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Chapter 1: What are the financial expectations among family members?
I have a sister, before she even said I do, leading up to the wedding, she said, I will get pregnant immediately. Like, I expect you to set up my baby registry.
I want you to help me buy the car seat. I want the stroller. And what did you do? We're a little stressed out. What is a completely irrational fear that you have?
I don't drive behind the big tractor trailer trucks that have all the cars loaded on it. I really do have a fear that I am going to be convicted of murder.
My adult son moved back home. We are charging him roommate rent. Do we return it to him? Wait, really y'all? He's a dadgum crone man.
How old is he?
31. Normal is broke and common sense is weird, so we're here to help you transform your life. From the Ramsey Network, brought to you by Fairwinds Credit Union, live from Phoenix, Arizona, this is The Ramsey Show. Yes! So good to be in this room. What a beautiful crowd, a loud crowd, and we're ready to go. We're ready to learn from each other. So let's get it started.
First question up is Courtney. Give Courtney some love. There she is. What's your question?
Well, first, thanks for having me. I'm kind of nervous. I'm very excited. Okay, my question is... It's kind of embarrassing. But my husband and I have combined our incomes. We've only been married for about five years.
And I find I'm having a hard time with resentment sometimes, because I make a little bit more money, but he likes to spend the money. So I know it's right biblically. It's been great for us to combine our incomes, but I'm just wondering what steps I can do to change my heart on this issue and like not struggle with that resentment, if that makes any sense. Is he in the room? He's not in the room.
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Chapter 2: How can couples address resentment about income differences?
Ken is $5. I'm like any other man.
Do you even have face cream? It's not what you think. No, I do.
No, Ken is a bougie man. So he's actually... Him and George Campbell would be great ones to ask.
I have one bottle of Kiehl's and it's about yay big and that's all I do. This lady, what she makes Sam go through, it's unbelievable. That man knows about face cream.
And that's me too.
Here's what I want to say. That's me too. But here's the thing. Have you guys talked about this last situation? We did. And what was the result?
Because it's not the face cream that's the issue though, right? It just bubbled up. That was the last straw. It's all the other purchasing that's happening.
You guys have identified it, but I'm coming on the back end of this. When you discussed it, what was his response? Um, well, his response was, he was, we were trying to figure out how much to put on that, you know, line item.
And he's like, well, what about $50? And I'm like, no, that's not enough every month for my face cream. And he's like, well, what about a hundred? And I, and I was on the spot. I was like, oh, how much do I spend? And, and then, and I kind of, and he goes, well, if you need, if we need that much money every month, how about $50 for me extra for my fund money? And I was like,
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Chapter 3: What steps can be taken to create urgency about debt?
I want the stroller. I want this, that, and the next. And what did you do?
Boo-boo.
I said, we'll see.
Okay, here's what's going on. Okay, so a lesson, all right? Family members get expectations in their head. And I heard something earlier, and this is not on you, but I'm just going to point this out, okay? You gave willingly to the other because you thought she needed it. There was a need there. You don't think this other sister needs it. That's your view.
And I'm not saying you're wrong, but I think you have to own that. and you have to understand that it's not right for her to say what she said. That's why the audience gasped. That was cray cray. However, we cannot control our family members and people do get expectations because you were such a great sister. I'm wrapping up, but I just want to say this.
Well, I got two women on both sides of me when they ready to talk. I got to wrap it up. I can feel it. You need to own the fact that you created an expectation. You didn't do anything wrong, but she took it that way and she's gone over the top. She's crazy wrong. Just calling it out. But I think you're going to have to stick to your guns and say, I don't feel like this is what I should be doing.
And I would absolutely say we're in a different season of life. We're trying to have a baby and this could be very, very expensive. Stacey and I walked through that. I know exactly the journey you're considering. And I think you have to stick to your guns there and say, I can't do this right now, and here's why. And I'm sorry that you have this expectation, but I can't do that.
And you're going to have to be okay with the results. If not, I think she's going to hold you hostage, and then it's going to be even uglier than it already is. That's my two cents on that, ladies.
Well, I just want to say, it's not your responsibility. Like, you've put that on you. You know what I mean? And I think you have to own that in you. You can only control you. And Ken's right. When you put up a boundary with a boundary-less person, it doesn't go well. It doesn't go well. There's no boundaries there. There's no consideration. There's no gratitude.
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Chapter 4: How can vulnerability strengthen relationships?
I can handle it. It's his fault. But you need to have a conversation and share your heart. Be vulnerable. Vulnerable is strong. And you're a strong man. You got me? All right, brother. We love you. We appreciate you. Give him some love. That's really cool. Really fun. By the way... I've said this the entire time I've worked for Dave.
Chapter 5: What are the challenges of discussing finances with family?
I have the spiritual gift of giving away Dave's stuff. So just got a little budget of fun stuff back there. Maybe you'll be lucky tonight. All right. If you do a good job. Hey, that was awesome. Wasn't that fun? Hey, I want to bring that back really quick because I jumped into coach mode, but I would like y'all's perspective from the female side of things, what you would add to that.
And when a couple like that is completely in different lanes, anything you want to add to that? I don't want to miss that.
No, I think it's, I mean, I think it's an important, and I think it's more, it's more of the marriage issue than the money issue, right? The issue is vulnerability not fully being known for whatever the reason, right? And I think we all can have elements of that. You know, whether his fear is weakness, I don't know what it is, right? Like that whatever's driving that wall to be up
Chapter 6: How do I navigate feelings of isolation while achieving financial goals?
and this need to be the hero, be the person that just takes care of it. I'm not gonna worry about anyone else. That then puts up your spouse on the other side of that wall, right? And I even had Dr. John Deloney, he has the visual of the bricks in the backpack.
But you know, and you carry this around and your spouse has no clue, has no clue what you're carrying around if you don't share it and open. That openness then creates that teamwork and that side-by-side connection with spouses. And again, there's always gonna be one spouse That's like crazy Ramsey and obsessed, okay? We know who you are.
Like there's always going to be that one and there's always going to be the one that probably rolls their eyes a little bit, but they're on board because they love their spouse. And I really believe, wherever he is, I don't know where he went, that your wife is a good woman. And if you have a great marriage, she's going to embrace that, right? And if she doesn't, that's a marriage problem, right?
We have to like be talking about that. And so that's what's wild about The Ramsey Show is so many of the money calls we get.
Chapter 7: What advice can I give my younger self about money and life?
Oh, yeah.
It's not a money issue. Money is the symptom of what's really going on. When you actually fix the marriage stuff, then the money piece falls into place.
Okay. Up next on the mic, give some applause to Maria. Maria, welcome. Hi, Maria. Hello. Where are you from? Tucson. Tucson. Let's go. Nice, nice. Wildcat country. There it is. I get it. I watch the sports. My Michigan Wolverines pretty much destroyed you guys during the final four. I want to throw that out there. Yeah, that was such a disaster. You can boo all you want, but we won, all right?
Thank you very much. Sorry, Maria, back to you. I couldn't help it. I'm a shameful sports fan. All right, go ahead, what's your question?
All right, so my question is, and for a variety of different reasons, we recently had my adult son move back home. So part of that was he was in a condo, the HOA was very defunct, he was gonna pay off debt, got out of a not fantastic relationship. So we are charging him roommate rent, And the question is, do we return it to him when he is ready to move out?
Or if there's something he... I'm confused. I jumped ahead and shook my head.
I'm very... Oh, you said no? Wait, really? Yeah, no. How old is he?
31.
31.
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