Obituaries From My Father with Augie Lindmark, MD
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What is the mysterious obituary that first appears in Augie’s mailbox?
This episode of The Nocturnist is sponsored by the New York Zen Center for Contemplative Care. If you're a physician, advanced practice registered nurse or physician assistant, looking to cultivate well being and joy in medicine through an evidence based training program, Learn more at zencare dot org slash find joy. Support for the nocturnist comes from the California Medical Association.
At the Nocturinous, we are careful to ensure that all stories comply with healthcare privacy laws. Details may have been changed to ensure patient confidentiality. All views expressed are those of the person speaking and not their employer.
You're listening to the Nocturnists, stories from the world of medicine. I'm Emily Silverman. Today's story featuring physician Agi Linmark begins with a mystery and ends with a heartfelt conversation between Agi and his father, in which Agi realizes that despite their differences, he and his dad have a lot more in common than he initially thought. After the story, Agi and I talk about how sometimes the easiest way to talk about an issue is actually to talk around it, at least in the beginning, and how Agi's childhood as the son of a pastor gave rise to his physician career. Age grew up in the Midwest, but now practices primary care in New Haven, Connecticut, where he's on faculty at the Yale School of Medicine.
Take a listen to Augie's story, Obituaries from My Father.
In the spring of twenty twenty. A mystery appeared in my mailbox. It arrived in a white envelope with a red stamp, and inside was an obituary. Except I didn't know the person who had died, and when I looked at the envelope there was no return address. Someone, anonymously, had mailed me an obituary. At that point in my life I had other problems. I was a resident doctor working in the hospital in the beginning of a pandemic. And each morning I ride my bike to the hospital on eerily silent streets. And when I get to work, it is chaos. People are sick and struggling to breathe. And I give medicines that do not work to people who do not survive. I ride my bike home as fast as I can because home is safe, the hospital is not.
I get home, I strip off my scrubs, I hop in the shower and I wash the hospital off of me, I put on pajamas, I go outside, and I check my mail. And inside Is a second white envelope. Red stamp. No return address. The second obituary is the same as the first. It is a complete and total stranger. But at this point it is also an intruder because death that's for the hospital, not for home. And it was an uncertainty on a pile of uncertainties in a very uncertain pandemic. And when enough questions pile up, I need an answer. And the answer I needed was Who the hell is sending me obituaries? So I devise a plan and it is not a good plan. It is a plan that develops after too many hours at home in the middle of lockdown and when paranoia sets in.
And my plan is I will sit at my window and I will watch my mailbox. I may have taken notes. I may have discovered that the postal worker arrived between three and five PM every afternoon, and when you watch out your m window, you learn a lot about your neighbors. My one neighbor wore a cloth mask for herself, and she reserved the N ninety-fives for the flat nose of her fifty pound bulldog. My other neighbor went to his mailbox, he got his mail, and he discovers he is being watched. Our eyes lock through the window. He turns his head and looks concerned and runs right back to his apartment. And we have not spoken since. But nothing is suspicious. No one touches my mailbox except the postal worker. Who looks shifty?
Perhaps this was a prank, or worse, payback. Had I wronged the postal worker? How had I wronged the postal worker? Did I tip the postal worker? Were you supposed to tip your postal worker in the middle of the pandemic? And if you didn't tip them, did they deliver death to your mailbox, show up at your door and say, You're next? My postal worker arrives at four eleven in the afternoon and I wait for him to leave. And then I go outside and I check my mailbox.
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Chapters
8 chapters
1
What is the mysterious obituary that first appears in Augie’s mailbox?
0:00–5:34
2
How does the COVID‑19 pandemic setting shape Augie’s experience as a resident doctor?
5:34–11:21
3
Why does Augie decide to watch the mailbox and what does he learn about the postal worker?
11:21–17:04
4
What clue in the second obituary reveals a connection to Augie’s father?
17:04–22:25
5
How does Augie discover his father’s collection of obituaries in the basement?
22:25–28:59
6
What does the conversation on the church bench reveal about the father’s wishes for his own burial?
28:59–35:12
7
How do Augie and Emily reflect on spirituality, uncertainty, and the role of a pastor‑son in medicine?
35:12–41:05
8
What insights does Augie share about turning the story into a performance and his future creative plans?
41:05–47:05