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The Ramsey Show

He’s Still Living With His Ex’s Parents and Needs a Way Out

07 Nov 2025

Transcription

Chapter 1: What is discussed at the start of this section?

5.279 - 32.369 Dave Ramsey

Brought to you by the EveryDollar app. Start budgeting for free today. Normal is broken, common sense is weird, so we're here to help you transform your life. From the Ramsey Network and the Fairwinds Credit Union Studio, this is The Ramsey Show. Rachel Cruz, Ramsey personality, number one best-selling author, host of The Rachel Cruz Show, and my daughter is my co-host today.

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32.85 - 39.437 Dave Ramsey

Open phones at 888-825-5225. John's in Orlando. Hey, John, how are you?

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40.615 - 59.852 Unknown

Hey, Mr. Ramsey, it's nice to meet you. So I've actually struggled to keep steady employment over the past decade. I've been fired several times due to personality and behavioral challenges. You know, I've got over $70,000 in federal student loans, considering joining the Navy as an officer to pay off debt and to build a career.

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59.872 - 85.324 Unknown

At the same time, I'm considering starting a podcast with my friend, Ben, but I'm unsure what to do. I wouldn't be alive today without God and my parents funding me, but at 40 years old, I'd like to be independent. At this point in time, no employer will hire me, even now. low-paying jobs that you have suggested other people do to build a work record. I'm not sure what to do.

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85.405 - 87.687 Unknown

What kind of advice can you give me to help me out?

88.268 - 89.77 Dave Ramsey

How many jobs in 10 years?

91.092 - 92.494 Unknown

It's actually 11 years, but 14.

92.514 - 97.44 Dave Ramsey

14 jobs in 11 years. You're 40. So what'd you do before 29?

100.924 - 118.054 Unknown

Well, I was actually, I spent eight years in college because I I made a mistake early on in my life. I didn't have a plan. I didn't really know what I wanted to do. I had a brief window of time where I had good grades, but that was only, you know, in high school.

Chapter 2: What challenges does John face with employment?

177.78 - 180.563 Dave Ramsey

What you describe would be normally I would think belligerence.

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182.011 - 184.754 Unknown

Yeah, I guess you could put that in that category.

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184.774 - 201.315 Rachel Cruze

And is it episodes, John, when it happens? Like when it occurred, are you aware of it? Like when it's happening or how does that work? Because I'm just trying to figure out the tools to put in place for your life going forward to be able to function in society, right? I mean, to be able to hold a job.

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202.997 - 204.178 Dave Ramsey

Well, hold a relationship of any kind.

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204.198 - 206.081 Unknown

I haven't been able to function in society.

206.161 - 233.719 Dave Ramsey

Yeah, that's the point. And the Navy doesn't do well with people who have trouble with authority. Yeah, I realize that. That's going to be a nasty conflict. I mean, the whole military thing is authority. You know that. So it's command structure, and you will respect that even if your commander is an idiot. So, wow. Okay. So are you getting help with this in some way?

233.88 - 243.32 Dave Ramsey

Because I wish Dr. Deloney was here today because Rachel and I are going, oh, no. But, yeah, I mean, is there a treatment for this where you can become functional?

245.945 - 269.825 Unknown

Honestly, no. No. There's no cure for it. I've proposed an idea to, because according to research, the reason why people have NPD is because of low gray matter in the brain. I think that it can be cured with nanobots, that you can inject nanobots in the body and then have them programmed to heal the frontal cortex of the brain.

270.005 - 299.305 Dave Ramsey

Yeah, we just left my page. You just left me behind at the airport, dude. But no, there's no support, really. Just from a common sense, your older brother talking to you, listening to you, who loves you, just from that, what I'm reaching for is to try to find some way that – because there's not a career, self-employed especially, that pays people for misbehaving. Mm-hmm. Okay?

Chapter 3: How does John's personality affect his job prospects?

501.288 - 521.235 Rachel Cruze

A hundred percent. So that's what I'm saying though, is don't fall victim to this and make excuses so that that's where the work of the healing and the proactive, you know, being proactive in that way is going to be your next step. It has to be. But I think it is possible. I think there's something that you can do, honestly, John, to find healing and to be a productive member of society.

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521.215 - 552.825 Dave Ramsey

I do, too. I think there's something other than nanobots. Hold on. Christian will pick up. We'll get you hooked up with Deloney. I've been doing this show for over 30 years, and some of the saddest calls I have taken are from situations that are completely preventable.

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553.075 - 572.394 Rachel Cruze

Yeah. And what's so hard is I feel like one of those, especially the ones that I'm like, oh, it's terrible. People that call in and their spouse has passed away suddenly and they don't have life insurance. We actually took a question of a lady and she had three kids pregnant and husband didn't have life insurance. And I'm like, I can't even imagine. Or even if it was opposite. Right.

