If you’ve ever wondered why certain relationships feel so hard or why you’ve spent a lifetime craving a kind of love you can’t quite name, this special Mother’s Day edition will give you language for what you’ve lived. Tamsen sits down with licensed professional counselor and bestselling author Kelly McDaniel to talk about Mother Hunger, a term she coined to describe the deep, often hidden longing many women carry from not getting the love, protection, or guidance they needed as daughters. They talk about: - Why so many women struggle with emotional eating, self-worth, and romantic patterns—and how it ties back to early attachment - What “mother hunger” really means, and why most women don’t recognize it until midlife - How your earliest experiences shape your relationships, your body image, and your ability to trust - The emotional cost of caring for a mother who couldn’t care for you - What it means to crave love that feels safe, steady, and nourishing - How to begin healing, even if your mother is gone, unavailable, or unwilling - Why midlife is often the moment women finally face the grief they’ve been carrying for decades - How unresolved mother hunger can show up in love, sex, food, and friendships and what to do about it - Whether forgiveness is necessary in order to move on and what to do if an apology never comes This episode is for every woman who has ever said “I’m fine” when she wasn’t and is finally ready to tell herself the truth. Watch the Full Episode Here: https://www.youtube.com/@TamsenFadalTV Get my new book, How To Menopause, Take Charge of Your Health, Reclaim Your Life and Feel Even Better Than Before 💖 http://www.howtomenopause.com Follow The Tamsen Show: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thetamsenshow/ Follow Tamsen Fadal: Website: https://www.tamsenfadal.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/tamsenfadal Tik Tok: https://www.tiktok.com/@tamsenfadal You can find Kelly Here: https://kellymcdanieltherapy.com/ Medical Disclaimer: The information provided in this podcast is for educational and informational purposes only and is not intended as medical advice. Always consult with a qualified healthcare professional regarding any medical concerns or treatment options. The views expressed by guests are their own and do not necessarily reflect those of The Tamsen Show. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Chapter 1: Who are the speakers and what is the episode about?
So does that mother hunger though go right into eating disorder or food relationships or different types of relationships with food? What is that correlation?
Whenever I work with women, whether they're healing their relationship with their body and food or with lovers and friends, the root is mother hunger. Was mich überrascht hat, war, dass nichts in meinem klinischen Training mich dafür vorbereitet hat. Es wurde nicht diskutiert. Die Primitivität der frühen Verbindung wurde nicht angeschaut. Ich musste also andere Wege finden, mich zu trainieren.
Eine der anthropologischen Autoren, von der ich wirklich viel gelernt habe, war Helen Fisher, Dr. Helen Fisher. Sie spricht darüber, wie wenn wir in Liebe fallen, ist es eine temporäre Verrücktheit. Wir verlieren unsere Gedanken. Und das ist universal, weil es so viel Dopamin gibt, wenn wir in Liebe fallen. Und wir brauchen diese Dopamin, um gut zu fühlen.
They did brain scans on the brain in love and noticed that the same parts of the brain light up with love as cocaine. And so when you think about how primary this need for love is, if it's not getting met in a healthy way, we're going to find a substitute. We have to. And a lot of times the first substitute we have access to before the high that comes from cocaine or alcohol or work is food.
Aber es macht total Sinn. Lass uns über die verschiedenen Typen von Liebe sprechen, denn ich weiß, dass du schon über toxische Liebe gesprochen hast, über gesundheitliche Liebe. Es gibt viele verschiedene Typen, die aus diesem Thema herauskommen. Stammt das alles von deiner Mutter? Nun, schauen wir wieder einmal auf das Wort Mutter.
Wenn wir darüber nachdenken, was eine Mutter tut, war ich mir nicht sicher, wann ich dieses Buch schreiben würde. Ich habe Mütterhunger in meinem Büro gesehen. Ich hatte es genannt. Ich wusste nicht, wie man es operationalisieren oder darüber schreiben würde. Also habe ich in der Diktatur geschaut, was die Definition von Muttering ist.
Und es sagte, dass man für jemanden kümmern würde, wie eine Mutter kümmern würde. Wie ist das hilfreich? Also ich denke, es gibt hier kulturell einen wirklichen Blindspot über die Primitivität der Mutter-Kind-Diade. Wie wichtig das ist. Mit dem gesagt, jeder Junge, der die Zeit hat, die Willung zu ernähren, zu schützen und das Kind zu bewegen, kann das tun.
Es muss nicht die biologische Mutter sein, sondern es muss eine Primärattachment-Figur sein, die die meiste Zeit mit diesem Kind verwendet, um eine sichere Attachment zu schaffen. Also, obwohl wir Mütterhunger sagen, denke ich gerne an die Mütter in Bezug auf diese drei Dinge. Wenn wir eine Mutter brauchen, brauchen wir Nahrung. Wenn wir eine Mutter brauchen, brauchen wir Schutz.
Und wir brauchen Behandlung.
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Chapter 2: What is Mother Hunger and how did Kelly McDaniel discover it?
Oh, I'm good. I've had a lot of therapy.
Me too. 30 years actually. Kelly, where can we find you? I'm on Instagram at Kelly McDaniel Therapy. And you can go to my website, also kellymcdanieltherapy.com, where you'll find out if I'm doing any speaking or sending out a newsletter. Kelly, thank you so much. It was good having you, really. Such a pleasure to be here. And thank you so much for your powerful work on menopause.
If something in this conversation hit home, you are not alone. Love addiction, emotional eating, toxic relationships, they're not personal failures. They're survival responses to unmet needs. The good news, you can rewrite your story at any age. If this conversation moved you like it did me, please leave a five-star review and share this episode with a friend.
You can subscribe to my YouTube channel for more honest conversations every week. And thanks so much for being with us. I'll see you next time on The Tamsen Show. The Tamsen Show is an original production by Authentic Wave. Executive Producers Scott Weinberger, Kevin Bennett and Rebecca Grierson. Brand Director Johanna Ofsnick. Our line producer is Sabrina Saray.
Editing by Zach Smith and Marquis Harris.
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