The Luke and Pete Show

How big is your neck?

15 May 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Who's got a bigger neck: Luke or Mike Tyson? That’s the unexpected debate that starts today’s show.Once we get to the bottom of that, we have an e...

Petey whisky

11 May 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Pete’s got a three day hangover! Is this what happens after you turn 42? It turns out that Luke was indirectly responsible for Pete’s overindulgen...

The boy in the box

08 May 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Luke’s forced to face up to his past on today’s episode as he tells Pete all about a very memorable encounter he had with a mysterious character a...

One Benny Hill to rule them all

04 May 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Did you know that Benny Hill gets a mention in The Lord of the Rings movies? It’s not in the way you might think, however.Luke tells Pete all about ...

Dungeon Master Donny

01 May 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Pete has revealed that he got banned from playing Dungeons & Dragons when he was younger for being “too whimsical”. That’s next level Diggor...

The Dirty Dentist

27 Apr 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Pete’s teeth still hurt two weeks after he got his first filling. He’s since found out that the person he saw is nicknamed “The Dirty Dentist”...

Make your Monday one to remember

24 Apr 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Erotic fiction. That’s how Pete decides to start today’s episode. Amazingly, things only get more explicit from there.We then accidentally create ...

T*tting about with my toilet

20 Apr 2023

Contributed by Lukas

We told you previously that Pete has been wearing a heart monitor. Well, you’ll never guess what the solution was to his cardiac problems...And, in ...

I’m Donald Trump and I drink Prime

17 Apr 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Tiktok’s trash. That’s the news that Luke has been reading recently. However, Pete’s algorithm quickly proves otherwise.We then addres...

Big lovely dinosaur lips

13 Apr 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Our “do you see chocolate in the street” debate reaches its conclusion on today’s show. No spoilers, but it doesn’t end well for Peter Donalds...

Paved with chocolate

10 Apr 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Easter has been and gone which means only one thing: the streets are now covered in chocolate. According to Pete anyway…Elsewhere, we hear all about...

Elbow Drop It Like It’s Hot

06 Apr 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Pete has just returned from his trip to America and the first thing he’s doing is recording an episode with his old pal, Luke.He tells us all about ...

Don’t look in my wash bag

03 Apr 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Pete’s knocking on the door of 42 and he’s finally had his first filling. Luke doesn’t help the situation by warning Pete that he now isn’t al...

Heil Peter

30 Mar 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Last week we commented on the fact that Pete is starting to look more and more like a certain fascist dictator. Well, unfortunately, his new haircut h...

You’re fired

27 Mar 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Has anyone watched The Apprentice recently? No? Good. Unfortunately, Luke has and he doesn’t hold back when giving his thoughts on today’s show.Af...

Call the bigger boys

23 Mar 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Pete had to delay recording this episode because he had a bigger boy in his house. You have to feel for the bigger boy having to deal with Donaldson’...

Should we apologise to MrBeast?

20 Mar 2023

Contributed by Lukas

The partner Pete has access to has been DJing at an indie club. Of course, Donny couldn’t resist turning up and clearing the dancefloor. Although th...

You’ll never take me alive

16 Mar 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Pete’s finally visited the house Luke has access to but he DID NOT bring his slippers with him.Do our listeners agree with Luke’s "life hack" that...

Whatever you say, MasterBeast

13 Mar 2023

Contributed by Lukas

We've taken down Prime and now we're going after another YouTuber’s confectionery. MrBeast, we're coming for you...From YouTube to Hollywood, a list...

Get off my copper

09 Mar 2023

Contributed by Lukas

"Two games of pool and an argument." That's how Pete recently celebrated his dad's birthday! Would you expect anything else?However, he has at least r...

The dog review

06 Mar 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Pete’s got a brand-new pup! On today’s episode, he “reviews” his new furry companion much to the astonishment of Luke. Elsewhere, we hear...

Lovestruck Romeo

02 Mar 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Pete's a renaissance man. Or is he a Tudor? Who bloody cares?! Either way, he tells us all about his most recent role-playing exploits on today's...