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572.434 - 595.473 Rachel Cruze

If a mom passed away. there's a dad with kids and trying to figure out how am I gonna afford childcare? How do I outsource some stuff that maybe she was doing? And it just takes the grief and the sadness of something like a sudden death to a whole new level. Like when you have to think through how am I gonna pay my bills in the middle of all that grief. Like it's just, it is, it's terrible.

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595.493 - 613.782 Rachel Cruze

And so life insurance is the one thing, especially as a mom with three little kids that I'm like so big on for people to get because it's inexpensive. Zander is the place that Winston and I actually get all of our life insurance and we keep re-upping it because I'm like, I just want it there. Like there's something about that safety of knowing that you have money if something suddenly happens.

613.942 - 628.802 Dave Ramsey

And it doesn't cost much because Xander shops among a gazillion different companies. It doesn't cost much. You just have to admit that someday you're not going to be here. You got to say it out loud and you got to say, I'm going to say I love you to my family by taking care of them and taking the time to put this stuff in place. The cost of stinking pizza.

628.862 - 632.627 Rachel Cruze

There really is. So that is one thing to do to say I love you to your family.

632.759 - 665.129 Dave Ramsey

So we've used Zander for all of our family's needs for insurance for many years, including, of course, term life insurance. To get a free quote, go to 800-356-4282. That's 800-356-4282. Or go to Zander.com. Jacob is in Atlanta. Hi, Jacob. How are you? How good are you? Better than I deserve.

665.189 - 707.23 Unknown

What's up? So I'm kind of in a predicament. I'm having to move out. I'm only 21. I make $35 an hour at my $40 job, and then I get to do my own side work on Fridays and Saturdays. I've got, oh, $2,900 on my truck, and I have $1,000 in credit card debt. And I've never been on my own, so I guess I'm just kind of nervous about... Being out on your own.

Chapter 4: What advice is given to John about his career and personal growth?

1166.927 - 1172.935 Unknown

So it's like almost investing in a single stock. It's worse. It's worse.

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1172.955 - 1174.737 Dave Ramsey

Okay. Because you can't get out of it.

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1176.32 - 1204.875 Unknown

And I have a follow-up question for you, Dave. We have a pretty significant mortgage. We have like $650,000 left on the house. We have about $410,000 in a brokerage account, $200,000 in our 401ks, and a small emergency fund. And it does put a lot of stress on us, the amount we pay in the mortgage and the taxes. Would you recommend anything on how to make...

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1205.058 - 1212.153 Dave Ramsey

Well, I mean, you sound like you've been listening a while, and you know we're going to tell you to take the 14 and put it on the mortgage. You knew that, right?

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1212.173 - 1215.119 Unknown

Okay. I think so, but it's scary to do.

1215.68 - 1226.761 Dave Ramsey

It's also scary to have $650,000 breathing down your dadgum neck. Right. I put the 410 on it, refinance and get you a current. Current rates are down. Let's get let's get the thing refinanced.

1226.781 - 1231.189 Rachel Cruze

And if you're getting a bonus at the end of this year to Melissa, that's going to be some extra cash to throw at it, too.

1231.209 - 1239.503 Dave Ramsey

So, yeah, it's great. Yeah. Invest in something you can control the outcome and or get out of minority shareholder positions aren't one of them.

1254.063 - 1273.144 Unknown

This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. This time of year can be tough. So make sure you check in on your friends, check in on your loved ones, and reconnect with people you haven't talked to in a while. I recently called one of my childhood friends. We had a great conversation. It was awesome. The conversation was hard, but we also laughed a little bit too.

Chapter 5: What financial advice is given for life insurance?

4132.315 - 4151.76 Dave Ramsey

Now, the reason for that, let's just back up. Let's pretend someone else called in. They said, okay, I make $80,000 a year. So 10 to 12 times would be $800,000 to a million dollars. which on a 35-year-old is the cost of a pizza if you don't smoke and you're not fat, okay? It's simple. Obesity and smoking are going to kill your rates, all right?

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4151.78 - 4163.472 Dave Ramsey

And so if you're in good, decent shape and you don't smoke, and those are both things you can control, by the way, hello. And so... Now you get good rates, and it's very inexpensive to have a million dollars.

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4163.492 - 4189.068 Dave Ramsey

Now, if you got a million dollars and you die, just for general, this is why we have this formula, in other words, your wife is left with two little kids, and they count on your $80,000 to eat with, and she gets a million-dollar check when you die, you put that in good mutual funds. And let's say just for easy numbers, it makes 10%. 10% of a million dollars is $100,000 minus taxes.

