It's Never Too Late to Have a Happy Childhood | Jerry Wise

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Previously titled “Family Therapist: The #1 Sign You Were Raised by Narcissistic Parents” — renamed by the publisher on Aug 13, 2026

The School of Greatness 1h 23m 2 speakers 8 chapters transcribed
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What is the significance of the 'family trance' in understanding family dynamics?

So many people grow up under the family trance. They don't understand the dysfunction of their family because it's been normalized. Here I am criticizing myself and cutting myself down internally and hating myself. And many will go, don't look at any of that. Let's just try to be nicer to yourself. Versus, wait a minute, let's get mom and dad out of here. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. So let's start now.
Lewis Howes 1:51
What are the warning signs then that show up in adult children of narcissistic parents? Let's then take a look at that. Welcome back everyone to the School of Greatness. Very excited about our guest today. We have the inspiring Jerry Wise in the house. And a quick bio about Jerry. He's the leading expert in healing from family and relationship dysfunction through self differentiation. You've been doing this work for over 45 years. as a therapist and a coach, and you've helped thousands of people worldwide break free from dysfunctional family patterns and discover their true selves. And this could possibly be one of the most powerful conversations we have here. I'm not just saying that, even though we've done this show for 12 years, because in my mind, we've talked a lot about narcissism and relationships and narcissism, but we haven't covered if you have experienced life with a narcissistic parent and the clear signs of if your parents were narcissistic or on the spectrum in any ways and how that impacts you for everything in your life.
Lewis Howes 3:03
And so I'm curious if we could start, Jerry, with what are the clear signs that you could start reflecting and asking yourself if one of your parents were narcissistic in any way?

How can you identify if you were raised by narcissistic parents?

One of the things certainly that I found is that so many people grow up under the family trance. And so the family trance, they don't understand the dysfunction of their family because it's been normalized. And I've used the term malignant normalcy. Because then if I grew up abused and I'm in an abusive relationship, I've normalized the abuse as not something I like, but I will accept or it's kind of normal. But that's a malignant normalcy. That's not a normalcy you want to have. And so when people, when I think about helping people see, and really that's what my work is about, is to help people see outside the box and to see in a broader way so much of all the dynamics that are going on within the family. And if you have a narcissistic family, or there's all kinds of other dysfunctional families too, There are some universals that go along with that.
But when you say a narcissistic family, I think when you start to recognize, hey, they've always been controlling. They lack empathy. They guilt and shame. They could be abusive, but they don't have to be abusive to be narcissistic. they love you and they have a plan for your life. And I say love with air quotes.

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