Chapter 1: What is discussed at the start of this section?
Brought to you by the EveryDollar app. Start budgeting for free today. Normal is broken. Common sense is weird. So we're here to help you transform your life. From the Ramsey Network and the Fairwinds Credit Union Studio, this is The Ramsey Show. Thanks for joining us. I'm Dave Ramsey, your host. Rachel Cruz, Ramsey personality, number one bestselling author, co-host of Smart Money Happy Hour.
My daughter, she's my co-host today. Open phones at 888-825-5225. Sadie is in Vancouver. Hi, Sadie. How are you?
Good, how are you?
Better than I deserve. How can we help?
I have a bit of an odd question. I'm wondering if I should open up a secret bank account without my husband knowing in case of an emergency.
What kind of emergencies do you see happening? Sorry, I'm pretty nervous.
We overspend a lot each month and... I'm really trying to keep our payments down on things, but most of our overspending comes from him. And we have a difficult time talking about finances. I mean, we're getting better at it, but it's still... Not where it needs to be at all. For example, two months ago, we overspent by $3,500, and last month was $2,500. Where's this money coming from?
Well, it's all on credit cards right now.
Okay. How long have you been married, hon?
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Chapter 2: What are the concerns about opening a secret bank account?
Yeah. And I want you to do something about it. Not hide money from him.
We are in marriage counseling, but we've only had a couple of sessions so far.
Yeah. Yeah. This is not working. This is an emergency. Tell the marriage counselor that the house is on fire and we're going to die if we don't fix the fire. We can't just sit around and discuss our potty training as children. We've got to deal with this misbehavior today.
Yeah.
Big time. Big time. Rachel and I can both hear the terror in your voice. Yeah. I mean, this doesn't fix the problem, but to this thought, I'm thinking if I am you protecting some level of something, and it wouldn't be a secret account, but you would tell him, because we do say don't separate your finances when you're married, except for, and we do have some exceptions to that.
And so, Sadie, this would be one of them. For me, if I were you, and you would have to tell him, again, it's not in secret, but I'm opening up a separate checking account in my name because I don't feel safe financially with you. It feels irresponsible. I don't know what to do.
And if we don't fix this, this is, I mean, these are things that end marriages, Sadie, and I don't want that for you, but it's a reflection of who he is. And that makes me nervous. And it makes me nervous that you can't talk to him about it. You know, it's one thing if he's obviously very grieved by... You know what? I don't know.
I'm just making this up that he has a spending addiction or something. And he knows the problem. He sees the problem. You guys are working through the problem. But it sounds like he won't even work through the problem because you can't even talk to him about it, which gives me a red flag.
Yeah, well, yeah, he has like there's things that he's going through that we're also working on together. So it's a lot of times it seems like when I want to have a conversation.
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Chapter 3: How can communication improve financial discussions in a marriage?
Things that he's going through. probably addiction.
Um, I don't, I wouldn't, I don't know if it would classify as an addiction. Um, he used to have a drinking problem that got really bad, but I think I like, I caught it early enough that he started working on that. So he's doing a lot better, like a lot better. Um, but it does, you know, if he has to slip up one day, then, um, it means that spending in other areas goes up as well.
And it's usually things like eating out and video games.
Yeah. What I'm hearing is a very immature, very irresponsible little boy, and you've been trying to be his mommy for 10 freaking years, and you're really tired.
Yeah.
Yeah. And I don't think you're going to last much longer if he doesn't turn this around. So I think you need to have a really blunt, in-your-face discussion with your marriage counselor and go, I don't have a lot left in my tank. I'm about done with this guy. Okay. He's going to have to get his crap together really quick. Do you work, Sadie? Where's the income coming from?
It's all from him, and then I get a child tax benefit because we have three kids.
Okay. But you're not working outside the home?
No.
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Chapter 4: What steps should be taken when financial issues arise in a relationship?
Well, I mean, he's... he obviously has a, a lot, a lot to work on. And I don't, and I, the language of, which obviously we're not in the situation of the slip up and this and that, I think things are more serious than you're probably giving weight to Seder, probably you're feeling and maybe not saying, but there's a lot of, a lot of dysfunction and red flags.
And for his sake, wanting healing and wholeness, right? Like a lot of that's coming from somewhere. That pain is, is manifesting and going out, you know, every direction for him. And so figuring that out. But in the meantime, you and your kids, yeah, financially to keep you safe. Because you want to keep the lights on, right? And you just continue to dig deeper. Food on the table.
And where you can control is... cutting up the credit cards, getting all the credit cards out, you guys together, cutting everything up, stopping access points. Now, could he go apply for something in his own right and secret? Sure. But you can't control that. What can you do today? And as much as you can figure out where there is money for him to outsource, stop it at where it begins.
