EP 129: Dorian Evers — How to Navigate Different Stoke Levels in Your Relationship, and Getting Vulnerable with Your Partner

Dorian Evers is an individual and couples therapist in Boulder, CO. We talked about navigating different stoke levels in your relationship, how to create a safe space for your partner to be vulnerable, how to have difficult conversations, common insecurities and fears in relationships, tips for long-distance relationships, vanlife dating tips, and much more.Check out Petzl!petzl.comOr shop for Petzl quickdraws at your local climbing shop!Check out PhysiVantage!physivantage.com (link includes 15% off coupon)Use code "NUGGET15" at checkout for 15% off your next order!Check out Athletic Greens!athleticgreens.com/NUGGETUse this link to get a free year's supply of vitamin D + 5 travel packs!Check out Crimpd!crimpd.comOr download the Crimpd app! (Available for iOS and Android)We are supported by these amazing BIG GIVERS:Leo Franchi, Michael Roy, David Lahaie, Robert Freehill, Jeremiah Johnson, Scott Donahue, Eli Conlee, Skyler Maxwell, Craig Lee, and Mark and Julie CalhounBecome a Patron:patreon.com/thenuggetclimbingShow Notes:  thenuggetclimbing.com/episodes/dorian-eversNuggets:0:05:57 – Getting caught in thunderstorms0:09:51 – Dorian’s office and therapy practice0:11:04 – An example of Emotionally Focused Therapy0:15:19 – Bringing our baggage into our relationships0:18:32 – Talking about our relationships as climbers, and why this conversation feels important to Dorian0:21:22 – Parts of ourselves, the different parts of Dorian, and her identity0:25:09 – Do we have to give up our climbing identity to be in a healthy relationship?0:28:04 – Having a mismatched level of stoke with your partner, and getting vulnerable with your partner0:36:48 – How to make our partners feel secure in our relationships0:39:55 – Making meaning of what we don’t know0:41:07 – People pleasing vs. being radically honest0:45:15 – Becoming aware of our fears/worries, and checking in with our partners0:49:21 – Finding delight and empathy in your partner’s experience0:55:59 – Being curious about what lights up your partner0:59:48 – Communication, and creating a safe space for your partner to be vulnerable1:05:10 – Active listening skills1:07:13 – When to have difficult conversations with your partner1:10:38 – Navigating insecurity and jealously1:15:20 – Telling your partner that you’re thinking of them1:18:30 – Staying in the room1:20:26 – “We’re not mind readers.”1:21:22 – Patron question from Joy: How do you stay psyched as a climber when your partner doesn’t climb?1:24:01 – “Every relationship is going to have conflict, but it’s about the repair.”1:27:31 – How to stay connected to your partner when you’re on a trip1:31:36 – How to stay connected in a long-distance relationship1:36:42 – Question from Doreen, and lessons we learn from climbing1:40:53 – Balancing different individual passions in your relationship1:42:46 – Carving out intentional time for conversation1:45:07 – Living in a tiny house, and Dorian’s tips for living in a small space with your partner1:51:59 – My experience with Better Help, and how to find a therapist

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