Preparing to Live with PJ Lally, MD

episode

The Nocturnists 47 min 1 speaker 8 chapters transcribed 9 hours ago

▲ 0

Transcript

jump: chapters · speakers · find in transcript

Transcript

Transcript generated automatically by AI and may contain errors.

What is Dr. PJ Lally’s background and how did he become a hospitalist and hospice physician?

Emily Silverman 0:00

Support for the Nocturnist comes from the California Medical Association. The season of the nocturnist is sponsored by the Physicians Foundation.

Unknown 0:09

At the Nocturneist, we are careful to ensure that all stories comply with healthcare privacy laws. Details may have been changed to ensure patient confidentiality. All views expressed are those of the person speaking and not their employer.

Emily Silverman 0:28

You're listening to the Nocturnists Stories from the World of Medicine. I'm Emily Silverman. Today we speak with Dr. P. J. Lally, who brings us into the earth-shattering moment when he received a new diagnosis and all the events that followed. It's a story he told on stage at the Nocturne's live show in San Francisco at the Brava Theater in June of twenty twenty-two, and it's one that's really stayed with me ever since. I think because it has this immediacy to it that is really special. PJ is a hospital medicine doctor and hospice physician in Northern California and recently completed a master's degree in divinity and spirituality and peacemaking, which we'll hear about toward the end of my conversation with him.

Emily Silverman 1:16

But first, take a listen to PJ's story.

PJ Lally 1:31

I know about thirty seconds into the test that something isn't right. See, I'm in an optometrist's office, presumably to get some stylish glasses. You know, gray hair turning forty. I'm sitting down in a dark room, I have a patch over one eye and I'm in front of this machine clicking every single time I see a white flashing light on the back of the screen. And I'm not seeing the same flashes on the right side that I am on the left. Few moments later I'm brought into the optometrist's room. It's a little fancier. He walks in really kind appearing, grey hair, fancy spectacles and these kind of stylish alligator shoals. I live in Napa. And he sits down in his doctor chair and turns to face me and pauses just a fraction of a second and that's

PJ Lally 2:41

When I really know something isn't right, I've done that move thousands of times as a doc. It's like this turning to yourself to face someone. And then dropping bad news. He slides this white sheet of paper in front of me small and says, as you can see, this is the results of your visual field test. There's some damage on the right side of both of your eyes. You're a doctor, you know that this isn't a problem with your eyes. This is something with your brain. An MRI later that day, maybe swelling or fullness might be something. It ends up I have a one by two centimeter brain tumor. It's called an optic pathway glioma. Very rare. And in adults malignant. In six months I will be blind. And in a year I will be dead.

PJ Lally 4:12

I cry and cry and completely fall apart. I tell my wife and she holds me as I cry in bed and it feels so good to be held as you fall apart. But life isn't that simple. It comes raging back at me. Wills, we don't have one. Beneficiaries, I'm not even sure what that is, but I am waking up at night having panic attacks. Life insurance. I don't know the name of the company. I'm not sure if I've been paying my premiums. I keep freaking out that I am going to leave my family bankrupt. And I'm not sure what I've even accomplished in my life. There's still somehow this softness too. I go for walks through our curvy streeted neighborhood. I see a mom with a stroller walking her child and a little dog and the sun is shining.

PJ Lally 5:20

The dentist calls. Like, oh Teeth cleaning. I don't answer. I I never have to answer. I never have to get a teeth cleaning again in my life. Celebration. A week later I go for a walk with my daughter. It's our nightly ritual, a dog walk at dusk. We walk down the front steps, and moments later we're walking along the sidewalk, and it's a really gorgeous night. There's these dry, golden California grasses, a breeze on my face, and the sunset is purples and reds and blues.

How did Dr. Lally first discover the optic pathway glioma and what was his initial reaction?

PJ Lally 6:12

And my incredible daughter is just a few steps ahead of me, almost giddy, and just walking along, and she suddenly turns around. It says, Hey Dad. Can I use your phone for a second? I want to listen to this song. Seven Years by Lucas Graham. The kids at school have been listening to it and I wanna, you know, practice the lyrics.