Tamsen
Appearances
The Tamsen Show
Healing the Grief, the Love, and the Silence Around Your Mother
So does that mother hunger though go right into eating disorder or food relationships or different types of relationships with food? What is that correlation?
The Tamsen Show
Healing the Grief, the Love, and the Silence Around Your Mother
Aber es macht total Sinn. Lass uns über die verschiedenen Typen von Liebe sprechen, denn ich weiß, dass du schon über toxische Liebe gesprochen hast, über gesundheitliche Liebe. Es gibt viele verschiedene Typen, die aus diesem Thema herauskommen. Stammt das alles von deiner Mutter? Nun, schauen wir wieder einmal auf das Wort Mutter.
The Tamsen Show
Healing the Grief, the Love, and the Silence Around Your Mother
Danke, dass ich da bin. Es ist wundervoll, hier zu sein.
The Tamsen Show
Healing the Grief, the Love, and the Silence Around Your Mother
There are women that are not yet grieving the lack of a mother. Do you notice that it comes up years later? I mean, I find myself oftentimes when I said, oh, my mom's not alive. Someone will say, I'm sorry. And I go, it's okay. I don't even want to talk about it. Not because I don't want to make them uncomfortable. Not because I don't want to make them uncomfortable.
The Tamsen Show
Healing the Grief, the Love, and the Silence Around Your Mother
I don't know if that's a form of grief. I don't know if that's a form of us protecting somebody else. But can we talk a little bit about grief and I don't think that just ends in the first three years of loss, whatever type of loss it is.
The Tamsen Show
Healing the Grief, the Love, and the Silence Around Your Mother
Why do you think you weren't taught that?
The Tamsen Show
Healing the Grief, the Love, and the Silence Around Your Mother
Es ist interessant, dass du das sagst, dass Menschen, die versuchen, es herauszufinden, weil ich fühle, dass das so ist, wie es in der Zwischenzeit ist. Ich fühle, dass es nicht mehr so ist, wie es für Frauen ist. Und ich frage mich, ob du eine Mutter hast oder nicht, wie die Zwischenzeit in der zweiten Hälfte von dieser Beziehung mit der Mutter definiert wird.
The Tamsen Show
Healing the Grief, the Love, and the Silence Around Your Mother
Ob du deine Mutter anschaust und sie durch bestimmte Dinge sehen, als sie älter geworden sind, oder wie wir in der zweiten Hälfte leben werden, wird wahrscheinlich sehr anders sein als wie unsere Großmütter lebte, weil wir Longevity haben werden. Wir werden wahrscheinlich in vielen Fällen eine bessere Gesundheit haben, weil wir darauf aufmerksam sind.
The Tamsen Show
Healing the Grief, the Love, and the Silence Around Your Mother
Aber ich frage mich einfach, was diese Beziehungen in der Vergangenheit für uns im nächsten Kapitel tun werden. Was für eine kraftvolle Frage.
The Tamsen Show
Healing the Grief, the Love, and the Silence Around Your Mother
Warum denkst du, dass wir das als Frauen haben? Warum denkst du, dass es diese Schämtheit gibt, wenn es um irgendeinen Art von Schmerzen geht oder die Ermittlung von Schmerzen?
The Tamsen Show
Healing the Grief, the Love, and the Silence Around Your Mother
Yeah, there's no question about that. It's interesting you brought up menopause, because the number one statement I constantly get is, my mother never talked to me about this.
The Tamsen Show
Healing the Grief, the Love, and the Silence Around Your Mother
Every time. No one says, my dad never told me about menopause. They say, my mother never told me about this. So I do think there's a lot of looking back during this time in life, about trying to understand why, feeling a little... Let down by that. Even though it's not your mom's fault or any other female figure, I do think there's a little bit of that disappointment there.
The Tamsen Show
Healing the Grief, the Love, and the Silence Around Your Mother
Ja, wenn die Mutter da ist, präsent, bereit, darüber zu sprechen, offen zu sprechen.
The Tamsen Show
Healing the Grief, the Love, and the Silence Around Your Mother
I'm curious, you know, we get to this age in midlife where we're oftentimes either taking care of parents. Now the daughter is mothering. We're getting back out there on the dating scene sometimes if someone's gone through a divorce or widowed or starting over again. So I want to hit those two areas.
