Welcome back to another episode of The Viall Files: Ask Nick Edition! This week, we want to say THANK YOU for your dedicated listening throughout the years, we truly appreciate you! Our first caller’s BFF got married to her cousin and didn't invite her. Our second caller is a single mother by choice, but has a hard time committing to men. And, our third caller is questioning whether she should end her 6 year relationship. “There’s something inside of you telling you that this is not enough.” Listen to Humble Brag with Cynthia Bailey and Crystal Kung Minkoff every Monday starting October 21st! Available wherever you get your podcasts and YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@humblebragpod https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/humble-brag-with-crystal-and-cynthia/id1774286896 https://open.spotify.com/show/4NWA8LBk15l2u5tNQqDcOO?si=c03a23d537f94735 Start your 7 Day Free Trial of Viall Files + here: https://viallfiles.supportingcast.fm/ Please make sure to subscribe so you don’t miss an episode and as always send in your relationship questions to [email protected] to be a part of our Monday episodes. To Order Nick’s Book Go To: https://www.viallfiles.com If you would like to get some texting advice, send an email to [email protected] with “Texting Office Hours” in the subject line! To advertise on the show, contact [email protected] or visit https://www.advertisecast.com/TheViallFiles THANK YOU TO OUR SPONSORS: Skylight Frame - Get $20 off your purchase of a Skylight Frame when you go to https://www.SkylightFrame.com/FILES Helix Sleep - Get 5% off Sitewide + 2 FREE Dream Pillows with any mattress purchase when you visit https://www.HelixSleep.com/viall Huckberry - For 72 hours, get 15% OFF at Huckberry’s only Sitewide Sale of the year—your chance to snag rare prices on industry icons. Visit https://huckberry.com/theviallfiles Manscaped - Get The Chairman™ Pro Package today and experience a shave that is as smooth as you deserve. Get 20% off + free shipping with the code VIALL20 at https://www.Manscaped.com MasterClass - MasterClass always has great offers during the holidays, sometimes up to as much as 50% off. Head over to https://www.MasterClass.com/nick for the current offer. Episode Socials: @viallfiles @nickviall @justinkaphillips @dereklanerussell
Chapter 1: What should I do about my best friend marrying my cousin?
Good. My name is Stacey. I'm 30 from Toronto, Ontario. My best friend married my first cousin and I need to know if I should cut her off.
Sounds like maybe she cut you off.
It sounds like she did.
Well, what do you mean by cut her off exactly? As opposed to like, I don't know, maybe just like having a conversation with her about how you feel about it.
That is possible. I just feel like I expressed to her prior to her getting married that if she did have an elopement without inviting me or she knew that she was going to elope, that if she did that, I would be personally upset about it because she's my best friend. I introduced her to my cousin. And I expressed my feelings prior to, and she completely disregarded how I felt.
Okay. But to be clear, your friend eloped?
She did elope. Yes. She ended up eloping and they invited all of his siblings and one of our other uncles to be a part of it. So she knew on Monday that she was going to get married on Thursday. And then she sent me a photo Thursday night of her holding a marriage certificate.
Don't you think cutting her off is a bit hasty?
So since I've emailed you, what I've considered is that I don't need to cut her off. I can just keep it super amicable and cordial, but there's a sticky situation here. My best friend and I, we own a business together and we operate together. So we have a cleaning business and I knew that eventually she wouldn't need to move away.
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Chapter 2: Is cutting off a friend the right decision?
She got married because she wanted to stop, feel the shame that she has been raised to feel when she does something that she's been told is a sin. She didn't uninvite her family. She uninvited shame to her wedding.
And a good perspective.
And she didn't feel shame from his family. And I don't know where you fall into that equation, but it sounds like you didn't approve of her getting married per se.
So when she met my cousin, when we were heading down to where he's from, my father had told her, whatever you do, don't get involved with those guys that you're about to meet. And she had never met them. She didn't really care to meet them at the time. When we had driven down to his state, she was just coming fresh out of telling her coworker that she had developed strong feelings for him.
And she was getting over that heartbreak and the entire ride down. She just read her Bible, cried and prayed. And so when we met my cousin, I know how my cousin is. And I said to him, look, she takes her relationship with Jesus super serious. She doesn't want to have sex before marriage. Please leave her alone because I know you're not like that.
And so I'm asking you out of respect to just leave her alone. And he was like, watch how fast I can get her in bed with me. And that was I felt like was his mission and his only mission. And so since he said that to you, point blank. Yeah. In my face.
Did you tell her that?
I did. And she was like, she didn't care to see him at the time. And so the next time they had met after their initial meeting was in Detroit. And I decided to go with her. She asked me if I could chaperone her weekend with him. And I said, no problem. And so the first day we get there and they were going to go for a walk early in the morning and I want to give them their space.
Like she's 31, he's 25. So there is a bit of a gap there. And so I wanted to give them space and they said they'd be back in a couple of hours. They went and did their walk and I waited and waited and waited. I didn't want to text and pester them. But 10 hours later, they came back to the house. And they left me there with no food, no water, no keys to the car.
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Chapter 3: How do religious backgrounds affect relationships?
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Hi, I'm Claire. I'm 38 years old, and I'm having a problem dating because I'm self-sabotaging a lot, and I feel like I'm a bit of a red flag.
Okay. Why do you feel like you're self-sabotaging, and why do you think you're a red flag?
I think I tend to get a little overwhelmed very easily, so I end up ghosting. or I kind of lead people on a little bit. And I also feel like I can be a little bit of a red flag because I'm a single mom by choice. So I have my kids full time, which also makes dating very difficult.
Okay, so when you say single mom by choice, what do you mean by that?
I use a sperm donor to have both my kids.
Oh, very cool. Yeah, thanks. Okay, so it's really the choice to be a mom without having a partner is what you mean. But as far as the dating goes, you're still struggling with that. Just out of curiosity, why did you make that choice?
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