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The Viall Files

E1083 Ask Nick - My Ex is Paying My Tuition

23 Feb 2026

Transcription

Chapter 1: What relationship challenges does the first caller face?

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The good news?

Chapter 2: How should the second caller navigate meeting their boyfriend's kids?

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Don't forget, Vile Files Plus now offers ad-free episodes for all Vile Files episodes, including Ask Nick, Reality Recap, and Going Deeper Plus. If you love Ask Nick, you will absolutely love our Ask Nick updates, where you get updates of your favorite calls, our deep dive on all your favorite Reality Recap TV shows, and our popcorn.

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culture roundup where we talk about all your favorite pop culture topics that we didn't get to in this week's episode plus deep dives on our going deeper guest and so much more all you have to do is go to vile files plus and you will be lucky you did how's it going Good. How are you? Good. How are you?

Chapter 3: What does the third caller question about compatibility and spark?

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Good. What's your name? My name is Kelsey. I'm 31. And I am not sure if I'm running away or if I'm just not into the guy that I'm dating. Tell me about it. So we started dating about nine months ago in May of last year. It started pretty like hot and heavy. We were really into each other. Lots of chemistry. One thing that kind of caught me off guard, though, is he did say I love you pretty quick.

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It was like two weeks in. So from that point, I think I started being like, okay, well, is it too soon? Should he be saying this this fast?

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Chapter 4: How can past relationship experiences influence current dating?

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I kind of have a history too of jumping in relationships quickly. So, but I decided to keep giving a shot because I really liked him and the relationship went really well for, I would say about three months. And then in August over the summer, I started feeling like I was not getting enough time to myself.

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He wanted to be around me all the time, which is great, but I didn't have enough time to myself. I'm also a single mom. I've got a five-year-old daughter. And so just juggling all of that was really hard for me to find alone time. He was staying at my apartment almost every day with me. And so I did have a conversation with him about it. And I said, I felt like I wasn't getting enough

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you know me time and that i wanted like maybe just a couple days a week where it's just me at my apartment and you know he would go back to his place and he didn't like that um it caused some issues in our relationship he felt like i was pushing him away how did you i mean how did do you remember like how you presented that where it's just like yeah how did you talk about that Yeah.

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So we were just like hanging out at my apartment and I just said, you know, I also had just started a new job. So I just said, I've been really overwhelmed with this new job. I'm having a hard time balancing, you know, my new job, spending time with you, taking care of.

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And I feel like I'm just not taking time to take care of myself because I was really stressed out and, you know, kind of taking it out on him a little bit, too, because I wasn't getting that time to relieve my stress. And so I explained it in that way to him.

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Yeah.

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And then I also did tell him because we had started talking about marriage and when we would want to move in together. And I told him that I felt like things were progressing a little bit too fast for me. And how long have you been together at that point? At that point, we had only been together like three or four months.

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Okay.

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So it sounds like he was always the one like, you know, pushing things forward in terms of the move and talk and the marriage talk or the engagement talk or things like that. It was it felt at least from your point of view that it was him doing that. And you were more like trying to enjoy what you guys were were creating in a way from a relationship.

Chapter 5: What role does communication play in building a relationship?

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That's, that's really exactly what it was. And at first when I kind of felt like he might be love bombing me, but it was like, I couldn't really tell because he was giving me, you know, tons of compliments and like, buying me gifts. And he said, I love you two weeks in.

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And so like, I was really confused at the start of the relationship, but then as it progressed, it got a little bit more normal, if that makes sense. Like, you know, it was a lot more balanced as far as like him complimenting me and us just like being able to hang out and have a good time. But then at that point too, I was like,

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I still felt like things were moving too fast and he was already talking about marriage and like, I was open to the idea, but then when it came down to like the timeline of it, like he wanted to get married within like a year of us dating. And how old is he? He's 30. He just turned 30 in August. Never been married. This all happened right around his birthday. No, never been married or anything.

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Me either. Okay. We've never been married. So, yeah. So where are we now? Like how long you've been together now? not quite a year. It's been about nine months recently. So he still has his apartment that's cheaper rent than where I'm at. My lease ends at the end of next month. And so we did a little test run where I went and stayed at his apartment.

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My daughter and I stayed there for, I would say like two weeks. And honestly, I just got really anxious while I was over there. And I felt like, I'm not ready to be here. I want to go back to my own apartment.

Chapter 6: How can one balance emotional needs with dating expectations?

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And then there was little things that would happen where like little habits he has, you know, that I couldn't tell if it was like, I was getting annoyed because like, like I'm, you know, we're spending so much time together. Sometimes people annoy you, but I couldn't tell if it was that, or if it was like, maybe I'm just not happy in this relationship.

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And so I just sat down and talked to him and I said, I don't think I'm ready for this step in the relationship. I've been really anxious since I've been here to the point where it feels like I'm going to have a panic attack almost. And to me, it's like, I got to listen to that. So I talked to him about it. And again, he was like, well, I think you're just pushing me away.