The Tamsen Show
Healing the Grief, the Love, and the Silence Around Your Mother
First, I want to talk about the daughter, you know, mothering elderly parents, because I think that's a topic that keeps coming up over and over. And there's a lot of Und ich höre wieder und wieder...
The Tamsen Show
Healing the Grief, the Love, and the Silence Around Your Mother
Was tust du, wenn du eine dieser Frauen bist, die sich mit diesem Thema beschäftigen oder diese Art von Schmerzen fühlen?
The Tamsen Show
Healing the Grief, the Love, and the Silence Around Your Mother
Ja, es kommt immer wieder auf. Lass uns über Frauen reden, die wieder verabschieden werden. Denn ich glaube, dass wir das sehen. Ich denke, es kann ein Zeitpunkt sein, in dem du entweder langfristige Beziehungen für die zweite Hälfte suchst, aber es gibt viele von diesen Dingen, die von Mutterhunger übrig geblieben sind.
The Tamsen Show
Healing the Grief, the Love, and the Silence Around Your Mother
Sure. All right, Mother's Day. I want to discuss this one because this is one of those ones where after my mother died, I avoided malls. I didn't want to talk about it. I completely shut that off. It can be really triggering for women, whether your mother's here or not, just depending on the relationship.
The Tamsen Show
Healing the Grief, the Love, and the Silence Around Your Mother
Advice you have to kind of emotionally protect yourself or at least care for yourself during these times?
The Tamsen Show
Healing the Grief, the Love, and the Silence Around Your Mother
Yeah, I agree. It's funny. I don't know whether the advice is to ignore social media or to just be, I mean, you know, you don't want to go around ignoring everything, but I think that's a tough, really a tough day. I have figured out like my own methodology of dealing with it, which I just move on and that's it.
The Tamsen Show
Healing the Grief, the Love, and the Silence Around Your Mother
And I don't know if that's good or bad or denial, but I have noticed those warnings now or people identifying mothers in different ways. They'll say like, you know, somebody who is like a mother to me, somebody who Es muss nicht jemand sein, der dich biologisch betreut hat.
The Tamsen Show
Healing the Grief, the Love, and the Silence Around Your Mother
So do we need to forgive our mothers in order to find healthy love?
The Tamsen Show
Healing the Grief, the Love, and the Silence Around Your Mother
Wow. It's interesting that it's relationships and food. Like I get relationships and I think the food part surprised me, but didn't surprise me. So let's start at the beginning and define what is mother hunger?
The Tamsen Show
Healing the Grief, the Love, and the Silence Around Your Mother
If somebody is dealing with food as a result of things and emotional eating, are there some tips that you can give us to help somebody who may say, I'm an emotional eater?
The Tamsen Show
Healing the Grief, the Love, and the Silence Around Your Mother
The hypothetical daughter, would you feed her the way you're eating? What is the most important thing for women to take away from this? I think that we struggle during this time with a lot of different things. Ja, genau. Ein paar Dinge möchte ich sagen. Ich möchte Angst validieren.
The Tamsen Show
Healing the Grief, the Love, and the Silence Around Your Mother
If you don't have that, what do you do? Do you look for other people that can fill that role? I mean, I'm sure you fill that role for a lot of your people that come to see you. And I'm sure that's not easy, but I'm sure you do.
The Tamsen Show
Healing the Grief, the Love, and the Silence Around Your Mother
Ist das der einzige Weg, das zu tun, an diesem Punkt? Weil ich denke, dass Leute von Beziehung zu Beziehung springen, um das Verlangen zu füllen.
The Tamsen Show
Healing the Grief, the Love, and the Silence Around Your Mother
Ist das toxische Liebe? Ist das wirklich so, oder wie definierst du das als nur unheilige Beziehungen?
The Tamsen Show
Healing the Grief, the Love, and the Silence Around Your Mother
It's mother to daughter, but what about mother and son? Is that a different kind of relationship?
The Tamsen Show
Healing the Grief, the Love, and the Silence Around Your Mother
Got it. So you're still chasing the high. That's right. You're constantly chasing the high. That's right. Advice you would give to your younger self as we wrap up right now? There's a lot of young women that listen. And, you know, I think that younger women are learning a lot from social media for its good and its bad about how to take care of themselves and learning how to nurture a little bit.
The Tamsen Show
Healing the Grief, the Love, and the Silence Around Your Mother
But do you have any advice for young women that might be listening to this and struggling with mother hunger?