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4189.368 - 4207.174 Dave Ramsey

Looks a lot like what you used to make. $800,000 invested, 10%, that'd be $80,000, which is what you used to make. And so it creates that perpetually. Every year, it will send your widow or... widower with the little kids what your check used to be. That's why we get the formula.

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4207.194 - 4220.368 Dave Ramsey

Now, so if you want to use that idea in this situation and say, well, we don't need $4 million worth of insurance on this guy because she doesn't have to have $400,000, his $375,000 income to eat.

Chapter 6: How should one approach family financial dynamics?

4220.448 - 4241.714 Dave Ramsey

She's going to be okay. But let's say she, that you guys looked at and said, well, we want to make sure she does have $100,000. to go with her $100,000. That's a $200,000 income to pay this house. Yeah. Or, you know, I want to leave her enough to get some and enough to pay off the house. So you could say $1 million instead of $4 million right now.

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4241.835 - 4243.196 Rachel Cruze

Because, yeah, she'd pay the house off.

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4243.216 - 4267.249 Dave Ramsey

And then she'd write a check, pay off the house, put $750,000 in the bank in a good mutual fund with a good smart investor pro, not the bank. And... Now you're making $75,000 a year with no house payment. And that's really, really inexpensive again. And so, yeah, I would do something, in other words. And here's the other thing. We're 35 years old with no children yet.

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Chapter 7: What should I consider when seeking funding for a business?

4269.608 - 4289.714 Dave Ramsey

I'll just kind of tell you from 35 years of doing this, as soon as you get the life insurance going, the kid's going to come, so you're going to have to double the life insurance anyway. It's coming. So go ahead and get the million with plans to get three more million because it's coming. Yeah. Yet. Yet. All right. Jack is in Wyoming. Hey, Jack, how are you?

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4291.276 - 4292.277 Unknown

I'm doing well, sir. How are you?

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4292.617 - 4293.979 Dave Ramsey

Better than I deserve. What's up?

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4294.668 - 4316.614 Unknown

So I have a dad who has always helped me out with pretty much everything in my life. And I'm extremely grateful and I love him. I love him to death. And he's mentioned that my fiance and I, once we get married and we sort of decide to buy our first house, that he'd be more than willing to kind of buy it for us and then have him just kind of act as the bank.

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4317.656 - 4324.624 Unknown

He's mentioned no interest on that and all the good things that come along with that. But I was just wondering, how do we...

4324.807 - 4352.738 Rachel Cruze

make sure that it doesn't affect our amazing father-son relationship and how do i how do i do it dave's looking at me jack for me to be the bearer of bad news for you uh it will change your relationship so i mean there's no way around it it does and so when scripture says the borrower is slave to the lender your dad is now your bank

4352.819 - 4353.68 Dave Ramsey

He's your master.

4353.78 - 4375.333 Rachel Cruze

And so now it changes the relationship. Whether you like it or not, as healthy and wonderful as the relationship is, this almost always ends up putting a strain. And so I wouldn't do it. I would not sacrifice the most amazing relationship you have with him, which is such a gift to be a grown son and have that much respect and love and honor for your father.

Chapter 8: How do I navigate financial conversations with my parents?

4375.313 - 4385.336 Rachel Cruze

Keep it pure. Keep it simple. Keep it clean. And you and your fiancé, you guys, just go. Go and— Go have your life. Yes, go have your life. Do not tangle finances.

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4385.356 - 4410.442 Dave Ramsey

It's hard to eat Thanksgiving dinner with your master. That is true. Now, let me tell you, and it will affect your wife more than it will affect you. She'll feel the strain in the air more than you will because you and your dad have a quality relationship. So you won't feel it as much, all right? But it's there, and it's an unnecessary strain for a few interest points.

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4411.123 - 4428.687 Dave Ramsey

Now, let me give you one other question, and then I'll tell you one more thing. It's a great question, by the way, and I'm so happy you got such a good relationship with your dad. That's such a wonderful gift, especially in our culture today when it's more and more rare. Yeah. What's your dad's net worth?

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4428.707 - 4436.178 Unknown

Do you have any idea? I don't, but it's – I mean, he does very well for himself.

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4436.198 - 4437.94 Dave Ramsey

I mean, is that a million or 20 million?

4438.901 - 4441.805 Unknown

It's probably somewhere around 10, 10 to 12.

4442.065 - 4444.108 Dave Ramsey

Okay. And the house price would be about what?

4445.57 - 4450.577 Unknown

That would have been part two of my question had we gotten to that point.

4450.597 - 4459.211 Dave Ramsey

Okay. But, I mean, what are you all thinking? I mean, if you just threw out a number. Like a $500,000. You're brand new getting married in Cheyenne, Wyoming. Half a million dollars to buy a great house, right?

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