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Chapter 1: What should I do if my spouse isn't on the same page financially?
From the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions, broadcasting from the Pods Moving and Storage Studio, it's The Ramsey Show, where we help people build wealth, do work that they love, and create actual amazing relationships. I'm Ramsey Personality, Rachel Cruz, hosting this hour with fellow Ramsey Personality and bestselling author and good friend, Ken Coleman. And we're taking your calls, America.
So anything in regards to your money, your job, your career, your work, your relationships, give us a call and we will talk through your situation and we'll give you our thoughts and hopefully give you some guidance on what to do next. Now, if you've been listening to the show for a while and you're enjoying it, please consider sharing the show.
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Chapter 2: How does being debt-free provide autonomy and options?
We're gonna go to the phones this hour and we got Josh first up in Virginia beach. Hey Josh, welcome to the show.
Hi guys. Thank you so much for taking my call. And I really want to say, uh, God bless you guys and your ministry that you do. You know, you help a lot of people and, uh, you know, I listen to your show all the time. So I appreciate all of you guys and what you do for us.
Thank you. Thanks Josh. I appreciate that. How can we help?
I have kind of a complicated situation. Um, I am currently doing the baby steps. I'm going through financial peace university.
Chapter 3: Is it wise to invest in a 401(k) as an intern?
I've been doing the every dollar budget and really been hitting this hard. Um, I'm married, been married about four years. Uh, my wife is not on board, uh, with much of the financial improvement. Um, and the complicating thing with that is, um, she keeps threatening me with, with divorce and separation.
I pay 100% of our bills and I feel almost like a prisoner in my own home because I help support not just myself, but her and her son. I have a 12 year old stepson and I work full time as an ER nurse. I travel for work and I go to school full time and hoping to change careers. So I've kind of just been, Just kind of like a mental breaking point.
I don't know exactly where to go and how to find peace at home. It's just something hard to deal with. I listen to you guys all the time, and I thought you'd be a great place to reach out to.
Is the threatening of divorce over the FPU steps, or is it something else?
No, we're not on the same page with just about anything. Financially, we've been separate.
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Chapter 4: How can I pay off debt with an inconsistent income?
the entire time we've been together. It's worked for us. And Rachel, you're big on having a combined account. The hard part about this situation is she has financially sabotaged herself to the point where I'm okay with the separation. I want what's best for everybody. But she cannot support herself and her son.
Okay, so let me just, yeah, put a little caveat. When we do talk about combining accounts, it's, yeah, we think it's very crucial. And when it doesn't happen, we always say there's a reason why it's not happening. And it can be multiple reasons, you know, of... They were burned before in a divorce and they're scared or they want the control.
Whatever, there are reasons of why that doesn't happen. And our push is always, okay, let's get to the reasons that isn't happening. So for you, just in that one example, as you said, the reason is because she financially has sabotaged herself. And has she sabotaged herself in other areas too, Josh?
Chapter 5: What are effective side hustle ideas during Baby Step 2?
Not just money? This sounds like every part of your marriage. You guys... you're not a fit. What caused you guys to get married in the first place? Was it different four years ago and it's changed?
Yes. When we first met, everything was great. I mean, we were really... Really in love. Things were great. We actually met on vacation and just kind of doing a distant dating thing for a while. And as a traveling nurse, I took an assignment out here to kind of test how things would go. It went very good. And then she went through a really ugly custody issue with her son and her ex.
Chapter 6: How does MasterCard's new initiative impact credit card usage?
And I really tried to step up and, you know, be a good man and support her and her son. And I've been doing that And the difficult part is I didn't find out about how bad some of the financial stuff was until after we were married. And there was a multitude of things. But I've been trying to support her and actually in getting into the financial piece and trying to work through the Ramsey steps.
I was like, hey, you know, we're not on the same page with a lot of things, but let's maybe do this together. It might be like a team building thing. Like, hey, let's get excited about something. Let's do this together. And it's just opened up a can of worms that I just did not know was there. And, you know, I talk all the time about trying to help her, but now I can't necessarily –
So not to get too technical, Josh, on just like the money side, you called for the money. So I know Ken can probably speak into some of the other parts of this, but for the money specifically, what has caused her to sabotage herself financially? Is it that she spends too much? Is it that she's not working?
Chapter 7: What advice can I follow to achieve financial peace?
Is it that she, yeah. What, what is, what's the main, the main reasons?
Okay. I'm sorry. I know I'm kind of all over the place. No, you're fine. You're fine.
No, no, you're great.
So she's actually an accountant of all things. So she struggled with personal finance where, you know, I know she took out a lien against her vehicle, which ended up breaking down. It was about a $10,000 loan against the car, which the car was not salvageable. So I ended up having to give her a down payment for her to get another vehicle.
I know I found out that she's taken out loans against her retirement and her credit score. Like I think it's in the low 500 range. So even though we were trying to go through this process of potentially separating, she can't even get approved to get an apartment on her own.
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Chapter 8: How can I balance my side hustles with my mental health?
So she's still living with me because she can't go out on her own.
Yeah.
And for the last six months, Even though we're basically separated but living together, I pay 100% of the bills and I just kind of feel almost like a prisoner in my own house. I've been trying to be a good Christian, man. I can't foreseeably just like, hey, I'm going to break the lease. I'm going to move out. You and your son have to figure something out. Well, she has a lot.
She obviously has a lot of brokenness. in her life and in her story that is not dealt with. And it's coming out sideways in all these different ways. Um, and so have you guys, have you guys done therapy? Have you guys done marriage counseling? Do you have a good church home? Do you guys have a pastor? Do you have a local therapist that y'all have seen at all? Have you gone that route?
We've done couples therapy twice and she actually even joined twice, like two sessions, two different, no, two different therapists, like 20 sessions. And then, um, She actually met with me and one of the Ramsey coaches recently, and even that didn't seem to help.
Okay, so Josh, do you want to fight for this marriage, or do you feel like you guys have decided this deal is done? Where are you at?
I believe it's done. I just don't know how to do it with being a good person, being a good man, and not leave them high and dry because I have a hard time with that.
All right, so here's what I would recommend. I think you need to go see some counseling on your end and get as healthy as you can because you're dealing with a lot, and I want you as clear as you can be with these decisions you've got to make. I'd also like you to see a pastor. where you go to church, and just walk through what do you feel is your responsibility when this marriage dissolves.
But if this thing is over, you're not responsible for her and this kid long term if she's going to keep making bad decisions. So you're going to have to walk through all of this and do what you believe is right.
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