I drink Prime

27 Feb 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Pete’s 41, wearing a heart monitor, had a recent near-death experience in the ocean... and he’s drinking a bottle of Prime!If Prime isn't uncool n...

Roman sex toys

23 Feb 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Archaeologists have dug up a 2,000-year-old Roman sex toy - those naughty Romans! On today’s episode, we have a plausible theory about who it belong...

Willy Wonka’s tinfoil hat

20 Feb 2023

Contributed by Lukas

The streets are paved with chocolate! Didn’t you know? That's what Pete thinks anyway. Listen in to see how he tries to explain this one...Elsewhere...

‘Diggory’ Mills, the snake-catcher

16 Feb 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Luke has discovered the 19th-century version of Pete Donaldson. You’ll never guess his profession…Pete then airs his dirty laundry with Luke follo...

Read-ing festival

13 Feb 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Pete’s been on Facebook Marketplace again… What he’s found is predictably strange and, of course, unnecessarily explicit.Once we’ve recovered ...

A new player has left the game

09 Feb 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Today’s episode sees the boys confronted with the disturbing fact that sloths used to be over six feet tall.And if that isn’t enough to ...

Save me, Abraham!

06 Feb 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Pete’s been on holiday. Unfortunately, he didn’t see another pear but he did come face to face with the prospect of death. Yes, really. ...

Who burnt toast?

02 Feb 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Luke starts the show with the sad news that his toaster has finally broken after nine years of service.Amazingly, this foreshadows what turns out to b...

School of Boss

30 Jan 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Luke's redecorating his house. Should he make wallpaper out of screenshots of his best tweets? The answer is obviously yes.Elsewhere, Pete reveals he'...

Don’t blame the atomic wedgie

26 Jan 2023

Contributed by Lukas

What do you eat at the cinema? Popcorn? Nachos? Maybe a hot dog? Well, if you’re Pete Donaldson you eat a fish sandwich… of course!As well as disc...

Can we please have our money back?

23 Jan 2023

Contributed by Lukas

In some classically poor Luke and Pete Show admin, Luke has a gift for Pete on today's show that he was due to give him 2 months ago.In similarly poor...

Fishmongers were better in the 90s

19 Jan 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Do you remember when everyone knew each other’s blood type and bin men collected your rubbish every day? Life was better in the 90s!Elsewhere on tod...

King Herald of Hammertime

16 Jan 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Pete’s New Year’s resolution no. 387: Get into running. Today, we hear all about how he is approaching the task with a predictable amount of chaot...

Chewie and the floater

12 Jan 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Pete’s New Year’s resolutions keep coming! His latest one requires him to spend a predictable amount of time on his own in a dark room…Elsewhere...

Dads of the world unite

09 Jan 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Pete's made his new years resolution - just a week late - and it turns out that KSI and Logan Paul are now quaking in their boots...Elsewhere, Pete gi...

What’s a walrus doing in that bin?

05 Jan 2023

Contributed by Lukas

A walrus ended Scarborough’s New year celebrations in a shockingly explicit way. Not a good omen for the year ahead.To start 2023 off on a better no...

The bum squad

02 Jan 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Happy new year! Luke and Pete kick off 2023 with a tight eight minutes on rug doctors, obviously…And just as we think this year can’t get any bett...

The Fiat 3 Trillion

29 Dec 2022

Contributed by Lukas

Pete's fed up of Luke's quaint highlights of the year, so today, the gloves are off as we complete our review of 2022.Elsewhere, Pete declares that hi...

Another year in the simulation

26 Dec 2022

Contributed by Lukas

Will Smith slapping Chris Rock, the roof of the O2 ripping off and erm, Liz Truss… These are just a few of the mental things that have happened this...

A pair of festive rats - Christmas special pt.2

22 Dec 2022

Contributed by Lukas

Today’s a great day for rats, as listener Louise delivers some good news on whether Pete should buy his mum one for Christmas.Elsewhere, we read you...

