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The Tony Kornheiser Show

“Call Amazon?”

01 May 2026

Transcription

Chapter 1: What basketball games did Tony discuss at the beginning?

0.031 - 20.488 Tony Kornheiser

Hey, it's Tony. On today's show, we will preview the Kentucky Derby with legendary horse racing expert Andy Beyer, and we'll talk to Josh Maurer, who started out as one of the first interns at PTI, the first intern at PTI, and now he's calling games for the Milwaukee Brewers, who are playing the Nats this weekend. But first, let's keep the sales weasels happy.

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20.508 - 23.153 Unknown

Previously on the Tony Kornheiser Show.

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24.314 - 25.635 Tony Kornheiser

What a delight to have you on.

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25.836 - 41.594 Unknown

Thank you, Brian. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you, Tony. I hope you enjoy some wonderful basketball. And I think it would be great on the 1 a.m. SportsCenter tonight, you and Will Bond giving your take on the games of the day.

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41.614 - 49.623 Tony Kornheiser

I would happily go on the 4 a.m. SportsCenter because I'm up.

49.643 - 51.705 Unknown

The Tony Kornheiser Show is on now.

51.82 - 78.565 Tony Kornheiser

Now. As Jason Blazer writes from Orion or Orion, Michigan. Ah, the heralded 4 a.m. sports center where champions come to watch clips. Yeah, 4 a.m. SportsCenter. I am up. Wubon is up, too. Well, he's still up. He's still up. Right. And he's getting ready for nine other things. So we have a guest in the studio. Chan is with us today. Very happy to have Chan. I put his headset on. He's ready to go.

78.845 - 85.033 Tony Kornheiser

Oh, yeah. Very excited. And we'll include him quickly after I do my rants. But you want to talk about Greg Garcia first?

85.013 - 96.516 Unknown

Oh, yeah, Greg's got some shows he's going to be at this weekend. He's going to be performing at the St. Charles Funny Bone in St. Louis, or St. Louis, as you might say, featuring for a guy named Julian McCullough.

Chapter 2: How does Tony feel about the NBA playoffs this year?

314.896 - 319.803 Tony Kornheiser

Abrams hit a home run late after meatball Michaelis gave up a 3-1 jolt.

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319.863 - 331.621 Unknown

Honestly, the home run is not the issue. It was the walk to Bobichette that I think was in 11 or 12 pitches, and he had a full count and tried to nibble with an off-speed pitch in the upper part of the zone and then led to a soda rocket of a single.

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331.961 - 343.382 Tony Kornheiser

Michaelis and Little or Littell, they're not major league pitchers right now. They should not be in the major leagues. Oh, they'd be great for batting practice. Their ERAs are like seven or eight.

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343.563 - 351.44 Unknown

Yeah, I think Nicholas is eight to seven or something. I'm glad you got to see what I would consider the play of the game, which was James Wood robbing a Juan Soto would-be home run.

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351.48 - 356.13 Tony Kornheiser

Yes, he robbed it. Timing the jump perfectly. Right where the defense splits. He said seven.

356.11 - 362.236 Unknown

If he's six feet tall, he can't get to that ball. Just nice symbolism just in terms of what that trade was for DC.

362.256 - 365.418 Tony Kornheiser

Yes, for Juan Soto, yeah. Juan Soto is a great hitter.

365.438 - 371.084 Unknown

Yeah, and a player who's trying to literally turn around a season for that team by himself and other people are helping.

371.104 - 388.169 Tony Kornheiser

I know there's a lot of money involved. I wonder if he thinks, boy, I may have made the wrong choice leaving the Yankees. I'm in the same city. If I liked the city, I could have been with the Yankees. The Yankees are better, but they have Aaron Judge. And Juan Soto's never going to surpass Aaron Judge as long as Aaron Judge is playing.

Chapter 3: What are the highlights from the Nats' recent games?

747.897 - 764.532 Tony Kornheiser

I just want to talk to somebody about this. I've done what you've asked me to do, and now I cannot reach a person, a live body to ask a question. Is that? No. You can be critical. You were in education. I could sound like a dope.

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764.552 - 784.9 Unknown

He's a big auto pay guy. He doesn't check these bills. I was in education, and because of that, I use AutoPay everywhere. And that's what I should do. So no, they just deduct it. But how do you know they're not deducting more? Because you look at the bill every month. You still get the bill. I don't get a bill. You could have your information saved. How often do you check your checking account?

