Matters of the Heart: The Moth Radio Hour
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How does a divorced woman find love again with dating apps?
This is the Moth Radio Hour. I'm Meg Bowles, and in this show, we'll hear stories from the heart. Deep loyalty, great pride and affection, unbridled passion. Love is a common theme in moth stories, perhaps because love touches every corner of our lives. We cherish and celebrate it, we daydream about it, and often find ourselves in pursuit of it, like our first storyteller, Christy Hawkins. Christy shared her story at a Grand Slam in Denver, Colorado, where we partner with local public radio station KUNC. Here's Christy Hawkins live at the Moth.
I got divorced recently, and my friends and family have decided that it's time for me to get back out there. One of them actually suggested that I should get on Tinder. And I'm not so old and out of it that I don't know what Tinder is. I know what it is. Actually, when I first got divorced, I asked my 21-year-old niece if she thought I should sign up for the Grindr. And she explained to me that Tinder and Grindr are not the same thing. But I don't really know how these sites work. I know what they are, but as my friend described it to me that night, and with those swiping left and the swiping right, it occurred to me, this sounds so much like junior high. I mean, in junior high, when you like somebody, you would write a note and ask them, do you like me back?
Check one, yes, no, maybe. And then you wait for a response. It's straightforward. But for me... That's terrifying. If this is how dating is going to be, I'm not sure I want in.
How did a cruel junior-high love note lead to a second chance at love?
Because I have really traumatic experiences with these notes. See, when I was 13, I was in love with a boy named Ryan. Ryan was tall and blonde and blue-eyed, and he was smart and quiet. He's what the kids today would call a hot nerd. And I... was not a hot nerd. I was what the kids today would just call a nerd. And I had a perm, and I had super thick glasses, and I wore turtlenecks almost exclusively. Like, every day. I mean, Ryan was way out of my league, and I knew that, but it didn't stop me from loving him. I just loved him. And I was not at all subtle about my love for Ryan. So a couple of his friends caught on that I liked him. And these boys, Marcus and Adam, would just tease me about it. But I didn't care.
I was in love. Well, this all came to a glorious, glorious head the Friday before spring break of my eighth grade year. I went to my locker to get my books to go home, and there was a note stuck in my locker. And the note, I opened it up and read it, and it was from Ryan. And it said, Dear Christie, I really like you. Do you like me too? Check one. Yes, no, maybe. Love, Ryan. It said love. I mean, it was happening. Like, this is happening. I floated to the bus, and I read and reread that note all the way home, imagining how Ryan and I were just going to be together forever. And I knew that we would not be able to make our dreams come true until after spring break, because back in those days, we didn't have cell phones.
So I would have to wait until we got back to school. But when I got home, we were ready to leave on vacation for spring break, and the phone rang just as we were walking out the door. And my mom answered it. And she called that it was for me. And when I got closer, she stage whispers to me, it's a boy. Like, she's as surprised as I am because I am not a kid that ever got called by boys, believe me. And so I just knew it was Ryan. He was ready to get the party started. Like he could not wait for spring break to be over. He wanted this to happen now. So I was super cool. I was like, hey Ryan, what's up? And he was like, hey Christy, it's Ryan. And then he took a big breath and he said, You know that note you got in your locker?
Well, I didn't write it. Marcus wrote it. It was just a big joke, and he thought it was really funny, but I didn't think it was funny. I just thought it was kind of mean. So I thought I had to call and tell you that I don't like you. I felt all the feelings. Like, I was crushed, beyond crushed. But I gathered my wits and I said, oh, God, Ryan, like, I totally knew it was a joke the whole time.
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Chapters
8 chapters
1
How does a divorced woman find love again with dating apps?
0:12–1:55
2
How did a cruel junior-high love note lead to a second chance at love?
1:55–6:24
3
Why did Kemp Powers believe he was a bad father after divorce?
6:24–10:43
4
How did a tsunami scare help a father reconnect with his daughter?
10:43–14:50
5
How did birdwatching bring a son and his father closer?
14:50–19:26
6
How did a shared love of birds help a son say goodbye to his father?
19:26–28:28
7
How did Esther McManus’s childhood baking passion lead her to Julia Child?
28:28–38:59
8
How did Esther McManus keep the croissant-baking tradition alive on Julia Child’s show?
38:59–50:27