The Mel Robbins Podcast
It’s Not You: The Real Reason Adult Friendship Is So Hard & 3 Ways to Make It Easier
24 Apr 2025
If you’ve ever felt like making friends as an adult feels impossible, or you’ve looked around and thought, "Where did all my friends go?" – you’re not alone. In this episode, Danielle Bayard Jackson is sharing the real reasons why female friendship can feel so complicated, based on research and the advice you need to hear. Danielle is one of the country’s leading experts on female friendship, the Director of the Women's Relational Health Institute, and the bestselling author of Fighting For Our Friendships. She teaches women how to build and maintain better friendships using proven, science-backed methods, and today, she’s here to clear up the confusion, cut through the drama, and break down exactly what you need to know about female friendship. Today, you’ll learn:-Why adult friendships change so much—and what it really means -Why it’s okay if you don’t have a BFF (and what to do about it) -Why female friendships can get messy and how to handle it -What do do when friendships fade -The subtle ways you might be pushing people away without realizing it -Simple, powerful steps to make new friends, rekindle old ones, navigate conflict, and strengthen your support system No matter your age or stage of life, it’s not too late. If you’ve ever felt lonely, disconnected, or like making new friends is impossible, this conversation will show you exactly what to do next. For more resources, click here for the podcast episode page. If you liked this episode, and want more tools, tips, and scripts to create more meaningful relationships, listen to this one next: What Makes a Good Life? Lessons From the Longest Study on HappinessConnect with Mel: Get Mel’s #1 bestselling book, The Let Them TheoryWatch the episodes on YouTubeFollow Mel on Instagram The Mel Robbins Podcast InstagramMel's TikTok Sign up for Mel’s personal letter Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes ad-freeDisclaimer
Full Episode
Hey, it's your friend Mel, and welcome to the Mel Robbins Podcast. I just read this book all about friendship, and it dives deep into something super fascinating, which is the science and art of conflict in friendship. And the research on this is really clear. See, friendship for women, it's totally different than the experience of friendship that you guys have.
I mean, how women make friends, what we expect of our friends, why so many female friendships have drama and tension. Frenemies, you've heard the term, right? We're going to dig into the science of why that's a thing. And you're going to also understand how they become so deep and intense and yet so fragile. You'll even understand why female friendship is often competitive, toxic, mean.
So if you've ever struggled with female friendship, or if you're listening right now and you're like, wow, there's someone in my life that's currently struggling, whether it's your sister, your daughter, your girlfriend, your wife, your roommate, your friend.
How about your friend who's losing her mind right now because she is so worried about picking her bridesmaids and there's so much drama around it? I'll tell you, you're not the only one who's having difficulty right now with female friendships.
And this conversation, it's going to change the game because you're going to learn so many interesting facts about how women make, break, find, and keep friends, how it's different than how guys do it. And regardless of where you are in friendship, you're going to love this.
And I'm saying whether you feel right now like you got no one, you just got kicked out of your friend group or you're bummed because you never see your female friends, or maybe you're sad because you're growing distant from people you were once close with, or you're just wanting to create new, awesome female friendships. Well, I want you to know What you're feeling is normal.
And there's a reason why we all struggle with this. It's not you. In fact, there are three factors that are required that are unique to female friendships. And these three factors are what create deep and close female friendships. And guess what? The same three factors are the reason why friendships end. Here's the reality. Female friendship doesn't just happen.
And it's also not only important, it's essential. It's what's going to help you create a meaningful life. And we're going to talk about it today. Hey, it's your friend Mel. I'm so fired up that you're here. Welcome to the Mel Robbins Podcast. I'm so excited about our topic. I'm so excited that you're here with me. It's always an honor to spend time with you and to be together.
And if you're a new listener, I want to take a moment and welcome you to the Mel Robbins Podcast family. I'm I'm so glad you're here. And because you made the time to listen to this particular episode, here's what I know about you.
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