The Tamsen Show
Healing the Grief, the Love, and the Silence Around Your Mother
You're so lovely. Well, you are too.
The Tamsen Show
Healing the Grief, the Love, and the Silence Around Your Mother
Oh, I'm good. I've had a lot of therapy.
The Tamsen Show
Healing the Grief, the Love, and the Silence Around Your Mother
If something in this conversation hit home, you are not alone. Love addiction, emotional eating, toxic relationships, they're not personal failures. They're survival responses to unmet needs. The good news, you can rewrite your story at any age. If this conversation moved you like it did me, please leave a five-star review and share this episode with a friend.
The Tamsen Show
Healing the Grief, the Love, and the Silence Around Your Mother
You can subscribe to my YouTube channel for more honest conversations every week. And thanks so much for being with us. I'll see you next time on The Tamsen Show. The Tamsen Show is an original production by Authentic Wave. Executive Producers Scott Weinberger, Kevin Bennett and Rebecca Grierson. Brand Director Johanna Ofsnick. Our line producer is Sabrina Saray.
The Tamsen Show
Healing the Grief, the Love, and the Silence Around Your Mother
Editing by Zach Smith and Marquis Harris.
The Tamsen Show
Healing the Grief, the Love, and the Silence Around Your Mother
horrible grief, obviously. And I always wondered if relationships were based off of that. But now as I go forward at 54 years old, I think about her more and differently. So that's why I was so excited to have you on here to talk about this, because I feel like there's so many different layers that I've seen through the different decades that I've been around. Is that normal? So normal.
The Tamsen Show
Healing the Grief, the Love, and the Silence Around Your Mother
So where does that show up later in life or how does that start showing up, especially in the, I guess, any time, but in your 20s, 30s, 40s and keep going? It's different in each one of those decades?
The Tamsen Show
Healing the Grief, the Love, and the Silence Around Your Mother
I lost my mom when I was 20 years old and it really shaped everything. How I love, how I cope, how I show up in relationships. But even if your mom is still here, the relationship might be complicated. Maybe she wasn't emotionally available. Maybe you were close, but maybe you've always felt a gap you just couldn't name. Today's conversation is for anybody who's ever felt that ache.
The Tamsen Show
Healing the Grief, the Love, and the Silence Around Your Mother
Was sind einige der Gründe, wie Sie Frauen sehen? Ich weiß, dass wir hier etwas generalisieren, aber wenn eine Frau eine Mutter verloren hat, oder sie nicht nahe einer Mutter ist, oder sie seltsam ist, wie zeigt sich das in einer Beziehung? Ist das in einer Beziehung, in romantischen Beziehungen, oder in allen Beziehungen, die wir sprechen? Es kann alle Beziehungen beeinflussen.
The Tamsen Show
Healing the Grief, the Love, and the Silence Around Your Mother
Verstanden. Diejenigen, die das tun, was sind diese verschiedenen Verbindungen, wenn wir jeden von ihnen ausbrechen? Richtig.
The Tamsen Show
Healing the Grief, the Love, and the Silence Around Your Mother
Because what we didn't get in childhood often shows up in our adult relationships.
The Tamsen Show
Healing the Grief, the Love, and the Silence Around Your Mother
If somebody is listening to this right now and they're trying to figure out whether or not this is something that they're dealing with. Obviously, if you've lost a mother, that's a little more obvious. If you have a mother here... But you might not have that closeness, but you don't know exactly, you know, if you fall into one of these categories, how do you identify that in yourself?
The Tamsen Show
Healing the Grief, the Love, and the Silence Around Your Mother
My guest today is Kelly McDaniel, therapist and author of the book Mother Hunger.
The Tamsen Show
Healing the Grief, the Love, and the Silence Around Your Mother
So let's talk about the two areas. It can go into relationships, it can go into food. Relationships with regard to partners, what kind of relationships would you find that person unavailable is one type of attachment, right?
The Tamsen Show
Healing the Grief, the Love, and the Silence Around Your Mother
She's here to help us understand how our earliest bonds shape our patterns in love and how to finally break free from what's been holding us back.
The Tamsen Show
Healing the Grief, the Love, and the Silence Around Your Mother
Und dann, wie das mit dem Essen zusammenhängt und warum es mit dem Essen zusammenhängt, wenn es um andere geht.