But I'm so sorry, Sadie. This is a... This is deteriorating before your very eyes. And we may see it more clearly than you do in the sense that we're not. I don't think we're overreacting on. I think you're underreacting. And so it's so overwhelming, you know, not not having the three kids and thinking, what's my exit plan?
If this were the case, I mean, that is so that is so scary and overwhelming to even think about. But but those are probably discussions. If you have good friends. find community and start thinking through Sadie for your life. But my prayer is that you guys heal this and that he finds healing in his own work for your sake, because I'm so, so sorry.
Dave, we got a lot of calls on this show where life happens. One day someone's healthy, they're working, providing for their family, and then a curveball hits. You know, we hear it all the time.
A car accident, a cancer diagnosis, a heart attack, and suddenly everything changes.
Yeah, and that's why you've always said that having term life insurance from Zander is essential because it protects your family if the worst happens.
Yeah, that's right. You need 10 to 12 times your income in coverage. No gimmicks, no whole life junk, just straightforward term life protection. But there's another piece that people often overlook, and that's long-term disability insurance.
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Chapter 5: What financial advice is given to someone preparing for a divorce?
You don't need to go gazelle in tents. You're fine. So you have transitioned, sir, from the acquisition mode to the enjoyment mode. You've been building the nest egg. Now it's time for breakfast. Crack the nest egg and begin eating, sir. I was like, where's the breakfast? Well, you've got to do something with these eggs, right? You've got to do something with the eggs.
The golden eggs from the golden goose. That's right. There you go. The goose is big, fat, and sassy. Let's get some of the eggs, okay? Enjoy. Enjoy. Let's ride the eggs. Good job, Greg. Yeah, you didn't call me up with no money and I'm trying to retire because I deserve to because I'm old. No, that was not what you called and said. Way to go. Proud of you. Very well done. Jackie's in Kansas City.
Hey, Jackie, how can we help?
Hi, Dave. Hi, Rachel. Thanks for taking my call.
Sure. How can we help?
I'm calling because I'm preparing for a divorce after 20 years as a stay-at-home mom, and I need some clarity on how to navigate the finances, particularly with the house and asset division.
Wow.
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Chapter 6: How should one navigate the financial implications of a divorce?
Sorry. What happened?
My husband has a sex addiction, and it's been chronically unfaithful to me. I've tried to reconcile multiple times, and This most recent time, I'm done.
Wow.
I'm sorry, Jackie.
That's awful. How old are the kiddos?
I've got 19, 16, 14, and 10, all boys. Wow. All right.
And what does he make?
He makes about $220 a year.
And how much debt do you all have?
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Chapter 7: What steps should be taken to ensure financial stability post-divorce?
And so qualifying for a mortgage is going to be a bit tricky.
So how far before you finish your degree?
Two and a half years still.
Okay. All right. Well, apparently you've not been talking to an attorney yet.
Not yet.
I've decided, but before I go an attorney and... Well, the attorney's going to tell you better than I can in your state what your state law is going to afford you on this. So... And of course, it's also what you guys can mediate as well. So a friend of mine that used to do divorce counseling says divorce turns a marriage into a business transaction.
So this now is despite all of the pain, the anger, the angst, the worry, despite all of the heartbreak, this is now a math problem.
Mm hmm.
Yeah.
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Chapter 8: How can one effectively manage inherited property and family dynamics?
I'm willing to work during grad school, but when I get to my internship, I'll be working 35 to 40 hours a week just in an unpaid internship.
And how long is that for? Is that a semester long? That'll be a full year. And so taking an additional 30-ish hours. A lot of those are paid gigs.
Yeah, this particular program, the school that I'm in, that's an unpaid position.
Okay.
Well, let's think about a different way of doing that then. Okay. Because if you could get paid to be an intern, that changes the equation too a little for you. It doesn't change the whole thing, but it helps make the adjustments.
So, yeah, you've got to – don't let the illusion that the house is providing more for the children than it actually is put you in a position that it damages the next decade of their life and yours.
Okay.
Right, right. So cut it loose if you have to. But I don't know what you're going to be able to come out of this with. And an $1,800 mortgage, though, you know, if you think about it, it's not bad. Renting and stuff could be around this. I don't know. There's a part of me that you may be paying that regardless. But you've got to eat. Yeah. And you've got to pay lights and insurance.
And you've got no money coming in. So we've got to have some money coming in. And that's how we balance this out. And the alimony could help if there's any of that. Child support. Yeah. 20 years. It's probably depending on the state. I don't know. I'm sorry, Jackie. Finally, mortgage rates have dropped, and you know what that means.
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