Transform Your Life and Relationships This Black Friday! Get 14 Days Free Inside the Personal Development School’s All-Access Pass — including 65+ courses, live webinars, and a thriving global community: https://attachment.personaldevelopmentschool.com/black-friday?utm_source=podcast&utm_campaign=black-friday&utm_medium=organic&utm_content=pod-11-10-25&el=podcast When someone you love suddenly shuts down and says “I’m fine,” it can be confusing, painful, and triggering — especially if you know something’s off. In this episode, Thais Gibson and Mike de Zio dive deep into what’s really happening when a dismissive avoidant (DA) or fearful avoidant (FA) pulls away. They explore how shutting down is rarely about spite or indifference — it’s a subconscious protection strategy. Through personal stories and actionable steps, Thais and Mike explain how to understand these patterns, respond without pushing your partner away, and create safety for honest reconnection. 💡 You’ll Learn: Why dismissive and fearful avoidants withdraw when they’re hurt The 6 key steps to reconnect without triggering defensiveness How to validate your partner’s needs without abandoning your own What to say (and not say) when they need space How to rebuild communication, empathy, and safety in conflict Why clearly expressing your needs is a vital part of healing 🕓 Episode Breakdown: 00:00 – Intro: Why avoidants “shut down” during conflict 03:00 – Understanding Avoidant Protection Mechanisms 06:10 – Thais’ Past Experience as a Fearful Avoidant 07:45 – Why Avoidants Retreat When Hurt 09:03 – Emotional Safety vs. Pressure in Relationships 11:00 – How to Support a Dismissive Avoidant Without Overstepping 13:05 – The Power of Asking Gentle Questions 16:12 – How Opposite Needs Create Miscommunication 19:00 – Is It Okay to Sleep on an Argument? 21:15 – Reassurance, Timing, and the Hybrid Approach 22:30 – Step 1: Approach Them With Sensitivity 24:45 – Step 2: Offer Support Without Pressure 27:00 – Step 3: “Timebox” the Conversation 30:19 – Step 4: How to Reconnect When They’re Ready 33:10 – Step 5: Communicate Needs Clearly & Calmly 36:00 – Step 6: Take Your Own Needs Into Account 38:00 – Why Communicating Your Needs Builds Emotional Safety 41:00 – Healthy Conflict vs. Avoidance 44:30 – How Validation and Compromise Foster Secure Attachment 46:00 – Final Reflections: Reconnecting After Withdrawal Key Takeaway: Avoidants don’t shut you out because they don’t care — they do it because vulnerability feels unsafe. The more you understand their patterns and communicate your own needs clearly, the faster you both can reconnect from a place of empathy, not defense. 🎙️ Meet Your Host Thais Gibson is the founder of The Personal Development School and creator of the Integrated Attachment Theory™. With a Ph.D. and over 70,000 students worldwide, she’s a global expert in attachment healing, subconscious reprogramming, and emotional intelligence. 📚 Helpful Resources: 🧠 Take the Free Attachment Style Quiz https://attachment.personaldevelopmentschool.com/?utm_source=podcast&utm_campaign=attachment-quiz&utm_medium=organic&el=podcast 📘 Read Learning Love by Thais Gibson https://attachment.personaldevelopmentschool.com/learning-love 🎧 More Podcast Episodes https://attachment.personaldevelopmentschool.com/podcast?page=1 📝 Read the PDS Blog https://blog.personaldevelopmentschool.com/ 📱 Connect with Us: 📸 Instagram: @thepersonaldevelopmentschool 📘 Facebook: The Personal Development School 🎵 TikTok: @thaisgibson 💼 LinkedIn: The Personal Development School ▶️ YouTube: The Personal Development School #DismissiveAvoidant #FearfulAvoidant #AttachmentStyles #ThaisGibson #AttachmentHealing #EmotionalSafety #ConflictResolution #RelationshipCommunication #SecureAttachment #SubconsciousHealing Remember: Silence doesn’t always mean disinterest — sometimes, it’s protection. Learn how to bridge the gap with compassion and clarity. 💗

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“What did the council decide on item 42?” — answered with the speaker and the moment.

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