The Luke and Pete Show
Episodes
Sacrifice the ducks
29 Apr 2024
Contributed by Lukas
What makes a good petrol station? Do you swerve the ducks and risk a pile-up, or drive over them instead? And is flashing a fake penis still flashing?...
Like a Guinness advert with more blood
25 Apr 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Donny learns about the fascinating invention of velcro for babies, Luke calls parents that take their kids to Glastonbury performative, and Pete votes...
Donny D. Dawg Pilot Boy
22 Apr 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Pete insists that Phil Collins and Bob Hoskins are one in the same but Luke's not having any of it. Luke reveals his ultimate goal is to star as Fagin...
A legacy act without a legacy
18 Apr 2024
Contributed by Lukas
This week the lads give a full Coachella review and ultimately conclude that Blur's really not for them. Elsewhere, Luke reminisces on his wild surf-s...
Every bloke is a nerd really
15 Apr 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Would you want to play a plane simulation game in real time and sit in front of a screen for an 8 hour long-haul flight? The lads talk about arcades i...
Tectonic Vasectomy
11 Apr 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Pete’s back from Wrestlemania and brings tales of thermal tights, CVS and fried oysters for breakfast. But Luke asks the most important question of ...
Insanity or incontinence
08 Apr 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Luke revisits more call centre nostalgia and raves about the magic of Teenage Mutant Turtles. Plus Pete finds out that Lukey’s a big ol’ nerd who’...
Just a bit of knockabout fun
04 Apr 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Luke comes in hot with tortoiseshell cat facts and impressive goblin knowledge, claiming the title of Dungeon Master. Elsewhere, Pete stumbles across ...
You’re not my dad!
01 Apr 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Could you tell the difference between New York or South London? Is Donald Trump on a dog hating campaign? And would you mess with an Eastern European ...
Peter, you dirty boy...
28 Mar 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Warning: don't mess with hobgoblins, they'll get you fired - as Donny can attest. Elsewhere, Luke discovers in the war against air-cons, babies will l...
When life gives you banana skins, make cocaine!
25 Mar 2024
Contributed by Lukas
This week, the lads are on the ultimate myth-busting mission, as they try to work out if you can make cocaine out of banana skins and turn non-alcohol...
Romance on the dance floor
21 Mar 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Pete relives his golden days at Oxygen nightclub and gives us the down low on all of his best dance moves. However, Luke investigates the real questio...
An Old Fashioned Letter and a Chocolate Bar
18 Mar 2024
Contributed by Lukas
On today’s show, the lads debate the respectability of different jobs, from podcasting to lead consultants on neonatal wards - fancy entering into b...
Like Nothing Matters
14 Mar 2024
Contributed by Lukas
This week, the guys are talking about ‘the poor aesthetic’. Are the Last Dinner Party right? Are people sick of hearing about the cost of living? ...
Mr Funky Pants
11 Mar 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Today we conclude that if we can shoot rabbits, then we can shoot fascists too as Luke tells us all about the new Nazi documentary he’s seen. But ta...
Professor stinky mouth
07 Mar 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Beware if you’re squeamish! Pete starts today’s episode by telling us about his best pimple popping moment. Grim! However, we do at least learn wh...
Got any grapes?
04 Mar 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Do you think Pete would be a good spy? Today, Luke amazingly explains why he backs Donny for a career in espionage.Elsewhere, Pete shares his fears th...
Bamboo boy
29 Feb 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Have you been wondering how Bryan Johnson's attempt to live forever is going? Well, today Luke and Pete give you an update which unfortunately means m...
Slippery nipples
26 Feb 2024
Contributed by Lukas
In the most Pete Donaldson story ever, today he tells Luke about the time he deliberately drank undiluted cordial. Listen to find out the amazing reas...
A pocket full of shells
22 Feb 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Are pistachios an acceptable breakfast item? Pete Donaldson clearly thought so when he scoffed down a packet in the studio this morning.On a related n...
Antiques Donaldson
19 Feb 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Luke and Pete’s film and TV review club is back! On today’s edition, Pete once again struggles to remember the name of a film he saw at the weeken...
Portsmouth Chainsaw Juggler
15 Feb 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Should Luke and Pete start a travelling magic act? They contemplate the idea on today’s show after Luke admits a magician recently impressed him wit...
Vasectomies “R” Us
12 Feb 2024
Contributed by Lukas
A song that takes over 500 years to finish, a giant fibreglass squid, can you think of anything better for rich people to spend their money on?Elsewhe...
Angel boys
08 Feb 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Pete's found a new Instagram page that he's obsessed with – and Luke wants Pete to take inspiration from it. That may or may not involve buying some...