Beware of the Yule Lads - Christmas special pt.1

19 Dec 2022

Contributed by Lukas

Christmas is just around the corner. As the preparations ramp up make sure you DO NOT drink that two-litre bottle of Fanta that has been bought for Ch...

Project spooky boy

15 Dec 2022

Contributed by Lukas

Feeling the cold this winter but also worried about the cost of living? Buy yourself an aga... apparently.Elsewhere, we plan our move into meme consul...

The boat that flopped

12 Dec 2022

Contributed by Lukas

We’ve all been there: 18 years old and looking for a place to cause mischief, what do you do? Buy a boat, apparently…Luke tells us a brilliant tal...

The ghost of rodents past

08 Dec 2022

Contributed by Lukas

In the least surprising news ever, Pete is feeling unwell on today’s show. Whether it’s because he and Luke went out last night or because he...

Bonus episode: The Interruption

07 Dec 2022

Contributed by Lukas

What a treat! Luke is here, on a Wednesday, with a special bonus episode. Today, we’ve put Pete stories of DIY mishaps and erections while playing v...

Never make your own stair gate

05 Dec 2022

Contributed by Lukas

Let’s admit it, other people’s kids are incredibly annoying. It's a controversial opinion that we eagerly support on today’s edition of the Luke...

No Sleep 'til Hammersmith

01 Dec 2022

Contributed by Lukas

Luke’s flown in overnight from the States to record some Luke and Pete Show. It might sound showbiz, but the flight was unfortunately ruined by an u...

How to become a cowboy

28 Nov 2022

Contributed by Lukas

What comes first, the problem or the Donaldson? Pete has been complaining that his house constantly needs work at the moment. Do we believe that it is...

Thankful for dogs

24 Nov 2022

Contributed by Lukas

Happy Thanksgiving! To celebrate the occasion Pete offers up a rare moment of poignancy as we give thanks to our pets at the start of today's sho...

Just put some tabasco on it

21 Nov 2022

Contributed by Lukas

Pete bravely offers some cooking advice on today’s episode. Listen to him at your peril…He's also been displaying some “interesting” behaviour...

I miss my mum

17 Nov 2022

Contributed by Lukas

Pete places us right in the middle of the True Geordie vs Andrew Tate beef on today’s episode. Would you expect anything else?We also discuss the bi...

Democracy vs Banter

14 Nov 2022

Contributed by Lukas

What is more important? The future of liberal democracy or the banter? That is the question you have to ask yourself when you see Young Boozer on the ...

People still don’t like you, Elon

10 Nov 2022

Contributed by Lukas

What do you do if you’re desperate for people to like you? Well, if you’re Elon Musk, you buy Twitter.On today’s show, Luke and Pete discuss wha...

What's Bono doing?

07 Nov 2022

Contributed by Lukas

Do you ever just stop and think, what's Bono doing? We ponder that strange question on today's show. We also discuss whether you could invent a glory ...

Did you order some gateway crimes?

03 Nov 2022

Contributed by Lukas

Guy Fawkes night is around the corner so Luke and Pete are getting in the spirit by planning petty crimes. It's all fun and games until Luke potential...

Welcome to Spook Fest 2022

31 Oct 2022

Contributed by Lukas

What’s the best way to celebrate Halloween? Eat loads of American Candy, of course. Because that is definitely going to help Pete’s stomach proble...

Mr Karaoke Hostess Bar

27 Oct 2022

Contributed by Lukas

We’ve got a new Prime Minister, for the next couple of months at least. I'm sure he'll be respected and won’t be labelled a **** on the BBC, right...

The battery daddies

24 Oct 2022

Contributed by Lukas

Blink 182 are back, baby! But do the pop-punk icons know more about pop-punk than Petey-pie Donaldson? He once listened to a Propagandhi album after a...

Can you sneeze on demand?

20 Oct 2022

Contributed by Lukas

Luke loses the plot on today’s show as amazingly Pete manages to make himself sneeze on demand.  Elsewhere, we once again stick two feet i...

Damn butterfly effect

17 Oct 2022

Contributed by Lukas

Today’s the day! Luke and Pete are back with a big announcement… *drumroll please*... legs are coming to the Metaverse!Join us in celebrating that...

