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Chapter 1: What is discussed at the start of this section?
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Chapter 2: How does Melanie feel about being intimidating in dating?
But not before you go on and give us a follow. How's it going?
Hi, my name is Melanie. I'm 33. And I'm wondering, am I too intimidating? Or am I oblivious?
What do you mean by both? I guess.
Okay, so I give a little context of my question. So I have been single for the past four years, I came out of a long term relationship. And I have been, you know, trying to navigate the dating scene. And
Chapter 3: What challenges does Melanie face in her dating life?
I've had a lot of bad luck and I've been working with a therapist in this time. And what she's told me for majority of things with men is that I'm too intimidating. That's why things aren't working out.
Did she elaborate on what she meant by intimidating? And I guess my follow-up question to that is, was that like... a news to you where you're like, Whoa, never heard that before.
Chapter 4: How does Melanie's past relationship affect her current situation?
Or did it like kind of, was it someone in line with maybe feedback or you've gotten before?
You know, kind of like, I can kind of see what she's saying. Like she kind of gives me context. Like, you know, I've got a good career. Um, I take care of myself. Um,
But a part of me just like, doesn't fully believe it because I also have girlfriends that are just as successful as me take care of themselves, you know, and they are able to find, you know, the problem is for a lot of these guys is like, I can't even get a follow-up after a first date, like, or, and now it's even progressed to even more. I can't even get like a date.
Like they'll ask me on a date and then I'll get ghosted.
Okay. Back to what your therapist was saying. Like, is it just, is she just referencing the fact that you have a successful career and that you take care of yourself? Like that it?
Yeah. I mean, like I think she, yes, I think she really emphasizes it mainly on the career. So I have my own business, which I mean is, you know, not, I know not everyone has it, but I'm not like, I really don't see myself as, is better than most with that. Like I think.
How do you bring, I mean, like, I guess, okay. So back to, you mentioned recently, I'm assuming a lot of the people you're connecting with are on the apps, so to speak.
You know, yes, in the past, but not honestly, not really anymore. All right.
So give me a couple examples of like, how did you meet these guys that you, I don't know, exchange numbers, whatever, communicated a little bit and then they just like disappeared or like, I get what, what are you guys, what are you talking about? You know, like, I mean, I'm just like, you know what I'm saying?
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Chapter 5: What steps should be taken if a partner is struggling with addiction?
with that, right? So maybe, I don't know, AA, you know, there are obviously things out there for addicts of any kind. And I, you know, whether it's your addicted alcohol or drugs or sex or gambling, addiction is addiction, right? You know, I'm pretty sure when you go to AA, it's not like, oh, hey, the alcoholics go over there, the gambling people over there.
I'm sure there's very specific types of groups for different types of addiction. But, you know, it sounds like he does have some kind of problem there.
Chapter 6: How can couples approach difficult conversations about trust?
And so if he's not, you know, as they always say, like admitting it, definitely big first step, right? But admitting it is, yeah, like they say, it's just a step, you know, there's a lot of more, there's many more steps, right? Yeah. If he doesn't address it, therapy is good that he's working through his problems.
But chances are, if he doesn't address it, he will find destructive and toxic ways of acting out, so to speak. Right.
And not to make excuses for this guy, but it's like maybe these interactions with these women are just like, it's scratching an itch that he sometimes is scratching through gambling or drinking or whatever, but until he really addresses the problem, the root problem, yeah, this acting out, it will be a challenge for him, probably.
Yeah.
Chapter 7: What options do couples have when facing relationship challenges?
I mean, that's what I'm terrified of with the wedding coming up of just like, how is this going to manifest? And he didn't tell his therapist about the gambling, even though it was actively happening while he was in individual therapy. And he didn't tell his other therapist about the cheating, even though he was actively cheating for multiple months.
So like, that's where it's challenging of like, it is great that he's willing to go to therapy. And at first he wasn't even willing to go to therapy or like, When just the panic attacks were happening, like he didn't want to go to therapy and he didn't want to take medicine.
And ultimately he came around to both of those things and is glad that he started both of those things because it has helped with the panic attacks and the mental health issues. But yeah, it is concerning that like therapy or just cutting out drinking completely aren't necessarily like the actual thing. solving everything. And so it just scares me of what this is going to turn into.
And I need to have patience. Like he's only had three individual therapy sessions. We are still living with family. So him getting a second job, him going to AA or like taking things more seriously is made more challenging by that.
But yeah, it's just hard to be patient while he works through things when we do have like this deadline coming up, but I feel like I need to be patient, but it's just been really, really challenging.
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Chapter 8: How can one navigate friendships after conflicts arise?
Yeah.
Yeah, listen, it's a tough situation you're in. I don't have a good answer for you. You will have to make that decision on your own. As I see it now, with this wedding four months away, obviously you can leave the relationship, right? That's option one. You clearly don't want to do that. You know, totally get why, right? And so option one, leave him. Option two, postpone the wedding.
I'm guessing that's not ideal because you would probably lose some money there, right?
objectively speaking whatever money you would lose by delaying the wedding might be more than worth it for a lot of reasons yeah it's not about the money it's more that we'd have to tell every single one of our guests an excuse and like that just feels like post like hitting the nuclear button of having to tell everyone in our lives everything that's happening maybe but if you get divorced you're gonna have to do that too yeah that's true
we're talking about the rest of your lives potentially. I mean, you can always get divorced, but like, you know, this relationship is at a point where no matter how it ends, if it were to end, It's going to be devastating for you on some level, and you're going to have to work through it, and you will, and you'll be okay.
And plenty of people have survived and worked through relationships ending and marriages ending and things like that. You will be okay, right? But I think when it comes to the situation you're in, you just have to really be...
pragmatic and honest with how things are going to play out long term right totally get that delaying a wedding is not ideal but objectively it's probably the most reasonable option in terms of okay if the worst thing i have to do is tell all our guests that this wedding isn't happening right now and they can gossip and they can question you can decide who
is privy to the actual truth and who of your guests you're just like, hey, this is not happening right now. Talk behind your back, whatever you guys deal with it. It's not the end of the world. People gossip all the time. And then you guys can, if this is a relationship that's really worth fighting for and investing in, the only people who really need to care are the two of you, right?
And if you're both thinking about each other and for each other, then it makes a lot of sense To say, now's not the time to put this added pressure of a marriage on this relationship that's already fragile. You have a lot of work to do. We have a lot of work to do. This is a lot of pressure. A marriage is not going to help this situation right now.
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