Vasectomy flowers
05 Feb 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Elon Musk is putting microchips in people’s brains and the anti-vaxxers are okay with it… I wonder why?Today, Luke and Pete discuss that, hear why...
Bigga boy juice
01 Feb 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Have you ever imagined what Pete would be like on Come Dine With Me? Luke and Pete think about that prospect on today's episode. Imagine the house sea...
AI toenails
29 Jan 2024
Contributed by Lukas
What really is the definition of artificial intelligence? Enjoyably, Pete tries to explain that on today's show...On a different but strangely related...
Halfords, probably
25 Jan 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Pete opens up his sexual sound effect catalogue for the world to endure, while Luke revels in being the bad boy of garlic pressing. Just a normal show...
Dusty bacon ball
22 Jan 2024
Contributed by Lukas
If you think you know Pete Donaldson, can you guess what his favourite movie of all time is? He reveals all on today's show.Elsewh...
Can I touch your cheeks?
18 Jan 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Pete's Toyota Century saga rolls on! Today, we find out that things have amazingly got even worse for Donny.Elsewhere, Luke is forced to bring up...
Pete's Power
15 Jan 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Pete's house is the only one in the street at hasn't been affected by power cuts recently so he has been handing out free electricity to his neighbour...
Pete’s Car Club
11 Jan 2024
Contributed by Lukas
The day we never thought would arrive is finally here! The tax man has finally caught up with Pete Donaldson…Today, Pete tells us all about that bef...
Badge of dad
08 Jan 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Luke is trying to buy a safe. His journey into fatherhood is officially complete.Today, he and Pete hear from a listener that found a stash of Gavisco...
Noom year, Noom me
04 Jan 2024
Contributed by Lukas
It’s 2024 and Luke’s on a health kick. Pete doesn’t need a health kick, however, as he’s losing enough weight stressing about how to get acces...
Don’t worry officer, I’m eating a Subway
01 Jan 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Pete has started the year by disappointing himself. Sounds like every other year then…Today, he and Luke try to work out how he can drive his new ca...
The Doughnut Republic
28 Dec 2023
Contributed by Lukas
It’s the period between Christmas and New Year and Luke and Pete have descended into madness. The result? They’re trying to work out what explicit...
You greedy c...
25 Dec 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Merry Christmas from the Luke and Pete Show! Today, we're celebrating the big day by re-reading our most famous Christmas tale and revelling in the fe...
Elf and safety
21 Dec 2023
Contributed by Lukas
"You can't do anything these days", except dress up as a group of priests and sail down your local river in a raft called the "Boat out of Hell".Today...
Ripped divorcees in leather... in your area (workplace)
18 Dec 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Future divorcees Pete and Luke take cringe culture to task, and Pete's got a rather unwelcome update on the imported Japanese car front (it's arriving...
Podsmiths
14 Dec 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Pete’s getting a new car and he’s ordered it from Japan, obviously. The lads track the car's journey across the sea on today’s show.Elsewhere, L...
The Dangerous Donaldsons Act
11 Dec 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Christmas is a time for friends and family. For Luke and Pete, that means spending the evening going to see an indie band together.Today, we hear all ...
The Legend of Bones
07 Dec 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Introducing Pete’s new golfing alter ego, Wentworth Bones. Wentworth Bones’ personality traits are just as unpredictable and chaotic as you might ...
Daddy Cool
04 Dec 2023
Contributed by Lukas
A listener, Martyn, caused quite a stir in the Luke and Pete Show community a few weeks ago by sending a photo of what appeared to be a fridge built i...
An excellent prank
30 Nov 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Pete wants to start a cult. Is anyone surprised by this news?Once Luke has delved into that a bit more on today's show, he then tells Pete a...
Scampi surprise
27 Nov 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Have you ever wondered what happens if you eat scampi fries that are three years out of date? Unfortunately, one of our listeners has found out.Today,...
Too fast not furious
23 Nov 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Luke's been caught speeding. Sounds bad, but we quickly learn that Pete's traffic crimes are much worse.The lads then put on their tinfoil hats and qu...
Where can I park my Jet Ski?
20 Nov 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Pete's trying to work out if he could park a Jet Ski on a double yellow line. Which we can all agree is great news for the Luke and Pete Show communit...
My jaw might jiggle jiggle
16 Nov 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Luke predicts how Pete will die on today’s show. It involves stomach problems and a bottle of Gaviscon, so he’s probably onto something…Elsewher...
The Gaviscon Cartel
13 Nov 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Pete almost got in a fight on his most recent weekend away. To be fair, it serves him right for going somewhere that wasn’t an indie bar.The lads th...