Justice for Cocaine Bear

13 Oct 2022

Contributed by Lukas

Pete’s back from driving a bigger boy’s car down the west coast of America! He only almost rolled it once, so it went pretty well overall.Elsewher...

Return of the Cliff Richard

10 Oct 2022

Contributed by Lukas

Luke starts the show by expressing his displeasure for comedy as a genre. He better not read the description of this podcast… Once we have gott...

Wait, does FIFA make batteries?

06 Oct 2022

Contributed by Lukas

What other podcast could go from dissecting the Prime Minister’s shambolic media relations to uncovering some of the world’s rarest battery brands...

Cat Race

03 Oct 2022

Contributed by Lukas

Is there anyone that doesn’t find classic ventriloquism terrifying? That is the question we are faced with on today’s show. Elsewhere, we hea...

Splitting the bulbospongiosus muscle

29 Sep 2022

Contributed by Lukas

Warning! This episode contains more penis chat. We are sorry but ALOT of you did ask for it. If that’s too much then don’t worry, we bring th...

Neil down in respect

26 Sep 2022

Contributed by Lukas

Previously on The Luke and Pete Show... Pete revealed he was planning a great road trip from New York to Philadelphia. How did he get on? Listen to to...

It’s always Petey in Philadelphia

22 Sep 2022

Contributed by Lukas

The lads are still stateside and Luke is helping Pete plan a road trip…. Oh dear, good luck to all American drivers.In the second half, we then brin...

Concrete jungle where golden rabbits are made of

19 Sep 2022

Contributed by Lukas

We are bringing you this episode directly from Pete’s hotel room in New York. This obviously means the lads are recording surrounded by empty bottle...

Climbing out of your toilet in a diving helmet

15 Sep 2022

Contributed by Lukas

This time around on The Luke and Pete Show, Donny considers attacking one of his neighbours in a frightening, yet also confusing, way and both men con...

The Desalination of Edwina Currie

12 Sep 2022

Contributed by Lukas

Desalination - why don't we do more of it? Maybe we do, and Luke and Pete are just unaware of it. Maybe let us know, if you're a water expert. On toda...

Your Friendly Neighbourhood Waistcoat

08 Sep 2022

Contributed by Lukas

Hi everyone, and welcome to a brand new episode of The Luke and Pete Show! Pete has turned up wearing a leather waistcoat with nothing underneath, is ...

The humble blacksmith

05 Sep 2022

Contributed by Lukas

We’ve sent Pete into the world of Game of Thrones and it turns out his origin story is pretty epic. We present to you: Donny, the finest blacksmith ...

Have you seen my moles?

01 Sep 2022

Contributed by Lukas

It’s bank holiday erm... Thursday??? And Pete is having a naughty ol’ time breaking all office (and societal) rules he can. How else should you sp...

Superjaunty black hole

29 Aug 2022

Contributed by Lukas

Pete’s been on the internet again and he has found a quite bizarre video that emerged from the world of baseball…Elsewhere, we listen to the sound...

See you next Tuesday

25 Aug 2022

Contributed by Lukas

Pete took his partner to Spain for her birthday and she was absolutely delighted when he took her to a British pub to watch the Newcastle match - how ...

Bitter Sweet Batteries

22 Aug 2022

Contributed by Lukas

The people have spoken! Today we're finally discussing the result of our poll, where we asked you lot who's more likely to die first: Luke or Pete. Sh...

Pete from Glasto

18 Aug 2022

Contributed by Lukas

Pete went to a “fake festival” and surprisingly it actually sounds quite good. Although Pete’s outfit raises a number of alarming questions…Sp...

Holloway Road Taco Bells I admire

15 Aug 2022

Contributed by Lukas

Pete needs to buy a birthday present for the partner he has access to. To the car boot sale he goes...Elsewhere we discuss nighttime toilet etiquette,...

How many new players?

11 Aug 2022

Contributed by Lukas

Pete’s doing the show from his parent’s house, yet it’s actually Luke that spends the first half of the show uncovering all his childhood trauma...

