconscionable, to put it mildly. Look, your son is obviously unwell. I'm guessing his wife is a total piece of work, too.
No sane person does something like this, so I know we're supposed to have compassion for them, and on some level I do, and Gabe's going to tell me I should. They're sick people. They're confused. How's that, Gabe? Is that diplomatic enough? Perfect. Very convincing. This is not easy. All these years of cosplaying as a person with actual feelings is paying off for me. Clearly, yeah.
But anyway, to accuse your own mother of kidnapping you and raping you and molesting her kids and killing her husband and just trying to ruin her life forever so that you can get hands on some money that you are not even entitled to and at the expense of your sibling. It's insane. It really is. It's disgusting. I'm enraged and I've only just found out about this.
Your son is a deeply disturbed individual. It's tragic he was born like this to some degree for reasons, by the way, that are so mysterious. The basic wiring is not his fault. But as an adult, he now has a responsibility to take care of himself, to make decent choices, to take accountability. And it sounds like he just doesn't even care to do that at all.
And if he can't do that, then it's on everyone else in his life to protect themselves from him and his wife and just, I think, stay far away.
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Chapter 7: What legal and safety precautions should the listener consider for her daughter and herself?
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Thank you so much for listening and supporting the show. All of the deals, discount codes, and ways to support the podcast are searchable and clickable on the website at jordanharbinger.com slash deals. Please consider supporting those who support the show. Now back to Feedback Friday. Okay, what fresh hell awaits?
Dear Jordan and Gabe, my 65-year-old neighbor, Dan, is a wonderful man who has helped my family and me many times, even saving our house from flooding during one of the Florida hurricanes. He lives next door in a gated community that isn't opulent, but is very nice and full of decent professional neighbors. Last year, Dan lost his job after 30 years as an engineer with a huge company.
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Chapter 8: Who is the 65-year-old neighbor asking for money and is it a scam?
Reporting this to the governing bodies isn't truly anonymous in such a small workforce, so I fear backlash. Recently, a new job opportunity has come up. It would mean an initial pay cut, but it's a larger organization with hybrid work which would improve my quality of life. But this is a service I've always been passionate about, and I understand the benefits.
So part of me definitely wants to stay and fight. But it's becoming exhausting. Also, my employer paid $15,000 for a course I just completed. I hesitate to leave, although I never signed an agreement to stay or even agreed verbally. At what point do I stop fighting and move on? Do I owe them more time or is it time to put myself first?
Is there anything else I could do to advocate for change or make us be noticed by higher ups? Signed, looking for relief from the powers that be before I flee despite this pricey course fee.
Good question. Look, I know next to nothing about the healthcare industry, but what you're dealing with, it's something professionals deal with in all kinds of organizations, in all fields, all the time. And it's just, it's always a conundrum whether to keep pushing for change or to jump ship. So first of all, I love your passion. I love your commitment. I love your sense of loyalty.
I get the sense that this team is lucky to have you. all of those qualities are great. They also have the potential to hold you back if you're getting strong signals that it's time to leave. And I'll come back to that in a moment. Second, this job sounds objectively challenging, very dysfunctional, under-resourced for sure.
And those are really hard things to deal with long-term, given how important this service seems to be to the hospital, to the patients. It is a shame that they're not giving you guys what you need, slash are taking advantage of how hard you guys work or Or maybe the hospital doesn't even feel you guys are as valuable as you are. I don't know.
It also sounds to me like there's a failure of leadership here. You said your manager is stretched too thin to advocate for change, that they're part-time, which is weird. But if they don't advocate for change, which is primarily their job as the boss... then I don't understand how things are supposed to change. And it sounds like they absolutely need to change.
Things could go downhill quickly in the next few years. If you as a leader are too overwhelmed, you strategize, you prioritize, you delegate to free up time to focus on making sure that this place can actually survive. But maybe your manager just isn't motivated or incentivized to improve things. It's weird that it's a part-time manager of a whole department. So I'm having two reactions here.
One response is, it may very well be time to leave. You've put in a ton of work. You've tried to improve things. You see the writing on the wall. It might absolutely be time to put yourself first. Yes, it's less money, which sucks, but then you get more flexibility, more control, and a better life, which counts for a lot.
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