Chapter 1: What is discussed at the start of this section?
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Chapter 2: What are the benefits of starting your day with AG1?
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You said a few minutes ago, this person's like family, she's like kin. This call started with like, should I just be done with this friendship? She's your family. If you really feel that way about her, that she really is family, then that should change your calculus, how you view this situation. And you should have a little bit more long-term grace.
But this idea of like being done with her because you can't handle your expectations being disappointed, I think that that's more of a you thing than a her thing.
Yeah.
How's it going?
Good, thanks. My name's Olivia, and I'm 29, and I'm wondering if I should move to South Africa for my fiancé.
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Chapter 3: What are the challenges of moving to South Africa for love?
So we are in a pickle because we both get it. The only difference between your situation and mine is you know what it's like to live here and I don't know what it's like to live there. So I can't promise you how I'm going to feel Being halfway across the world and I don't know how I'm going to feel being away from my family for so long.
And I don't know how I'm going to feel having kids in South Africa without my parents, you know, and support system there. And I think more than anything, maybe articulating that, because that's kind of like, I don't know. And he knows a little bit more than you. And he might say, well, I know that I miss my family too. But he obviously has done this for five years.
He seems to have made a life here. He has met you. The idea of having to be here for a longer period of time, he has partly accepted that. When he proposed to you, And obviously I'm sure he was like, I wonder if I could get her back to South Africa. And he, obviously when he makes jokes, he makes jokes to your family, knowing there's a lot of pushback, but he's kind of testing the waters.
So, you know what I'm saying? Like he's, it's not like, it doesn't sound like he's, you know, either I'm going to make, I mean, you know, people can change their mind, but it doesn't sound like when he proposed to you, it was get her to, this is step one of get her to move to South Africa or we're going to break up.
Yeah, no.
so yeah i mean really it's just you guys sitting down and figuring out a compromise and with with knowing that if you decide to go out there you can't promise how it's going to affect you and having kids i mean obviously nally's mom was very present early in in river's life it's not like although she came and lived with us i mean granted she went from alabama to la it's not like
i'm sure your mom or your parent i mean you have a good relationship with your parents yeah i'm sure your mom would probably come out and stay you know for a period of time um yeah you know i i don't i mean you know i i think you just gotta have to keep talking about it but try to find the compromise uh yeah so wait why why just out of curiosity why if other than he's from south africa and he wants to be in south africa more if he were on this call
If he was trying to be as pragmatic as possible, feelings aside, why does it make more sense to summer in the States rather than South Africa?
I think, honestly, it's a gorgeous place. It is beautiful. He has a huge community there. I've made friends there through people he knows. And The school system is actually incredibly good. It's private school, but it's very different than America because it's just much cheaper there. And the private schools are very good. So the school system is good.
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Chapter 4: How can I better communicate my feelings about my friendship?
Very true. I guess I'm just more the anxiety that I get. Cause I know that if it were just us and we're never having kids, I know for a fact, like let's go try it out and it'd be fine. But knowing we'll have kids hopefully in the next couple of years and we're
rooting them in a school system I know I moved around a lot as a kid and it wasn't great I think I've always wanted like a very not that it wouldn't be stable but if we're moving back and forth and you know taking them out of their friend group and out of their community and sports and whatever I I think it just then gets very tricky to then make the move back if we did want to at some point.
Potentially. But that being said, I mean, I don't know what you mean by it wasn't good. I understand there are parts of it that you probably hated. You seemed it turned out.
And also it was a different situation. My parents are divorced, so it was like back and forth for that, which obviously is different than back and forth with your family. Yeah.
Listen, there's no easy way to make this decision and there's no way you can guarantee how either of you are going to feel. I think the biggest thing is it's really important you guys feel like a team and you feel supported. And other than you promising to someday move, you guys can't, you have to both acknowledge you can't promise how the other person
how each other is going to feel about these decisions. But you really have to have the mindset that wherever I am, as long as I'm with you, we'll be okay. And then do your best to try to like, just be sensitive to the other person's needs and do what you can to try to do that.
