How Do I Help Without Enabling? (Hour 1)
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What is the main topic discussed in this episode?
From Ramsey Network, this is The Ramsey Show, where we help you get control of your money, get ahead in your career, and get on the path to living well. I'm George Campbell, Ramsey personality and host of the OnTrade Leadership Podcast and the Fine Print Podcast, joined today by my best friend, Dr. John Deloney, host of The Dr. John Deloney Show. And we are here for you, America, to take your questions about life, money, mental health, boundaries, crypto, you name it. There's a wide spectrum out there, John, and we are here to help those that are in a crossroads. If you need some confirmation, if you've got a burning question, we're here for you. And Christy kicks us off this hour in Charlotte, North Carolina.
Christy, welcome to the show.
How can I support family members after a tragic loss?
Thank you. How are you?
We're doing great. How can we help?
Okay, I'm going to try to get through this quickly. emotional my husband's 39 year old sister died in a car accident in June of this year and she left behind two daughters 17 and 21 years old who now live with my husband's parents um The 21-year-old graduated from college in May in three years and is starting a job as a high school math teacher this month. And the 17-year-old doesn't have a driver's license yet, but she wants to get a job after that. And I'm just trying to – I'd like to maybe purchase them Financial Peace University. My husband and I joined in January, and we've paid off $26,000 in debt so far. at the same time as paying our daughter's college tuition. So I feel like it would help them start out their lives, but also they just lost their mom.
I don't know how to broach the subject if I just shouldn't because it's none of my business or anyone.
So, gosh, I'm so sorry. This is one of those devastating moments. If you were in the booth here with me and George, you can feel it in here. Like... That's the worst thing you can imagine, right? Yeah. So we'll give you FPU for both the girls. We'll take that off the table. Don't worry about that. A quick question here. Is dad still in the picture?
He pays child support, but he is remarried and lives in a different town with his wife and their newborn and her three children.
Okay. Do you have a relationship with these girls?
Yes, they are like my other children.
Okay. Have you been with them over the last 30 days or the last month and a half?
Yeah, we spend all the time in the world with them, yeah.
Okay. So the challenge here is you're grieving deeply.
Yes, and that's why I don't know if it's a good time to bring it up because it's like that's probably the last thing on their mind. But with her starting a new job, It's also the perfect time to get her a head start in life.
Right. So you're going to have a delicate balance of both and.
What is the difference between helping and enabling?
What you cannot do is use doing things for these girls, make them responsible for your healing through this grief. Okay?
Yes.
And you've stepped into a role because this is the character of person you are, this is the relationship you had with them of some sort of maternal proxy for them. They need a mother figure as they're trying to navigate what's going to be a wild decade for them, right? One heading into their 20s and the other heading into life after high school. And so they'll need you to step into that role if they invite you in. And at the same time, you're going to have to make sure you're Service to them isn't the way you're going to find healing through this thing. Okay? Okay. So you're going to have to be really open and honest with yourself about, I need to go talk to somebody. I need to grieve this. I need to have a core group of women my age that I can talk to.
And... sitting down with these young ladies and saying, hey, I'm willing to step in in any way, shape, form, or fashion as we head off into life without your mom. And the greatest gift you can give them is to let them see you grieve. Because if they don't, they're going to think they're crazy for being as heartbroken and distraught as they are, okay? Seeing an adult that they trust and love in their life be super sad gives them permission to be sad, which is the path towards healing, okay?
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Chapters
8 chapters
1
What is the main topic discussed in this episode?
0:30–1:10
2
How can I support family members after a tragic loss?
1:10–3:28
3
What is the difference between helping and enabling?
3:28–6:39
4
How should I approach discussing financial education with grieving relatives?
6:39–8:31
5
What are practical steps to take when planning for the future?
8:31–12:12
6
How can I improve my budgeting skills effectively?
12:12–14:10
7
What strategies can help avoid financial strain during tough times?
14:10–16:05
8
What role does emotional support play in financial planning?
16:05–40:02