Pete Logie Baird

08 Aug 2022

Contributed by Lukas

Pete's been fiddling with the tech in his apology cabin and - believe it or not - it's actually gone well! Just don't ask about his first attempt tryi...

How pickled are your onions?

04 Aug 2022

Contributed by Lukas

Luke’s weekend was RUINED by under-pickled pink pickled onions. Naturally, he didn’t make a big deal out of it on today’s show or anything…Onc...

YouTube shredded beef

01 Aug 2022

Contributed by Lukas

Pete went rogue and almost started beef with a film director on YouTube. Surprisingly the man was into it and a potential friendship is now on the car...

Fingers Against the Machine

28 Jul 2022

Contributed by Lukas

It's been a brilliant week for The Luke and Pete Show: Stak won two awards at the British Podcast Awards, the wife Luke has access to graduated from t...

An “Oops!... I Did It Again” moment… (emails special)

25 Jul 2022

Contributed by Lukas

We promised you an emails special but we spent the first part of today’s show talking about batteries. What else did you expect? We do eventual...

Ronald Reagan’s sexy sweat pants

21 Jul 2022

Contributed by Lukas

In case you haven’t noticed, it’s been a bit hot! That didn’t stop a naked Donaldson sharing a bed with another naked male though… Elsewh...

I think Bryan Ferry might have lived here for a bit

18 Jul 2022

Contributed by Lukas

Luke goes stomping around London like a massive red music nerd, and Pete's found a prison phone in his apology cabin. [email protected] for al...

I was actually talking about mountain biking the other day

14 Jul 2022

Contributed by Lukas

Pete returns from Cornwall, covered in paint and reeking of adhesive. What could have occurred? Have a listen and find out...Scores are settled regard...

Captain Podcastin'

11 Jul 2022

Contributed by Lukas

After an extensive stroll, Luke decides to wear a sailor's hat to the show record, while Pete's opted for a cracking diving helmet. Just the thing to ...

Duracell vs Eveready

07 Jul 2022

Contributed by Lukas

Have you ever thought about doing a flying elbow onto a printer? We haven’t, but naturally there is someone on the internet who has… Elsewher...

My dog ate my magic

04 Jul 2022

Contributed by Lukas

Someone made the mistake of giving Pete the responsibility of working on a rum bar. It went just as well as you can imagine…We also hear whether Pet...

Apple cider win-egar

30 Jun 2022

Contributed by Lukas

We're throwing down the necromantic gauntlet as Pete threatens to buy tax-deductible magic tricks off the internet, all the while stinking of apple ci...

Welcome to the Peteriarchy!

27 Jun 2022

Contributed by Lukas

Lukey's bathroom is finally finished so he can look at his mangled forty-two year old body in a heated mirror. That's progress! Oh yeah, and Pete is t...

Just a dad, down the pub, doing a Wordle

23 Jun 2022

Contributed by Lukas

Can you believe that pubs used to close, for a few hours, in the middle of the afternoon? How would the kids (and dads) of today cope…Speaking of da...

Another million lost

20 Jun 2022

Contributed by Lukas

What do the people who go on Love Island and Question Time have in common? That is the question Pete is answering on today’s show and the fact he do...

Hold on to your hands

16 Jun 2022

Contributed by Lukas

Pete started watching Stanger Things from series 4. A classic renegade move from Donaldson.Today, we hear what it is like to play life-sized Monopoly ...

Metallica nativity

13 Jun 2022

Contributed by Lukas

Why is everyone in Essex good at football? That was the difficult lesson Pete learned when trying to save penalties while dressed as the Queen…Elsew...

Saturday scallop fever

09 Jun 2022

Contributed by Lukas

Are you ready for the ultimate Luke and Pete Show pivot?On today’s show, we go from dissecting the deepest darkest issues of UK politics to hearing ...

Welcome to Luton

06 Jun 2022

Contributed by Lukas

Planes are the order of the day on today’s show! We’re discussing two aviation-themed Youtube pranks that ended up with… well, pretty different ...