The Nerve with Maureen Callahan
The Baldwins' Swan Song, Rachael Ray's Bizarro Blathering, and The WNBA's Shameful Behavior
Sun, 1 Jun 2025
In this special weekend edition of The Nerve, we are bringing you a blend of Maureen's bonus slam dunks, as she rips into the Baldwins and their failed attempts to resuscitate their public image, unloads on the attention seeking posts from 3 celeb IG accounts and then skewers the WNBA and Afflecks with the one and only Bill from Brooklyn.
Chapter 1: What are the Baldwins' recent public image struggles?
hey welcome to a special weekend edition of the nerve this is something we have never done before but um we want to give you guys all the content we possibly can and we hear you that you're loving the weekend stuff and we are loving providing it for you we love it so usually what we do is is the mini nerve where it's you know sort of bonus content it runs about 20 minutes not this weekend okay this weekend we're giving you a special
mix up, mash up of like the best of the nerve so far. You know, three distinct segments that, you know, maybe you missed an episode or you didn't hear a certain thing. You know, we had a little technical glitch on Wednesday and the episode went up later. Blame the French, okay? Just blame the French. But, you know, that episode is up now and you guys will have this to hopefully hold you over.
So here it is. our very first full edition of The Nerve on a weekend. Enjoy. We are going to talk about Hilaria Baldwin. I can't roll my Rs. I used to be able to. I had like six years of Spanish. I lost it all, like they say you will if you don't speak it all the time. So this bilingual thing she's using as her latest excuse doesn't really hold water, but we'll get into that.
Chapter 2: Why is Hilaria Baldwin on a book tour?
So she is now on a book tour. She wrote this book that I will show you. I saved you time, I saved you money, but I am going to bring you some real entertainment with this one. As we know, the Baldwin's reality show has been an epic failure. not just in terms of ratings, but like reputationally, like nobody wanted to watch it.
Everybody saw it for what it was like an attempt for Alec and his fame, hoary, hungry wife. looking to rehab their reputations after Alec shot a 42-year-old cinematographer named Helena Hutchins accidentally, fatally, on the set of Rust, leaving her husband left to raise their young son alone. But you know what?
Rust came out this week too because we all have to see Alec fucking Baldwin's brilliance on the screen. I would have had that movie burned. I don't even think they use actual film anymore, do they? However they shot it, I would have burned it. Okay. So Hilaria is now out on her book tour. And she's talking about many, many things. Nobody's really asking about the Spanish thing. I would give...
give like an organ you can do without or like even just like you know i'd give an appendix maybe like i would undergo surgery to have a moment to sit down with hilaria and really bring some questions that america would like answers to okay so she goes on the today's show and she's asked about the rust shooting and she says quote sometimes bad things happen Okay. Sometimes a bad thing happens.
Like a bad thing happening is like you get a parking ticket when you thought you were like in the clear. Okay. A bad thing is like your Amazon package didn't come on time. Okay. This verbiage does not rise to the level of a young woman, a young wife and mother losing her life. Okay. So right away, I mean, again, like it's not happening.
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Chapter 3: What controversy surrounds Alec Baldwin and the Rust shooting?
I hope Hilaria is enjoying this moment in the sun because I do think we are well and truly done with her. Now, I'm going to show you the book. It's called Manual Not Included. And again, this book is smaller than The Let Them Theory. And we talked about the physical size of The Let Them Theory as being so small. It's like the publisher is trying to trick you that this is an actual book.
This thing is really tiny and it's really slim. I think there's six chapters in here. That for me was like a chapter book when I was in the fifth grade. So this is already insulting. Now look at the narcissism as well, because we've got Hilaria and Alec on the cover. And this is a trick I learned in magazines. It's not like a trick, but it's an insight when I used to work at magazines.
When you look at something, be it like a layout or a book cover, the eye naturally wants to go left first. So... Guess who's the star on the left of this cover? It's Hilaria Baldwin. Okay. Not for nothing, there's a shit ton of photos inside this book. And typically when an author is on the cover of their book, usually a celebrity's face will be on the cover of their memoir.
This is not that, trust me. You will not see an author photo because like it's deemed a little too much. It's deemed a little tasteless. Okay. Guess who also has an author photo? Like she's made up She's giving her best Zoolander. So she starts out with this story. She's out there humiliating Alec Baldwin now. Now he got something in on their reality show. And before I get into her
vile, I think, disclosure of something that is, I'm sure, very sensitive and personal to Alec Baldwin. And trust me, I don't feel sympathy for Alec Baldwin, but I don't like bullies. Alec, in a confessional on their reality show, sort of lets the mask flip a little bit. Like, watch this.
I just said I will sign it. I don't really want to think about the end by the beginning. And then you're like, yeah, I don't want to do it.
Let's talk slower. You're speaking English in a Spanish cadence, which is always perilous for me. Slow down just a kiss. I can't understand you.
