Matt Walsh Reviews The Worst TikToks of 2024
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So there seems to have been, at least according to my producers who send me this stuff because they like to see me suffer, a proliferation on TikTok in recent weeks of viral challenges that women draft their unwitting husbands and boyfriends into. The challenges are really tests. And every week someone on TikTok comes up with a new way for women to test the men in their lives. And if the men fail the test, They're bad, I guess, and if they pass the test, then they're good, at least until the next test comes along. The problem with these tests is that they are tests in the first place, as we'll discuss. The other problem is that they're invented by women for men with a lot of womanly assumptions about what they mean and what a man's failure or success signifies.
It's very clear that no man was consulted in the devising of these tests, which is a much better than women do, or at least better than women on TikTok do. So let's go through these one by one. First, we'll go back a few weeks to something called the Bird Test. And here's how the Bird Test works.
The Bird Test theory is basically a predictor for whether or not your relationship is going to succeed. And it kind of goes like this. let's say that you and your partner are sitting at a coffee shop and you see a bird outside and you mention it to them there's a couple different ways that your partner can respond your partner could be like oh that's a really cool bird and engage with you and take interest in what you just said or your partner can dismiss it all together and be like okay it's a bird what about it basically the Gottman Institute which is this really big psychology institute for relationships calls that a bid and the idea is if your partner takes interest in the mundane little small things that you talk about the relationship is just more likely to succeed because your partner has genuine interest in whatever you say regardless of whether that thing is a small thing or not on the flip side if your partner kind of keeps ignoring your bids that's kind of a sign that
The relationship is going to fail because whether small or big, your partner is not giving attention to the things that you personally care about just for the sole reason that you care about it.
Now, this is the kind of thing that makes sense if you've never been in a relationship that lasted more than three months. If you are incredibly naive and inexperienced and you get your relationship insights from TikTok, you might have the expectation that your partner will be, quote, genuinely interested in whatever you say. But in the real world, which is populated by actual human beings, nobody on Earth will ever be genuinely interested in everything you say. And they shouldn't be. You're not that interesting. Nobody has ever been that interesting. I don't care if you're married to Socrates. You're not going to be hanging on his every last word all day, every day, forever. Now, I find my wife very interesting and intelligent. But if she came into the room and said, I just saw a bird. I would not be especially interested in that information. I just wouldn't be. My only interest would be in the fact that my wife has apparently suffered some sort of brain damage. Otherwise, why would an adult be screaming about a bird? Bird, bird, lookie at the birdie.
Like, what are you, two years old? Now, if you saw, say, a bald eagle swoop down and catch a baby deer with its talons and fly away or something like that, then that would be the kind of headline that would interest me. So there needs to be something spectacular about the bird to garner my interest. If you saw an ostrich ride by on a scooter, that would be a bird-related announcement that I would like to hear. Otherwise, what do you want me to say about a regular bird? Like, how do you want me to react? She said that, you know, you have to engage about the bird. What do you mean engage? Say what? Oh, really? You saw a bird? Cool. Was it, did it, did it have wings?
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