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The School of Greatness

Stanford Psychologist: The #1 Psychological Skill To Master The Art of Influence & Transform Your Relationships

21 May 2025

Transcription

Chapter 1: What is the #1 psychological skill for deeper connections?

1039.496 - 1060.457 Dr. Caroline Fleck

Well, Caroline, it's clear. I guess this is done. I guess we're not working together anymore. Me saying, I'm sorry, what happened? I emailed you yesterday. You didn't respond? Didn't respond to me? Oh, I'm so sorry. I had so many... Immediately I'm getting defensive, right? I am so sorry. I had so many... You know that I self-harm.

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1061.538 - 1061.938 Lewis Howes

Wow.

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1061.978 - 1069.802 Dr. Caroline Fleck

You don't care. You don't care. You think this is fun. You think this is fun. Just really kind of... Wow.

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1070.022 - 1074.064 Unidentified Speaker (Brief Interjection)

Ramping it up. Taking it to a whole nother level. It's like a different world in their mind, right?

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1074.244 - 1079.507 Dr. Caroline Fleck

It is. And in my heart, I'm feeling responsible for... For what's going on.

1079.527 - 1083.132 Unidentified Speaker (Brief Interjection)

For them harming themselves mentally, potentially physically. Wow.

1083.192 - 1101.578 Dr. Caroline Fleck

And then like, I need to get this under control. So it's that type of, those types of situations. And if these skills work in those situations... Their potential when the stakes are much lower and folks are much more rational is significantly bigger.

1101.598 - 1102.899 Unidentified Speaker (Brief Interjection)

Yeah. When someone's more receptive.

1103.24 - 1103.48 Dr. Caroline Fleck

Exactly.

Chapter 2: How can validation transform relationships?

1188.7 - 1194.831 Unidentified Speaker (Brief Interjection)

I mean... If that's the real world, maybe with a patient who's personality disorder, but

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1195.66 - 1223.867 Dr. Caroline Fleck

No, because I am seeing like that's their world. That's their perspective. I do see that. I'm not saying anything I don't believe. Now, here's the thing. It's acceptance and change, not acceptance or change. They are two sides of the same coin. So I can validate. And then once there's once I see that that has resonated, I switch gears. OK, but let's look at this for a second.

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1224.941 - 1243.311 Dr. Caroline Fleck

If you keep responding to people in this way when they miss a message from you, I'm worried you're going to start burning people out. Because the other thing I felt just now was attacked and scared and not in a good way. All right.

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1244.112 - 1254.995 Dr. Caroline Fleck

Is there anything we could have done, do you think, that could have brought down the intensity just a little bit so you could give me that message but not, you know, make me want to hide under the couch?

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1255.015 - 1255.075 Lewis Howes

Wow.

1255.695 - 1260.237 Dr. Caroline Fleck

So that's it. That's that combination. You see how I'm going from validation to change.

1260.617 - 1261.077 Unidentified Speaker (Brief Interjection)

Interesting.

1261.097 - 1261.317 Dr. Caroline Fleck

Right.

1261.657 - 1265.539 Unidentified Speaker (Brief Interjection)

Okay. But you said attending was the first step in the ladder, right?

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