The School of Greatness
Stanford Psychologist: The #1 Psychological Skill To Master The Art of Influence & Transform Your Relationships
21 May 2025
Chapter 1: What is the #1 psychological skill for deeper connections?
Well, Caroline, it's clear. I guess this is done. I guess we're not working together anymore. Me saying, I'm sorry, what happened? I emailed you yesterday. You didn't respond? Didn't respond to me? Oh, I'm so sorry. I had so many... Immediately I'm getting defensive, right? I am so sorry. I had so many... You know that I self-harm.
Wow.
You don't care. You don't care. You think this is fun. You think this is fun. Just really kind of... Wow.
Ramping it up. Taking it to a whole nother level. It's like a different world in their mind, right?
It is. And in my heart, I'm feeling responsible for... For what's going on.
For them harming themselves mentally, potentially physically. Wow.
And then like, I need to get this under control. So it's that type of, those types of situations. And if these skills work in those situations... Their potential when the stakes are much lower and folks are much more rational is significantly bigger.
Yeah. When someone's more receptive.
Exactly.
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Chapter 2: How can validation transform relationships?
I mean... If that's the real world, maybe with a patient who's personality disorder, but
No, because I am seeing like that's their world. That's their perspective. I do see that. I'm not saying anything I don't believe. Now, here's the thing. It's acceptance and change, not acceptance or change. They are two sides of the same coin. So I can validate. And then once there's once I see that that has resonated, I switch gears. OK, but let's look at this for a second.
If you keep responding to people in this way when they miss a message from you, I'm worried you're going to start burning people out. Because the other thing I felt just now was attacked and scared and not in a good way. All right.
Is there anything we could have done, do you think, that could have brought down the intensity just a little bit so you could give me that message but not, you know, make me want to hide under the couch?
Wow.
So that's it. That's that combination. You see how I'm going from validation to change.
Interesting.
Right.
Okay. But you said attending was the first step in the ladder, right?
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