Ep. 269 - Ranking Every Fast Food Fries
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What is the episode’s opening premise and the Lamborghini adventure?
Welcome to a very special episode of The Yard. Two of our members are gonna be gone this week and what the monkeys call business, the horses
call play. Here's the thing. We we are Jack in the Box. We're ordering our first set of fries. We're gonna try every fry available to us in beautiful sunny Los Angeles.
How do the hosts introduce their fry‑rating system and tier categories?
I would like to impose a bit of a rating system. What is happening? And also, we got a Lamborghini.
Kijk!
We can't fit. Please, please don't Ple you're hitting the car bridge. Richard?
Richard, you're hitting the curve. And I
will I we
will swiftly fire. We will flog you. We will flog you, we will tar you.
So if you guys don't know, Rich is our producer and he's driving the Lamborghini, which apparently is an awful idea. We were gonna get you driving gloves. We were gonna deck you out. We were gonna make you look like in the SpongeBob band.
And to all you fucking weirdos on Reddit that does not mean Rich's zipper, you stupid fucking bitch. Jesus, fuck. Producer, they don't know what the word means. They don't know what the they don't know what anything means. Okay, hold on. I'm getting ahead the the the it's creeping. Let me just h hold the staff.
You don't want to break anything in this Lamborghini.
Because I'll
break everything in this Lamborghini.
My time with it. I will break everything. I will get the staff from you. I want I would like to impose a bit of a rating system on this, on this, I don't know, uh exploratory our findings, if you will. First of all, um, I would like to say the tier list order. We have four tiers. Archie can put all this on screen graphically. We have four, and if you're an audio listener, you can imagine. We have first the goaded tier. Uh that's just exactly what it sounds like. Then we have High variance. That is tier two. You might think that would be a lower tier, but the purpose of high variance is to cover what I kind of expect to be like an in-and-out fry, which is like sometimes they're peak, sometimes they're trash.
I know people in the comments who aren't from California are like they're always trash. Kill yourselves, don't care. The third tier that we go into, what was it again? It was a sauce shovel. Sauce shovels. These are fries that do not have enough merit under their own volition. They're they're edible, but really they are a a way to get sauce in sauces into your mouth, your ranches, your ketchups, your chip your Chipotle seasonings. And then the last tier is inedible. These are fries that after eating one, I don't want another, even if I'm kind of hungry, they're just kind of gross.
Yeah, I mean I th I think a lot of I do think there will be a a g a nice curve in the middle tiers the two middle tiers here because to be a goated fry is to be something that's just celebrated and amazing and to be inedible is like Th the bar for a fry is pretty low. Let's I mean let's be honest. But sometimes you get a fry and you're like, fuck me, yuck. And sometimes high variants can im can get involved here. One time I had McDonald's fries that were so salty I threw up.
Like immediately?
I threw up
after eating them. They were too salty. We've all had so we've all had so many different French fry adventures. I'm so excited to embark on this journey with you. I suggested you go to BJ's because I love their fries and you scotch. Do not
get me started. I will break everything in this Lamborghini, especially Rich's fingers. I have to pay for all this?
Do you have a yard card? It's it's insert only. Dude. This is I am I'm furious. Richard, do not touch the camera. Jesus Christ for Shark. We are going to flog you. That's the thing. I don't care that we're in a Lamborghini. You're going to be flogged.
Just
use my phone. No, you can
try
it.
I'll just use my phone. I just use my phone! Can I please just impose my system? I haven't gotten to my system. Um okay, we we need to
talk about a couple things. Let's f for one. Let's talk about this immediate situation that we're dealing with now. Uh Jack in the Box has two different types of fries. They have curly and they have regular. That's right. We decided that if they offer two different types of fries that are naked fries, we will get them both and we will judge them accordingly.
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Chapters
8 chapters
1
What is the episode’s opening premise and the Lamborghini adventure?
0:00–0:14
2
How do the hosts introduce their fry‑rating system and tier categories?
0:14–16:55
3
What are the hosts’ first impressions while tasting the nacho fries?
16:55–51:34
4
What do the hosts think about Five Guys burgers and fries?
51:34–1:03:24
5
How do the Wingstop fries compare to other fast‑food fries?
1:03:24–1:21:38
6
Why are crinkle‑cut fries at Del Taco getting so much talk?
1:21:38–1:45:05
7
Why do the hosts rave about In‑N‑Out fries and how do they compare them to other fast‑food fries?
1:45:05–2:16:18
8
What happened to the Lamborghini and how does it affect their budget and future plans?
2:16:18–2:40:54