De-centralized retinas
09 Nov 2023
Contributed by Lukas
We start today’s show by talking about Jet Skis but before long we’re talking about the impending death of civilisation in the Western world. Welc...
The scooter of the sea
06 Nov 2023
Contributed by Lukas
How does Pete not already own a Jet Ski? Luke encourages him to put that right on today's show.Plus, a listener shares some extremely worrying news fo...
World Class Basics
02 Nov 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Pete “skipped through” the UFO documentary that Luke recommended. That’s pretty good going for Donny, to be fair.Today, the lads discuss that an...
I’m too fat
30 Oct 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Pete was forced to drive a stranger's car over the weekend. I really don’t think the owner of the car knew what they were getting themselves in for....
Bananageddon
26 Oct 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Would you remove your own gallbladder to be able to eat black pudding? That’s the dilemma that Pete is faced with on today’s show.On top of that, ...
I am not a Berliner
23 Oct 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Luke needed a bigger boy to fix his computer and, amazingly, he asked Pete. Donny did spend the weekend taking his scooter apart, to be fair.Today, we...
Give it a sniff
19 Oct 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Luke and Pete start today’s episode by giving out food safety advice. WARNING: Do not take food safety advice from Luke and Pete. You’ve heard abo...
Would you like a lamb bone?
16 Oct 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Pete’s not into conspiracy theories but on today’s show he does admit that he thinks politicians are lizards. Seems reasonable.Luke questions why ...
What does the dog say?
12 Oct 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Hulk Hogan content is back on the show. The man might have been able to wrestle for 400 days in one year, but he doesn’t know what noise a dog makes...
Niam Leeson
09 Oct 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Luke and Pete are genuinely impressed by that massive sphere in Las Vegas. It's just a shame that U2 are involved.Today, the lads discuss that and giv...
Unidentified flying Donaldson
05 Oct 2023
Contributed by Lukas
The first five minutes of today’s show are spent talking about Luke’s idyllic trip to Newcastle. Then the lads start talking about conspiracy theo...
Low hanging asteroids
02 Oct 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Science doesn't get the respect it deserves, apparently. Luke starts the show by telling us about the James Webb Telescope. Pete is suspicious that Lu...
Pete talk
28 Sep 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Remember that time capsule that was just filled with silt? Well, they have now found something else in there. Convenient...There has been another inte...
I'm gonna live forever
25 Sep 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Would you want to live forever? Today, Luke and Pete discuss the tech billionaire who is trying to do just that.In contrast, Luke then suggests he cou...
A message in the silt
21 Sep 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Pete leaves the country for two weeks and all the schools, hospitals and gyms are now falling down. Who knew that Donny was the man keeping this count...
Jurassic Clerk
18 Sep 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Pete’s back from Japan! The highlights of the trip involved checking into a hotel where a dinosaur was working on reception and committing a cultura...
I would lie to you
14 Sep 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Did you know that Hulk Hogan could have been in Metallica? Did you know Hulk Hogan wrestled 400 days in one year? Did you know that Elvis was a Hulkam...
Petey Fake Legs
11 Sep 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Pete’s bought a pair of fake silicon legs! Confused? We were too. Find out why on today’s show.Once we’ve heard about that we go on a hunt to fi...
Turned water into White Claw
07 Sep 2023
Contributed by Lukas
What would Jesus be like at a party? That’s the debate that Luke and Pete start today’s show with.Elsewhere, Luke has been reading about what it’...
It makes you think
04 Sep 2023
Contributed by Lukas
What makes someone believe in a conspiracy theory? Luke and Pete try to get to the bottom of that increasingly important question on today’s show.We...
Oh, Mark Ruffalo
31 Aug 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Pete reveals that he’s met the man who voiced Mario on today’s show. Should we be surprised by this news?We also hear all about the first time tha...
Are you impressed?
28 Aug 2023
Contributed by Lukas
The joke of this year's Edinburgh Fringe has been revealed and - unsurprisingly - Luke and Pete are not impressed.In a classic Luke and Pete pivot we ...
Do you believe in ghosts?
24 Aug 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Pete recently went on a ghost hunt. Although it sounds like he spent more time playing with tech than he did hunting ghosts, as you’d expect.In yet ...
The cult of Lochvinder
21 Aug 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Pete's booked a load of surprise excursions in Japan for the partner he has access to. I think we all know how that’s going to end... We a...
The birthday paradox
17 Aug 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Lad Moore takes us on a trip down memory lane as he regales Pete with stories all about his experience living with 30 other c...
Talk Moore
14 Aug 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Pete’s finally going back to Japan for the first time in 3 and a half years. Now we know why he hasn’t paid his tax bill…As well as hearing all ...
