Pleasing Everyone Makes People Respect You Less | Lewis Howes
episodePreviously titled “How to STOP Letting People Walk All Over You (5 Real Strategies)” — renamed by the publisher on Sep 2, 2026
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What is the main topic discussed in this episode?
Welcome back, my friend, to the School of Greatness. My name is Lewis Howes. And if you are sick and tired of letting people walk all over you and feeling disrespected, then this is for you.
What painful truth does Lewis share about people-pleasing?
And you know why people walk all over you? Well, it's not because they're stronger than you. It's because you haven't set the rules. The rules matter. And here's the truth. Respect doesn't come from being liked. It comes from showing people how to treat you. That's right. And I used to get this wrong all the time. I used to love everyone to like me and be happy with me all the time. And that's where I failed every day. I thought if I say yes to everyone, if I helped everyone constantly, and if I avoided conflict And if I kept everyone happy and keep the peace around me, then I would earn their respect. But unfortunately, the opposite happened to me. The more I tried to please people, the more I tried to make everyone happy, the more I tried to get everyone to like me and be their friend, the less people valued me.
So what changed? Well, I built habits that protected my boundaries. And the moment I did, people started treating me differently. In this episode, I'm gonna be sharing the five strategies that helped me stop being walked on and will help you earn real respect also. And again, if you feel like you are sick and tired of not feeling peace with the people around you, it's probably because you try to make everyone like you, love you, respect you, but you've been doing it the wrong way. And the first strategy to this process is to own your no. Own your no. Most people are afraid of saying no, but this is what you need to step into. If you can't say no, your yes means nothing. Now, boundaries aren't walls to keep people out.
They're gates to protect what matters most. And the difference between successful people and really successful people is that really successful people say no to almost everything. I love this quote from Warren Buffett. And I used to think saying no would make a lot of people dislike me. So for years, all I would do is just say yes to everyone. If they asked me for a favor, yes, what do you need? If they asked me to give them endorsement on something, yes, I'll do it. If they asked me to promote them, sure, I got you. Whatever it was, I'd say yes to someone else. Whenever I did that, I was saying no to myself, especially if it was distracting me or pulling me away constantly from taking action on the things that I needed to be doing in that moment.
And the moment I started practicing no, with clarity and kindness, people started respecting me differently. Now, I didn't always get people to like that. You know, right when you start creating boundaries, especially if you've been a people pleaser your entire life, let me know if that's been you. If you've ever been a people pleaser and you start creating boundaries, it rubs people the wrong way. People don't like it. Some people will respect it, but some people get really frustrated with you. And this is a test. This is a test for you to say, okay, I ruffled some feathers. People started saying things about me that I've changed. And you have to see if you're willing to step forward and own your power and be okay with the mess of people not liking you for people to respect you.
But it's very uncomfortable when you first start practicing it. That's why it takes time. It takes reps. It takes consistency to develop that respect muscle by saying no to people. And again, I said with kindness and clarity. I didn't say be a jerk. I didn't say, you know, put people down to get them to respect you. kindness and clarity. You can say, no, this doesn't work for me right now. And maybe in the future, feel free to reach out. But that's what we need to be doing. And I want you to pick one request today that you would normally say yes to out of guilt and instead say, I appreciate you thinking of me, but I can't take that on right now. Ooh. Watch what happens. Watch what happens. Someone that's going to reach out to you today to ask you for money.
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Chapters
4 chaptersSpeakers
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