Saying Goodbye with Peter Park
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What is the story behind Peter Park’s “Saying Goodbye” performance?
This episode of The Nocturnist is sponsored by the New York Zen Center for Contemplative Care, creator of the Contemplative Medicine Fellowship, an evidence-based training for physicians, advanced practice registered nurses, and physician assistants who want to cultivate well-being and joy in medicine through the integration of contemplative practices. Learn more at zencare.org slash findjoy. Support for The Nocturnist comes from the California Medical Association.
At The Nocturnist, we are careful to ensure that all stories comply with healthcare privacy laws. Details may have been changed to ensure patient confidentiality. All views expressed are those of the person speaking and not their employer.
You're listening to The Nocturnist, stories from the world of medicine. I'm Emily Silverman. Sometimes we notice patterns in the world, symbols or repetitions that seem like they could be a coincidence, but for whatever reason seem to hold a deeper meaning for us. In today's story, medical student Peter Park takes us on a journey from past to present, from a vineyard in Korea to anatomy lab, and shows us how a series of such synchronicities helped him process the death of his grandfather during the pandemic. Peter is a fourth-year medical student at the Burnett School of Medicine at Texas Christian University in Fort Worth, Texas. He has a background in theater, comedy, and improv, and plans to pursue residency in psychiatry with a focus on treating people with chronic medical diseases.
Let's take a listen to Peter's story, Saying Goodbye, which he performed live in Minneapolis in 2023.
It was the first day of anatomy lab, and I'm dreadful. You see, I'm the type of person who gets nauseous when they see blood on the screen, maybe some of you too. And so you can imagine me, a first-year medical student, walking through the basement double doors, and as I push, you feel the freezing cold temperatures giving you goosebumps under your scrubs. Before you look out, you see metallic tables with baby blue body bags.
Okay.
I walk over to my cadaver, and there's a sign on the table, and it says, elderly female, 76-year-old, stroke. Okay, can't really work with much there, but I go over and I unzip the cadaver bag, and the first thing that hits you is the smell of formaldehyde, which, by the way, is a warning to never eat breakfast again. And then I start to observe my cadaver. I notice her knees are bent inwards in a way that feels unnatural. The tips of her fingers are stained yellow. A smoker, maybe? And the drops of formaldehyde hang off her hair like morning dew. Well, let's get started. Masked, glove, goggled, I grab a scalpel in my right hand and my lab partner says, we start with the abdomen. I almost forgot where the abdomen was.
And I look and I make an incision across the midline. And I think that's what bothered me most that day was how easily the skin broke underneath the blade.
How does Peter describe his first day in anatomy lab and his reaction to the cadaver?
Thank God I didn't throw up that day. And luckily, each day after that got a little better. I get less nauseous. I feel more confident. And of course, right when I get the most confident I am, that's when I get the call. It was in the middle of the night, and I'm driving back home to my apartment after a long day in the anatomy lab, and I get to the intersection right before my apartment, and I get a call, and it's my dad, which is weird because he's the type of person to text you before he calls you, and it's also 10.30 at night. Something's wrong. I pick up, hey, what's up? And all he says is, . which translates to grandfather is dead. And I watch as the intersection light turns from red to green, but I can't take my foot off the brakes.
You see, my family and I have been struggling with my grandfather's Alzheimer's for the past couple of years. But before we even get there, I want to tell you the man he was before his diagnosis. The few summers I went to Korea to see him, my brother and I would go, and I think I was 12, maybe, and he would greet us with his huge, burly, open arms, showing off all his muscles that he had on the vineyard, and he was tan, like he was not part of our family, kind of tan.
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Chapters
8 chapters
1
What is the story behind Peter Park’s “Saying Goodbye” performance?
0:00–3:43
2
How does Peter describe his first day in anatomy lab and his reaction to the cadaver?
3:43–7:58
3
Why does Peter receive a late‑night call about his grandfather’s death?
7:58–13:30
4
What memories of his grandfather’s vineyard does Peter recall?
13:30–20:57
5
How does Peter realize the cadaver died of the same stroke as his grandfather?
20:57–28:02
6
What is the significance of the butterfly tattoo on the cadaver’s back?
28:02–35:55
7
How does Peter interpret the connection between the cadaver, the afterlife, and his grief?
35:55–42:09
8
What are Peter’s future plans for residency and creative storytelling?
42:09–45:06