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You're just pushing me away. It's fine if you want to go back to your apartment, but I really think you're just You're just pushing me away because you're scared. And so then what does that sort of gets in my head? Because, yeah, so that's what I'm like.

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Well, I don't think it's that he thinks that I'm scared because of my past relationships, because I did date a guy where I was ready for marriage with him and he wasn't. And so he broke the relationship off and that relationship did really hurt me. And so and he knows about that. And so he thinks that I'm pushing him away now because I'm scared of getting hurt again.

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And so where I'm at is like, I can't I can't tell if that's what I'm doing or. Well, when he says that, does that feel right? No, it doesn't. There you go. Yeah. Yeah, it doesn't feel right. I mean, like, no offense to him. I mean, listen, I say this all the time. People, you know, I'm not a therapist or psychologist. Doesn't mean his opinions aren't valid. I mean, people listen to the show.

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I have my opinions. People take it or leave it.

Chapter 7: What advice is given for dealing with pressure in relationships?

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The difference between him and I in this scenario is that he is emotionally invested in the outcome. And while I wish you nothing but the best, I guess I don't really care one way or the other. whether you stay with this guy or not. And so like, listen, like nothing against him, but like, he's obviously he's biased. He doesn't want to feel rejected.

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And I just think it's really important for you not to discount what he, he said, but like when he's telling you what he thinks it is, It's really important to listen to your body and what feels right or what feels wrong. He would probably do himself a favor by just trying to listen to you and make you feel heard and sound like he is emotionally mature enough to hear the feedback you have.

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without it triggering him to the point where he is acting like

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you're about to break up with him so to the you know where he's trying to convince you of like why you're feeling a certain way that has nothing to do with with him you know because you know everything i've heard about from me from you it's not like i you didn't call up and say how do i break up with my boyfriend he gives me the ick like that's not the headline you know that's kind of how he's acting when you you know it sounds like anytime you go to him and say hey listen i'm

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I'm feeling a certain way. And yeah, it just, it, it, one, it kind of makes it, I imagine that creates a lot of different feelings, you know, it's just like, well, I don't, I just want to talk to you and I want to feel like you hear me. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's really hard. And another dilemma I have, you know, I'm like 31. I do want to find someone one day. So I'm like, I don't know.

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It's a little bit scary being single again, especially having a kid and like trying to figure out how to navigate that as a single mom and like bringing my daughter into it. Cause now she's like sort of attached to this person and it's like, Yeah. So it brings up the question of like how to navigate dating moving forward if I don't end up with him. It's a little bit scary for me.

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It really sounds like mentally, deep down, you just don't think he's your guy. That's just kind of how it sounds. And that's okay. Just a small note. I wouldn't spend a lot of energy trying to figure out if he's love-bombing you.

Chapter 8: How important is it to set boundaries in new relationships?

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I think nine times out of ten, people can get excited. When they meet someone, they finally are excited. Everyone's having a hard time. meeting people, let alone finding someone they get a little excited about. And he got excited about you, which is, you know, and again, love bombing, not to really... it's really about, does it feel manipulative?

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It's like in the, in the heat of the moment, but I love you. And that's why I did what I did, even though it's just like, what does that have to do with? And, you know, and it feels manipulative. Like his love comes at the price and that is your approval or you, your submission to whatever it is he's asking for. Like someone who just,

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feels like they're getting carried away and excited and wanting to move. If there only is, I wanna move things forward, chances are they're just excited. you know, if they're not dangling a carrot, you know, then it's probably not love bombing, you know? So I wouldn't spend too much time trying to figure that out, you know, because like, again, love bomb is like a, is a form of abuse, you know?

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Um, it doesn't sound like you feel like he is emotionally abusing you. He's just a little, he's just a little excited. He's just a little immature potentially, you know, he's, 30 years old, he's kind of entering potentially a new phase of his life. He's trying to adult here. He wants to do the right thing.

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I imagine for a single man who meets a single mother, there's probably a lot of uncharted territory for him. He probably wants to do the right thing and he might not know what the right thing is. His problem is he would probably do well just to like Again, listen a little bit.

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And I think all young men or men in general, I think we can all humble ourselves a little bit into acknowledging what we don't know, asking for help, things like that. He may learn this along the way. But as far as you dating... Let's assume you end this relationship. I mean, listen, I don't, yeah, dating is hard. And I'm not a single mom or a single parent.

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So take whatever I say with a grain of salt, you know? But like, I think one, your kid will be okay. Whatever connection she has to this person, people will come and go out of their lives. You know, that just, that's happened. That'll be a learning opportunity for your kid. Not being said,

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dating in the future, you, you're allowed to be a little bit more guarded or maybe learn a lesson from this experience where you realize, listen, I might date someone for a year only to realize I might not want to end up with them, you know? And I, maybe I just, does that mean you have to wait a year to introduce someone to your kid? No, but it might mean that like,

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you are a little less, you know, like him kind of low-key moving in with you guys earlier in the relationship and spending many nights there. That might be something you put a stop to, you know? Yeah. It also could just be an opportunity to test out the emotional maturity of some of these people you date, you know? How do they react to hearing disappointing things?

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