I mean, like at the end of the day, you're both gonna like, willing to bet that if you move there, you guys are gonna have to, you're gonna wanna visit a lot. More than you would probably have to visit the other way around. I don't know. Maybe not. I don't know. Maybe both. You know, you just get, get those freaking flyer miles, you know?
Yeah. Yeah.
But also like pretend, I mean, what an exciting life, you know?
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Chapter 5: What are the challenges of maintaining friendships as adults?
That was 10 years ago. I have my life. I have my relationship. We're all adults. Now we have a lot of things going on. My best friends that I spent every waking moment with, we text every once in a while.
And I think, again, the best way to communicate with her is just, she knows you, and it's way more digestible to just say, I miss our quality time, and I just wish I could have a little bit more of that quality time with you.
And then some of those other moments, if you can get back to the quality time, and the next time you experience her talking shit in a weird way about your friends after she has a few drinks, you can just say, can you try to stop doing that? Like, I don't know why you do that. It's a little hurtful to me and my friends. And I would...
don't deal with that like adding and and by the way you also do that you know like it's just like don't don't you know it's pick your battles but if you really truly feel like this person is family then treat them like family and get it out of your head that you're gonna fire her as a friend it's just different there's a different stage in this friendship she's only 36 you're only 31 and
You got a long life ahead of you both.
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Chapter 6: How can I communicate my feelings about quality time with friends?
And what matters more is that you're both in each other's lives when you're 60. And that's a lot of years. And there's going to be ups and downs. And family is family, you know?
yeah and that's what I want to make it about because all other little things like clearly I've gotten over them not gotten over them fully but like I've let them go because I'm still willing to obviously be her friend and I was her friend I just want to make it about the love and the friendship that I have for her and come at it from that angle and I'm hoping she's like oh my god me too and I'm like great happy family
Yeah, but who knows what she will say? And I think that's the important part is you really have to get out of your head and these expectations that you have. And as soon as you do something, you have immediate expectations. You have to try to let that go.
Chapter 7: What should I do if my friend seems to distance herself?
And you just have to roll with the punches of this relationship and accept that you are going to be frustrated at times and hurt and sad at times. And just let her come around.
I needed to hear that because I feel like I was like thinking to myself, I need to let it go a little bit while also just be accepting. But I just was like, no, I don't want to. I need to because it doesn't make sense that I feel that way about her than I do about my other friends that I feel like, like I said, like are friends. just as close, maybe even closer.
And then stop playing games with yourself, which is like, well, I don't know. I haven't talked in a month and a half of what's going on. I don't even know if she's okay. I mean, you know she's probably okay, you know?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Right? And it's stuff like that where you're kind of, you're just making, you're catastrophizing things that you know you probably don't need to catastrophize about things. And that just probably comes from your hurt and your frustration. It does. But yeah, just try not to do that. I really think next step is to send her a text that says, I love you and I miss you.
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Chapter 8: How do I navigate expectations in a relationship?
And I'd love to get together sometime. Put it out there. Just stop waiting on her. You know, the thing where, oh, I'm not going to do anything. And if she loves me, she'll reach out to me. And if I'm really important to her, she'll do this. And it says, if she cares, you are in your head, like making a list of all the things she needs to do to prove to you that you matter.
Mm-hmm.
And you got to stop doing that. You have to know in your heart, like, again, if she is like your sister, I don't sit there and do that with my family members.
Yeah.
You know, it's just like, you'll always be my sister. I mean, whether I like it or not, or my brother, and I don't want to talk to you right now and I'm really mad and I'm hurt, but it's, it's, um, yeah. Yeah.
Yeah, you're right. I'm nervous. I don't know why. I'm going to send this text message and I don't know what I'm expecting.
You're nervous because you know deep down you're going to have expectations and that she's not going to meet them.
Yeah. I mean, yeah, that is just the reality of that, but that's okay. I guess.
Yeah. I mean, I imagine if you send a text as I miss you and I love you and she doesn't respond to that or say something as simply as I miss and love you too, that would be very hurtful.
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