Show notes
The new year is a time of clear slates— a time where we set new goals for ourselves and our loved ones. We take time to write down our expectations for the year. However, maintaining our new year’s resolutions is another challenge as we deal with the disappointment from unmet expectations for ourselves and the people around us. In today's episode of Wisdom Wednesday, Tessa Tovar and Rosie talk about managing expectations for oneself, partners, and family members. They also talk about their individual goals and how they deal with their aspirations as budding and established writers. Listen as Tessa and Rosie share their wisdom in these situations and move towards radically-loved lives. If you struggle with handling disappointments through unmet expectations this episode is for you! This episode is brought to you by: Bombas Go to www.bombas.com/loved for 20% OFF Biome Breakthrough www.biomebreakthrough.com/radicallyloved Use promo code: radicallyloved10 to get 10% off! Hello Fresh www.hellofresh.com/loved16 and use code: loved16 for up to 16 free meals, and 3 gifts! Here are three reasons why you should listen to the full episode: 1.Learn the importance of knowing and sticking to your ‘why’ 3.Find out how to deal with unmet expectations in relationships 4.Discover the value of going through difficult conversations Resources ●Connect with and learn more about Tessa Tovar: Website | Instagram | YouTube | Podcast ●Pre-order Rosie’s book, You are Radically Loved. Episode Highlights Updates on Rosie’s ‘You are Radically Loved’ ●Rosie has recently finished recording the audiobook of ‘You are Radically Loved’ ●The book is now available for pre-order in Amazon and in Target, Walmart, Barnes & Nobles and other local bookstores On Setting New Year's Resolutions ●Rosie believes that not setting goals or expectations lets you avoid disappointment from undesired outcomes. ●She believes in the importance of goals and aspirations but tries her best not to get attached to the results. Dealing with Expectations in Marriages ●In relationships, we tend to set high expectations for our partners. ●We all tend to dismiss our significant other if they don’t act their expected role in the relationship. ●There are usually two ways to deal with this: to get in the mud and dig yourself out or not do anything. ●If you want to get out of the situation, both parties must be willing to do the work. ●No matter how flawed we are as people, things will work as long as you and your partner are on the same page. Keeping Sight of Your ‘Why’ ●We must always dream big and shoot for the stars, but we must not lose sight of the reason why we are doing what we’re doing. ●Taking small steps toward the end goal is more efficient than trying to figure out the formula to achieve the grandeur. Journey to Becoming ‘Book Bestsellers’ ●Writing and publishing a book is challenging. It takes ten years to get on any bestseller list and 15 years to get on the New York Times. ●It is easy to lose sight of your ‘why’ if you write for the accolade of becoming a best-selling author or making it to a New York Times list. ●It is important to go back to and stick to the reason why you started. Reaching your Self-imposed Goals ●Tessa has seen many people reach their goals and gain monetary success but do not seem happier. ●When people reach a certain level of success, they are left with questions of “What’s next?” or “What’s left?” ●The mind always wants what's better, and it fails to recognize the rewarding moment of reaching a goal. ●Tessa recalls her earlier days with her husband, when they lived from paycheck to paycheck, being scrappy with money. Despite the challenges, she remembers them as the best times of her life; she attributes this to knowing her ‘why.’ Dealing with Self-Involvement in Relationships ●People have a tendency to get self-involved in relationships. ●We are too focused on our own needs and what we can to bring to the table that we fail to acknowledge what our partner does for us. ●We tend to disengage with them instead of communicating and figuring out a plan to overcome the situation. Power of Having Difficult Conversations ●Rosie cites the importance of going through difficult conversations with your partner before leading to resentment. Identify what you need to do to help each other and express what you love about each other. ●You can either close yourself off and disengage entirely or be proactive and engage. ●Not attaching yourself to the results of your expectations allows you to change your perspective on your relationships. ●Going through uncomfortable conversations is difficult, but you have to lay it down on the table and out of your system to learn from it. Observing and Being Aware of your Partner’s Needs ●Having a significant other is about observing and becoming aware of each other’s needs. ●It also includes being present without being attached to results or putting pressure on somebody else to satisfy your expectations. ●The same goes for your other relationships— siblings, adopted family, and other people who come into your lives. 5 Powerful Quotes from This Episode [12:14] “There [are] two ways to deal with [disagreements], especially if you've been in a relationship for a long time, you're either gonna go through it, get in the muck and get all dirty, and do the work to dig yourself out, or you're not. And there is no right or wrong answer. It's either you're going to do it, or you're not going to do it.” [21:17] “The mind always wants what's better. And in your mind, it's going to be different [and better]. It's going to feel better than when it actually happens. And those moments are fleeting.” [30:49] “The experience [of] being with [another person] is not surrender. It's not giving up. It's not a zero-sum game. [It] is about observing and becoming aware of the needs of the relationship and of each other.” [31:40] “It’s not a perfect system and it was very uncomfortable. There were lots of tears…But I am so glad we did because we're [in a good place now.]” [32:08] “When you have hard conversations and teach invaluable life lessons, even though it's uncomfortable, go through it. I find it so worth it.” About Tessa Tessa Tovar is a health coach from the International Institute of Nutrition (IIN). She specializes in bio-individuality, which focuses on an individual’s specific needs to reach optimal whole-body health. She is also a well-practiced Yogi, with 500 hours of accredited teaching certifications on Vinyasa, Nidra, Restorative, Reiki Level I&II, Pranayama, and guided meditation. Tessa is also the founder of Outside the Studio podcast and has her own YouTube Channel where she hosts and shares all her insights and learnings. In her newsletter, Nutrition for Seasons, she shares yoga tips, and healthy recipes, among others. She is also a published writer and has authored The Dark Moon: A Book of Poetry for Savasana. If you want to connect with Tessa, visit her website. You can also go to the Verywell Fit website to know more.