Meghan Markle, Ryan Reynolds, Oprah and Others Compete with Fellow Offenders at The Nerve Awards!
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What are the Nerve Awards and who are the nominees?
Hello and welcome to the 2025 inaugural Nerve Awards. I am your host, Maureen Callahan. I'm here with my co-host, Teddy Van Halen. And now is the long-awaited time to give proper recognition to all those recidivists who really have it coming. In fact, we've actually furloughed some of our top repeat offenders to join us here on set, even if just... in effigy we've got bill maher who really really made it clear how much he hates red lingerie we've got violet affleck from her masked up appearance at the un and we've got greta thunberg with her bangs marlena got greta's bangs we've also got uh megan markle's psycho vision board which allegedly existed long before she ever met harry and we have our stedman graham
crime board it's our homeland board of his last known whereabouts and our prime suspects in his disappearance and we have an update here because this has gone from a search and rescue mission to a search and recovery mission we all know what that means and we're going to uh we're going to have a we're going to go live with what we understand is a secret mission that may or may not involve the United States military to recover Stedman's remains. Now, of course, it would not be the Nerve Awards without other categories that no other award show would ever dream of conceiving, let alone doling out. So are you ready? Teddy, are you ready? Are you ready? Let's go. Do you second guess the nutrition, taste, and sustainability of the seafood that you bring home?
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Meghan Markle for torching what was left of her reputation this year, and Jeremy Irons for this contribution to the culture.
Could a father not marry his son? Well, there are laws against incest. It's not incest between men. Incest is there to protect us from having in breeding. But men don't breed, so incest wouldn't cover them. Now, if that was so, then if I wanted to pass on my estate without death duties, I could marry my son and pass on my estate to him.
I got to give it to Jeremy Irons. Again, he did not just defend incest between fathers and sons, but he mentioned that there are some great tax breaks involved. Now, our winner for arsonist... I'm sorry, Teddy. Don't be afraid. These people are getting nowhere near you. Arsonist career or otherwise is... Ryan Reynolds. Ryan Reynolds, who actually burned an entire elementary school down to the ground and got away with it for years. Congratulations, Ryan. Now, our next category, Homicidal Celebrity Maniac of the Year. And trust me when I tell you, this one is packed. It is packed.
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