BUY THE BOOK! "What Happened To You? Conversations on Trauma, Resilience, and Healing" by Bruce D. Perry and Oprah Winfrey, published by FLATIRON BOOKS | MACMILLAN PUBLISHERS, is available wherever books are sold. Go here for more information about Dr. Bruce Perry’s work Buy the book on Apple Books Buy the book on Spotify Head to myalloy.com and use code: OPRAH for $20 off your first order. In this episode of The Oprah Podcast, world-renowned child and adolescent psychiatrist and neuroscientist, Dr. Bruce Perry, offers his advice on how to heal from childhood wounds. Oprah and Dr. Perry co-authored the #1 New York Times bestselling book, What Happened to You? Which has sold over 1 million copies. Dr. Perry discusses why asking this simple question is so important to understanding one’s story and behavior. He also gives scientific and practical guidance on why certain traumas can have lasting impacts on our lives and how little moments of hope make all the difference. Oprah shares stories from her own life offering ways to overcome our challenges. People from around the country join via Zoom to share their experiences and receive advice from Dr. Perry and Oprah on how to heal and move forward from their personal traumas. Subscribe: https://www.youtube.com/@Oprah Follow Oprah Winfrey on Social: https://www.instagram.com/oprah/ https://www.facebook.com/oprahwinfrey/ Listen to the full podcast: https://open.spotify.com/show/0tEVrfNp92a7lbjDe6GMLI https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-oprah-podcast/id1782960381 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Chapter 1: Who is Dr. Bruce Perry and what is his expertise?
Hey there, and thanks to you for joining me here on the podcast and for watching on YouTube. Today I'm welcoming Dr. Bruce Perry. I've known Dr. Bruce Perry, a world-renowned child and adolescent psychiatrist and neuroscientist. I've known him now for 30 years and more. I invited him on The Oprah Show more times than I can count.
And over that time, we've had many, many, many opportunities to talk about the impact of sexual abuse or domestic violence or poverty or racism on development and how that impacts people.
I also asked Dr. Perry to implement his work called The Neurosequential Model of Therapeutics to help my girls' school in South Africa become a trauma-informed school.
When you're regulated, for me, my mind is open to learn.
Dr. Perry has written half a dozen books, including one he co-authored with me called What Happened to You? Conversations on Trauma, Resilience, and Healing. I'm proud to say it's a number one New York Times bestseller.
Hi, Oprah. Hi, Dr. Perry.
Dr. Perry and I are talking with viewers and listeners about our book.
How do I forgive my parents for not showing up the way I needed them to show up for me?
I would say reading it opened up a new way of healing from their trauma. Your work, this book, has had such a profound impact on my life personally and professionally, so thank you. It's a simple question that resonates profoundly for so many of us. What happened to you? I have to say, that question changed everything.
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Chapter 2: How did Oprah and Dr. Perry's book come about?
Because the only people that make people feel like they are minimal are people who feel minimal themselves. Exactly. You absolutely can't do it if you're a whole person.
There's a great quote by Abraham Lincoln who had, there's a legislator he didn't like. Yes. And he said, I don't like that man. I must get to know him. Wow. Isn't that amazing, right? Well, that's why he was Abraham Lincoln. Abraham Lincoln understood that if I knew his story, I would have a better understanding about why I don't like him and why he's unlikable.
And I think the thing, we see this with kids. One of the things that's true is that so many of these kids that drive educators crazy. kind of batty, when they learn about them, it's actually frequently heartbreaking.
Yeah, they are the most interesting kid in the class. And if you are a teacher or an educator who's listening or watching us right now, or you are involved in the criminal justice system, or you are in any way having to deal with people who come from dysfunctional backgrounds, this book is absolutely essential.
I know one of the things that has been the most rewarding for me, I was working with women at the California Women's Institute, and they read the book as a book club assignment. And then wrote me letters that they all put in a book. And one of the most rewarding things was to understand that for so many women who've been incarcerated for years, they had never understood.
They actually said to me all this time, I thought I was just a bad person. I thought I had a demon. I never asked the question again. What happened to me? I was always asking what was wrong with me. So I think the fact that we did this book together has really, you know, not just sold a million copies, but has affected a million lives.
I agree. I literally every day I get emails and feedback from people about the impact the book has had on the way they understand themselves and then the way they do their work.
One of the most important takeaways that I got from the book, depending on what age you are when you experience the trauma, you handle it differently and it manifests in your brain differently. Exactly.
And this is something that the field generally is doing more research on and learning a lot more.
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Chapter 3: What is the significance of the question 'What happened to you?'
And this is a thing that I have learned for myself, Alexis, to share with you. You don't have to worry about trusting other people if you have done the work to trust yourself. Yeah. So you can trust that if somebody isn't providing you with...
what you need or that the moment a level of toxicity or them shaming or judging or in any way being disrespectful to you in any way shows up, you trust yourself enough to get yourself out of that.
Right, exactly. And we all kind of have to do this every day in every aspect of our lives. Who do we really share a lot with? And if they're not going to be trustworthy, it's like, well, that's whatever. That's them. That's right.
I'll get it done. So you don't go spilling your whole life to somebody and telling. Exactly. You don't open your heart to people that you don't know that they are worthy. Exactly. Of holding the heart space for you. Exactly. And that's the work you're doing on yourself. That's not about them. That's about you.
Oh, beautifully said. You got that.
Absolutely. You can get there. You got that. Thank you, Alexis. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you so much. So Dr. Perry told us about the United States District Judge Esther Salas, who is now joining us from her chambers. Hello. These are your chambers? In New Jersey, nearly five years ago. I remember reading that story. That was a horrible story that you endured the most unimaginable.
Will you share what happened? Judge.
Well, thank you, Ms. Winfrey and Dr. Perry, for letting me join this discussion. Your work, this book has had such a profound impact on my life personally and professionally. So thank you. It was, you know, the summer of 2020, a global pandemic. Our family, like the families all over this nation and beyond, were observing a quarantine that had been called by Governor Murphy in March of 2020.
And our son Daniel, at 19 at the time, he did such a great job. you know, really concerned about us, but he was lonely. And he finally, you know, worked on us long enough to say, you know, for his birthday, which was July 13th, can I have a few friends over? And so we thought about it. My husband, Mark, and I thought about it. And we decided to let him have a few friends over.
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