Don’t put silver balls in your ears
10 Aug 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Luke and Pete both share a house with people and pets that don't respect them. Today, in hearing all about that Pete ends up doing an impression of hi...
Mute-iny on the Bounty
07 Aug 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Moore's completely enamoured with a man who's making claims under oath that he's seen an alien in his toilet, or something like that. Want to ge...
Tax does have to be taxing
03 Aug 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Luke puts his money where his mouth is regarding an impending pool competition and Pete puts his money as far away from the taxman as humanly possible...
Luke vs Karen
31 Jul 2023
Contributed by Lukas
An unnamed “clever, handsome” man who may or may not be Luke has started a war with one of his neighbours that is illegally trying to save a parki...
It’s timer to Heimer
27 Jul 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Pete’s been to see Oppenheimer. And he's worked out how to improve the movie by creating a catchy catchphrase for J. Robert Oppenheimer!Luke hasn’...
One hundred and Petey
24 Jul 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Who do you think would win in a game of darts, Luke or Pete? How about pool? Luke lays down a pub games-themed gauntlet on today's show.The lads then ...
Only Beef Cream and Pizzas
20 Jul 2023
Contributed by Lukas
In an unbelievable turn of events, Pete recently went on an Only Fools and Horses-themed pilgrimage! He even bought some merch!!In an even more unbeli...
Would you like to shoot my gun?
17 Jul 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Indie Pete has deserted his former life of gigs and Indie Sleeze nights to go and watch some AI-inspired stand-up comedy. Still quite on-brand for Pet...
Maggot Surprise
13 Jul 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Pete started the day by clearing maggots out of his bin while his dog tried to hump his leg. We wish this was an exaggeration...In other news, Pete se...
American air base pirate
10 Jul 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Pete’s got back into gaming. Sounds exciting, right? What it really involves is simulating a flight from Luton to Southend. Obviously…We then have...
Alpha, Beta, Cocker
06 Jul 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Pete’s been to see Pulp live recently and Luke is predictably displeased by his co-host's behaviour. It’s not stopping Pete from going to see them...
The kids are alright?
03 Jul 2023
Contributed by Lukas
News has reached us that KSI and Logan Paul have had bottles of Prime thrown at them. Is our protest finally working?On a related note, Pete takes tim...
Why’d you only call me from your Jag?
29 Jun 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Glastonbury has been and gone and Luke and Pete can’t agree on whether the Arctic Monkeys should be doing an impression of a Las Vegas crooner band....
Catspiracy
26 Jun 2023
Contributed by Lukas
We still haven’t given up on the attempt to create our own conspiracy theory. Today, Luke reveals he’s been studying old conspiracies for inspirat...
Conspiracy People
22 Jun 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Pete’s decided that he wants to start his own conspiracy theory. So, Luke helps him brainstorm ideas on today’s show.In an unlinked conversation, ...
Eight Cups a Week
19 Jun 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Pete would look great in a leotard and a bald cap, don't you think? It could happen, find out how on today's show!!Elsewhere, Luke gets stuck down a r...
Luke the Big Red Dad
15 Jun 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Luke’s back!! Pete's decided that guests are too much admin, so he’s welcomed Luke back onto the pod.Today, we hear all about what Luke’s been u...
A lot of rich holiday food
12 Jun 2023
Contributed by Lukas
You wanted another awful slice of Donaldson domesticity, and we've once again managed to talk round the one person who can give us a peek into what it...
Just sexy enough for Haribo
08 Jun 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Today Pete is joined by quite the guest. Not only does he appear in Stath Lets Flats and a Haribo advert where he plays a policeman with a child’s v...
Dungeons & Darkfruits
05 Jun 2023
Contributed by Lukas
On today's guest episode, Pete is joined by Jordan Middler, the host of the excellent Stak show, VGC: A video game podcast. Pete tells Jordan all abou...
Where's that cheese going?
01 Jun 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Pete's back for another special guest episode!! This time, he’s joined by Anthony Richardson, one half of the sports comedy duo Exploding ...
The partner I "sometimes" have access to
29 May 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Today, we've got a very special episode for you! Pete is joined by the partner he has access to, and she is answering your questions, giving us specia...
I can get that for you
25 May 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Breaking news!! Pete’s started drinking herbal tea. Today, Luke interrogates Donny about this new development in his life.Elsewhere, we hear about P...
Don’t drink your dad’s Prime
22 May 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Remember Geordie Racer? It’s literally a programme about racing pigeons that ran for two months on BBC2. TV was mad in the 80s.Pete tells us about t...
The Hitchhiker's Guide to Petey D
18 May 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Pete bought a new car and he’s too embarrassed to admit what brand it is. Given that his old car was a Fiat 500 you can only imagine what he’s bou...