Chapter 1: What is Viall Files Plus and how can I join?
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Welcome back, Jane.
Thank you, Nick. I'm happy to be here. I wanted to give a little update.
After the holidays. Well, just to bring any audience members up to speed who aren't familiar with your story, you called in having a bit of an estranged relationship with your father, and you wrote him a very meaningful letter some time ago, and you did not get, I don't think, any response?
Yep. We spent the holidays together. We went to like a festival in my hometown, which is where he lives now. And it was him and his wife and me and my husband. And we actually had a really wonderful time. I, of course, took your advice, Nick, and kind of just met him where he was at.
And instead of trying to change him or have all these internal thoughts during, you know, the hangout about like, I wish he could be better. I wish he could understand me. I just tried to meet him where he was. And that allowed for a lot of authentic connection that also allowed for me to kind of realize the ways that we are similar together.
And how before I just wasn't really noticing those or accepting those parts because.
Question. In what way do you feel that you guys are similar that you feel is a weakness or an insecurity or a shortcoming that you relate to?
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Chapter 2: What updates does the guest share about their relationship with their father?
And when I don't show up places on time, that doesn't mean that I'm a bad person either. Just means that that is not something that comes naturally to either of us.
Yeah, it's interesting. And listen, interpersonal relationships specifically around family are tricky because like there's the security of their family. They're not going anywhere. I know that's not always the case for a lot of families, but there's this bond that friends don't have. You can become friends who are like brother and sister, but like,
You don't even have to like your sibling to love them and to want to do things for them or to have expectations of them. Obviously, in the parent-child relationship, it is that much more significant. But at the same time, I think people forget that even your parents are the main character in their story and you're the main character in yours.
And that's the perspective you're both coming from and all of us in life. When I interact with people or talk about people on the show in terms of my intentions of how they should feel about it versus how they feel about it. And we're all coming from that perspective. And so the only way that gets better is to check ourselves, right? That's great that you're able to do that.
Yeah, because it's really just about moving forward, honestly, like relitigating old fights. At some point, you do have to move on. At some point, an apology just has to be enough if you feel like it's sincere. You might not even fully agree about the situation, but they might be like, listen, yeah, that part, yeah, I totally fucked up there.
Listen, it wasn't my intention, but I get how you feel that way. I'm sorry. I'll try to be more careful. But sometimes you just got to move on. So awesome that you guys were able to do that. And if you sent me a 10-page letter or whatever, zero chance I'd read it.
It wasn't a 10-page letter.
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Chapter 3: How did the guest's holiday experience impact their relationship?
It was multiple pages. And I was 19 years old.
It was 10 years old. Nick is also dyslexic. Honestly, if you sent me a text that might only be three sentences.
He's still not reading that.
Not reading it.
Yeah, I know.
Basically, I'm speed reading it. I'm looking for keywords, you know, to be like, does it end on a positive note? Is it, you know, like, what's the energy? And I'm like, I know what I need to know. You know, we all, my point is we receive and give information differently. And you being aware of that is a step in the right direction. So I appreciate that.
Absolutely. And I, you know, I kind of realized like now that I'm almost 30, like, writing a letter to my dad is not necessarily the way that I want to communicate with him. I feel like that was more coming from my mom a little bit. Like that's how she would communicate with him. That's how she would communicate with people.
And I'm just, I'm just kind of learning like, yeah, me at 19 writing a letter to my dad about how he didn't show up well is just like, that doesn't align with how I deal with issues anymore. So yeah.
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