The Mel Robbins Podcast
5 Signs of an Incompatible Relationship & 3 Signs You’ve Found “The One”
Mon, 2 Dec 2024
In this episode, you will learn the requirements of a good relationship – and the signs your relationship may not go the distance.If you’re wondering if someone is “the one” and you’re not sure if you should end things, you’ll get the answer today.And if you’re struggling through a rough patch in your relationship and want tools and tips on how to make it better, Mel is sharing that as well.Today, you’re getting the skills you need for any healthy romantic relationship.Whether you’re in the early stages of dating, committed for years, or simply curious about your compatibility, this episode will give you the tools to navigate love with confidence.Get a copy of Mel’s new book, The Let Them Theory, which she mentions in this episode.For more resources, including links to the studies mentioned in the episode, click here for the podcast episode page.If you liked this episode, and want to hear a very candid conversation with Mel and her husband Chris about their 28 year marriage, listen to this episode next: How To Create Better Relationships: 6 Surprising Lessons From 28 Years Of MarriageConnect with Mel: Watch the episodes on YouTubeFollow Mel on Instagram The Mel Robbins Podcast InstagramMel's TikTok Sign up for Mel’s personal letter Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ on Apple Podcasts to listen to ad-free new episodes Disclaimer
Chapter 1: What are the signs of an incompatible relationship?
Hey, it's your friend Mel, and welcome to the Mel Robbins Podcast. You and I are going to tackle one of the most agonizing questions that every single human being on this planet grapples with at some point. You might be grappling with this right now. What is the question? It's am I with the right person? is this the right relationship for me or is there someone else that's better out there?
Well, today, here's what we're going to do. I have dug into the research on relationships. I have also looked at my 30-year marriage. I've looked at the toxic dating patterns that I was engaged in before I met my husband. And I have three mistakes that I'm going to reveal to you today.
These are three mistakes that people make that either have them stay with the wrong person or end it with the right person. And then I'm going to teach you this relationship assessment tool. It's called the ABC loop.
And by the time you and I are done with our conversation today, you're either going to have the courage and the conviction to finally end something that you know in your gut is wrong for you, or you're going to realize, holy cow, I am with the right person. And now I know what I need to do to move forward and make it even better.
One of the most important relationships in your life is the one that you have with your partner. I guarantee you there is so much more excitement waiting for you both. And I have something very simple and surprising that I want to share with you thanks to Celebrity Cruises because they've sponsored this awesome and amazing bonus segment at the end of the episode.
So listen all the way to the end and I'll see you there. You can learn more at CelebrityCruises.com. Visit Celebrity.com for details. Ships registry Malta and Ecuador. Hey, it's your friend Mel. I am so thrilled that you tuned in today. I'm just unbelievably fired up for our conversation because I have so much to share with you.
And in fact, the topic that we're going to dig into, which is this question, that we all grapple with at some point in our relationships. And I don't care if you've just been on a first date, if you're single, if you've been married for 28 years like I have, at some point, you're going to have this agonizing question, am I with the right person? This is normal.
And there are things that you need to do and mistakes you need to avoid when you start to ask yourself this question. And we are going to unpack all of that. And I have so much to share with you because I've just spent the last two years writing a book called The Let Them Theory. An entire section of this book is about this topic.
Knowing whether or not you're with the right person or in the right relationship and unpacking the tools and the science that applies here, that is going to help you make the right decision for you. And I promise you, you're going to leave the conversation so empowered. And so thank you for hitting play. If you're brand new, welcome to the Mel Robbins Podcast family.
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Chapter 2: How can I tell if I'm with the right person?
It's very simple. Can you stop complaining about it? If you can't stop complaining about it, here's what it tells me.
This is an issue that matters to you. This is an issue that is not something you're willing to just compromise on.
This is an issue where if this person continues to just let their health go, or they continue to refuse to go to therapy, or they continue to just yell at you or be passive aggressive with you or text you nonstop at work when you've said I can't, or text you when you're with your girlfriends, and you just are like, I don't want to be with somebody who acts like this.
That's a deal breaker because you have to understand people only change when they feel like it. This person's behavior is demonstrated. They either don't feel like it, they don't want to, they're incapable of it. And so now it's on you. Can you marry, live with, and be with this person and be happy and love them as they are and not resent them and wish they would change for the rest of your life?
That's what a deal breaker is.
And that's not their responsibility. It's your responsibility to identify for yourself. And see, I think so many people are so scared to be single. You literally brush a deal breaker under the rug and you gaslight yourself into thinking someone's going to change. And they're not going to. It's not your job to change them.
And the more you try to change them, the more tension and frustration there's going to be in your relationship. And that means E. If you can't end your complaining and you can't accept who this person is exactly as they are, then they're not your person. They may be a great person. They may be a good person, but they're not great or good for you. For most people, It's not a deal breaker.
It's something you have to learn to accept and still learn how to love somebody. You got to let them. Because the more you let someone be themselves, the better your relationship gets. And you know this is true. Because... Do you like it when somebody tells you that you need to find a new job? Do you like it when somebody tells you you got to get control of this debt?
Do you like it when somebody tells you that, you know, maybe you should go back to the gym or, you know, that kind of holds their mouth when you're like, I've gone up a couple sizes of pants. Like, are these pants too tight on me? And you're like, they kind of are, but I don't want to say anything. You know what it's like?
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