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785.881 - 790.087 Unknown

12 times a day. I check my account all the time. Well, then you'll see what they pull out of there for those things.

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790.247 - 799.419 Tony Kornheiser

Yeah, but I have to wait. Bring out the calculator. Oh, no, I don't do it that way. I sort of wait for the checking account. resume to come once a month. No, yeah, you don't go online for this.

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799.439 - 817.909 Unknown

I don't go online. That's not safe. You don't know how to go online. I don't know how to go online. Okay, we're talking about some issues. I don't know how to do anything. I think my favorite part about this is there's a sacred part of your day that is the prep time for PTI. And you just spend probably an hour during that time trying to figure out AT&T.

817.989 - 825.326 Tony Kornheiser

Trying to get to AT&T. It was just... This is ridiculous. It's ridiculous. I'll talk to somebody.

825.406 - 826.509 Unknown

I got to talk to AT&T.

826.529 - 847.73 Tony Kornheiser

Do you know how every company now, even like a local company, like seriously, even like your local lawn service. When you call- It's an automated. No, no, no, no. You get someone in Manila. Oh. No, you do. Everybody utilizes that because they're open 24 hours a day and everybody utilizes that. I don't usually like that. I have difficulty understanding them.

847.75 - 873.068 Tony Kornheiser

They have difficulty understanding me occasionally. Sometimes it works very well and they're always very polite. But I always have that reticence that they can actually help me because they're so far away. They're so far away. But I would talk to someone there from AT&T just to talk to a person just to say, how can this be? Just tell me what this extra charge is and why it exists.

Chapter 4: What challenges does Tony face with his AT&T bill?

988.231 - 991.898 Tony Kornheiser

How did you get so far ahead of me on all of these things?

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992.319 - 1001.236 Unknown

Well, you know, it's just, I decided, I listened to you talk about it all the time, figured I'm not going to go there. I'm going to figure new ways to do these things. Just awful. Facial recognition.

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1001.336 - 1010.09 Tony Kornheiser

Let's get out of here. Get your Apple Pay next. Well, wait a second. Well, what happens if you have plastic surgery? What happens then? I mean, does it change?

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1010.33 - 1013.753 Unknown

I might have to try that and see what happens. It could. It could.

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1014.174 - 1020.42 Tony Kornheiser

Do we have Andy or do we have Josh? Andy is next. Andy Beyer when we return, as we have Andy every year to pick the Kentucky Derby.

1020.44 - 1021.301 Chan

Chance taking notes.

1022.001 - 1022.942 Tony Kornheiser

Hmm? Chance taking notes.

1022.982 - 1023.102 Chan

Okay.

1023.122 - 1032.031 Tony Kornheiser

Well, yeah, well, Chan, because of Joe Drape, knows all about the horsies. Does. Yeah, as Wilbon would say. Andy Beyer when we return. I'm Tony Kornheiser.

Chapter 5: What insights does Andy Beyer provide about the Kentucky Derby?

3096.176 - 3116.12 Tony Kornheiser

I want to do that. I want to take that kind of loss. I don't want to try to write it off. I don't want to try to write that off. You know, try it. It's food for thought and food for the show. From John Rogness in Oronico, Minnesota. He buried, oh, on Chuck Todd, he buried the lead. What was the entree? Oh, he never told us what it was.

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3116.601 - 3133.821 Tony Kornheiser

Another one on Chuck Todd from Jason Edwards, Jason in Phoenix. I don't want to minimize what happened at the White House Correspondents Dinner. I understand how serious it is. But someone recognized Chuck Todd and didn't give him a hearty lechizerie. Come on, man. What are we doing? And from Jeff Heisen, Chuck and Roxy, number six. Well, top ten, Silver Spring, Maryland.

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3134.242 - 3141.938 Tony Kornheiser

If a horse is named the Cheesery, will it buy horseshoes at the Bass Outlet? That's funny. If you're out on your bike time, everyone, as always, do wear white.

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3142.118 - 3150.495 Unknown

It feels so good to be back here at the Death's Delay Club. We'd like to do for you now a tune entitled, Shama Lama Ding Dong. So hit it.

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3370.019 - 3458.616 Chan

I'm watching you burn Jesus is coming. Call back for more Oh God Will you do it again I won't

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