E177 | Why You Must Deal With Self-Hate
episode
The Thinking Mind: Mental Health & Personal Growth
24 min
1 speaker
8 chapters
transcribed 1 month ago
Transcript
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Transcript generated automatically by AI and may contain errors.
What is self‑esteem and why does it affect every area of life?
Question isn't, you know, what aspects of life does self-esteem affect. But what aspects of life doesn't self-esteem affect you? It affects everything. Because if you have problems with self-esteem and self-hate, you're not going to make decisions in your best interest. The less you invest in your real self, the more that withers away. The more you invest in this persona, or what you could also call this more neurotic self, or this shield, this vehicle you use to ride around through life, the stronger that becomes. Discuss how to think about healthy self-esteem in a balanced way and how you can move towards that practical steps you can make towards more healthy self-esteem. Today we're gonna be talking about self loathing, self hate, self criticism and self esteem.
I'm gonna be making the argument that these things are very, very important to understand, not because they impact whether you feel good or whether you feel bad. You know, that's often how these things are talked about on the internet. I want to feel good about myself, not bad about myself. Yes, that is a part of it. But also these things can really impact the material quality of our life. Self-hate, if you have poor self-esteem, can impact your work situation, your relationships, the kind of life you have, very much the material quality of your life. I think often these concepts are misunderstood. And you can tell that when you look in the self help section of a bookstore, you can see how to some degree these concepts have been caricatured or made into certain extremes in quite a polarizing way and not always discussed in a very helpful way.
Today we're gonna answer. Unpack these concepts a little bit, talk about the positive feedback loop that develops as self-hate becomes more intense. It can develop into a self-fulfilling cycle that gets worse and worse with time and with age. We're gonna talk about the more and less obvious ways that problems with self-esteem manifests. And we're gonna talk about red flags that might suggest someone has problems with their self-esteem. We're gonna discuss how to think about healthy self-esteem in a balanced way and how you can move towards that practical steps you can make towards more healthy self-esteem. So firstly, why do people have problems with self criticism and self hate? It's it's quite an odd thing if you think about it.
We're complex biological creatures, we have instincts towards self preservation. And towards hopefully making our lives better and more successful, there's like a biological imperative that you could say, why, in fact, is it so common to have problems with self-criticism and self-hate? I think the truth is we're actually quite complex creatures, aren't we, human beings? There's many different facets to ourselves. One thing that's quite common is to discover, to share, you know, with other people what's true to you and what you care about. about is actually quite exposing. It's quite a vulnerable thing. Children do it naturally, so children will often be very, very freely expressive, they'll have no problems free associating, they're happy to talk about what they like and what they don't like pretty endlessly.
But children have to go through this process of becoming civilized by their parents.
How does self‑hate develop into a self‑fulfilling negative feedback loop?
So this is something Freud talked about. One of the great pressures of life is you start off kind of innocent, not particularly trying to fit in, and then you encounter all these civilizing forces like your parents first and foremost, or primary caregivers, school, work. And it's important that this happens so that people can learn how to get along in a society, but it's also quite a soul sucking process in some sense, to be crushing the first time a child is in a classroom and realizes if they say whatever's on their mind. it can be quite exposing. They may get criticized or they may get made fun of for that. Again, part of that is useful in that it helps people figure out how to get along with other people.
Part of that is not useful in that it can dull creative thinking.
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Chapters
8 chapters
1
What is self‑esteem and why does it affect every area of life?
0:00–3:14
2
How does self‑hate develop into a self‑fulfilling negative feedback loop?
3:14–6:15
3
What are the three main ways low self‑esteem shows up (aggressive, submissive, avoidant)?
6:15–10:03
4
Which red‑flag behaviours signal hidden self‑esteem problems?
10:03–13:56
5
What does healthy self‑esteem look like in relationships, work, and risk‑taking?
13:56–16:57
6
How can introspection help you discover your authentic interests and values?
16:57–19:39
7
What practical actions can you take to build a balanced relationship with yourself?
19:39–21:38
8
Why is the process of improving self‑esteem a slow, experimental journey?
21:38–24:48
Speakers
1 identifiedMore from The Thinking Mind: Mental Health & Personal Growth
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