You guys, I died. Like I am levitating over my body and I am looking down at myself and saying, did I really see and hear what I just saw and heard? Alec Baldwin, as she's going la, la, la, la, la, la, la. Again, this is a white woman from Boston
who told america and then alec went on all manner of late night talk shows and repeated this clearly believing it that his wife was spanish from spain okay it's not that she like pretends like she's got this spanish accent when she's not it's like she told us she came over here from spain and much like megan markle she had no idea like alec baldwin i don't i don't what do i want to do with like a famous rich celebrity i don't know whatever
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Chapter 4: How does Hilaria Baldwin's book portray her relationship with Alec?
I also got the audio book because I wanted to hear the – you know, what we all know is going to come. She's going to slip into that fucking Spanish accent when she's narrating her piece of shit book. So listen to this.
One of the fascinating things about living in public figurelandia is that you can be known as two totally opposite things at the exact same time.
Okay. One of the curious things about living in public figurelandia. Okay. So she's got that like over the end where you sort of like, she's like, she's doing it. She's like rolling right into the Spanish line, you know? And she's like, you know what happens when you become a public figure as if she wasn't Velcroed to Alec Baldwin's arm.
at every award ceremony until she landed this big fish, as if she wasn't spending pre-COVID time on her social media as she's churning out child after child. Trust me, I grew up in an Irish Catholic neighborhood. I know families who had seven to 12 kids, and it was like every year there was another kid showing up. You know who wound up parenting those kids? It really wasn't the parents.
It was the older kids. she's she's got all of these kids who need all of this attention and a husband who's got an anger problem and she's busy posting videos of and photos of herself contorting her body into highly sexualized yoga poses while she's barely wearing anything and she says
you know what happens to you passive language when you become passive language a member of what she calls like this carnival you know this amusement park known as public figurelandia that she was bound and determined to insert herself into and become famous though she lacks any kind of talent or any kind of actual thing to say or to share with us. Like, you got to be fucking kidding me.
I mean, there's stories in this book of her running for her life from the paparazzi. You know, this is a woman who like, she dresses up to go out and go get coffee in New York. You know, she and Alec live in a very, very nice building. I'm sure they have an espresso maker. I'm sure they have like a $12,000 Breville coffee maker, but she's got to pull on like
skin tight leather pants and like a big fur hat and like big sunglasses and trot herself out in front of the paparazzi and be like, look at me. Oh, don't look at me, but look at me. Okay. So I did not listen to the whole audio book because, you know, I am not a masochist and I know you wouldn't want me to suffer, but there was a moment almost 20 minutes in where she talks about how she identifies.
And I almost spit my coffee out. Listen to this.
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Chapter 5: What is the significance of Hilaria Baldwin's Spanish identity claims?
And once upon a time, Alec had the power because Alec was the super famous, well-respected, wealthy movie star with like a $30 million house in the Hamptons and, you know, a multimillion dollar duplex apartment in Manhattan. And we also have heard he allegedly has a separate unit in that building that he uses solely for himself. It is off-limits. to the other members of his family.
But now that Alec escaped by the skin of his teeth from those charges in the shooting of Helena Hutchins in New Mexico, So the case can never be brought again. So he's in the free and clear, but he spent so much money on his defense and he was unemployable during that time. And he's really kind of unemployable now. He was just fired. I think from the match game.
I mean, the parlance is like, we didn't renew his contract. That's code for it. They fired him. They replaced him with Martin short, like another one I wish would kind of take a step back. But anyway, so the ground has shifted now because like Alec, has no leverage. Hilaria has all the leverage. He cannot divorce her.
There was a Radar online report the other day that had Alec expressing so much unhappiness and contemplating leaving the marriage, but I don't think he ever really can. It's cheaper to keep her. He can't afford divorce attorneys. He can't afford palimony for seven, eight, nine kids, however many kids they have.
can't afford you know to be supporting hilaria and all those kids you know like to the in the manner to which they've become accustomed so he's stuck okay so that's alec baldwin's karma that's his punishment i think it's kind of the same as prison you know um but so she is now taking this moment
to humiliate Alec because I think she's got a lot of rage for him, just like Michelle has rage for Barack, just like Meghan has rage for Harry. The men are the stars. These women are nothing without them, okay? They have tried and failed at many ventures, and they are nothing without these marriages to these guys who actually have talent. So what is Larry going to do?
But she's going to make him fucking pay in the pages of a book. And on red carpets where she berates him for daring to speak while she's about to like utter some piece of shit that we all need to hear. Okay, so she's talking about in this book. Okay, we're on page 22. So it's like we're moving kind of at the speed of light. And she has just moved in with Alec. They're going to get married.
She knows it's coming. By the way, she says she doesn't even want to ring. And then he sends her to Cartier with some friends. And she's like, you know what? I was like, give me a big fucking ring. Okay, so he...
has her come move in and he says to her my house is your house i want you to make it your own i want you to to feel comfortable and she says okay what i'd really like to do is start cleaning up because she tells us like he's a hoarder and you guys did i not say this like the last show or the the show before that that like my theory was that they're hoarders they hoard children they hoard animals they hoard staff like they hoard um but in this version of events it's alec who's the hoarder and it's aleria always a silent h remember who's the sane one and so she says
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