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Chapter 1: Why is neglecting yourself not a sign of failure?
You aren't a loser for neglecting yourself for two weeks. So what? You've procrastinated a bunch of things you had to get done. You haven't gotten back to your friends. Maybe you've been a really bad friend. Maybe your personal hygiene has taken a hit in the last two weeks. Hey, it happens.
And I think that that last phrase, it happens, is something we forget to repeat to ourselves and therefore we almost like gaslight ourselves into thinking that this is just how it's going to be forever. When really all you need to do is reframe it. But reframing is lame. Nobody wants to reframe anything.
If you objectively have not looked after yourself, you told somebody that you were going to go to a party and then all of a sudden you're playing Minecraft for three hours and you're like, I don't really want to go to this. So you fade it. And then your friends are kind of questioning you being like, dude, what is going on with you? You aren't yourself.
You aren't excited to go after the things that matter to you. You're just like sitting around waiting for something to happen. Like, are you good?
Chapter 2: How can reframing your mindset help with self-care?
what is there to reframe objectively you're you're messing up but the more that you tell yourself that you are the bigger the hole you dig in and just like in minecraft what do they tell you you never dig straight down how do you dig yourself out of this loop Well, first, my friend, I want you to know you're talking to an expert.
I'm somebody that loves to neglect myself, especially when I lose momentum. When I fight so hard to gain something, whether that's consistency in the gym, whether that's feeling like I have a good grasp over my relationships, feeling like I'm just being loved and respected. When I lose that, I throw all of it aside. And I don't take care of myself.
And I am the first to revolve my entire day around self-loathing. But I've learned a couple things. My goodness, there's like a fly flying around trying to eat me. I've learned a couple things. And funny enough, I've learned them.
from this guy right here there's i think three plants that you can see over there that big one is the monstera the smaller one is uh this vine right here is a pothos and then this right here i got from my neighbor it's a petunia very cool i grew this uh this plant right here when my roommate was going to europe and it was uh i remember it it was it was kind of like a
Like there was like one vine, okay? I did it for the vine, that's why I did it. I wanted to see this plant grow into something special and I saw it had a little bit of green, so there was an opportunity to grow it. And this pothos has been growing for roughly a year now, almost. And it only recently has really become this beautiful vine of wonder and magic.
But really, it took a lot of boring hours. A lot of ladaring, right? A lot of just like, man, I gotta just water this guy once this week. I gotta give it a bigger pot. And I didn't see a lot happening. And I think this is the problem with a lot of us when we get into our lives is we create this kind of routine of despair, right?
You know that you woke up late, so you know you're going to piss the rest of the day away. You know you're going to sit on your phone. You know you're going to be like, whatever, I'm throwing in the towel. I'm going to start tomorrow. It's like 5 p.m. You're telling yourself, I'm going to go to bed early so I have a better start on the next day. And then it's 2 a.m. And you've done it again.
Well, why are you doing it again? It's because the care... that you probably need is not what you are giving yourself. Instead, you are doing the exact opposite of what your mind and what your body probably need. For me, a lot of the time, that is adventure.
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Chapter 3: What are the dangers of procrastination and isolation?
I don't give myself that. I confine myself to my four walls and I tell myself, work. And if you don't work, you are a bad person. You are not worthy. When in reality, says who? I'm not framing things in a matter of like, hey, if you're interested in building a shelf and you want to learn carpentry, go and learn it. It is you are not a carpenter. Shut up and do your job. No, duh.
You don't want to listen to yourself. Imagine if you had a boss like that. You probably had a boss like that. If you worked in food service or retail, that just tells you what to do and doesn't give you a motivating reason. It's like, do it because it's your job. You're not going to listen. You don't care. If you got fired from that job, it's whatever, right? Unless the tips are good.
Okay, maybe it's worth it. But why would you listen to yourself if you're going to be disrespectful? If you're going to treat yourself like some kind of disposable worker, you are the only person that can take care of yourself.
But what I wanted to tell you, my niece is struggling with her studies. Semester contribution, laptop, books, software, mobile phone, internet. Hey, such a master's is really expensive. Oh, tell her, she can get it back. Yes, you mean from the tax deduction, right? But she doesn't earn it. No matter, magic word loss lecture. Just do it with Wieso Steuer.
And when she works then, it's called ka-ching. That works? Safe. Wieso Steuer. Get your money back. Now try it for free.
But instead what we do is we just, we use ourselves like a template for what we can get away with. How bad can I treat myself? How terrible can I make my situation? If I'm in a bad spot, instead of finding the bridges that I can build myself out of here, I am going to dig straight down. Stop digging straight down. If it's been a week, it's been two.
And everything you do hasn't changed your circumstances. The plates are still stacking up in the corner of your room.
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Chapter 4: How do personal experiences shape our self-care routines?
You do feel like there is an impending doom to this world, which who knows anymore, right? Could be. If you keep this same routine, this same space, you're just going to do it again and again. And one thing that has really helped me is understanding, for example, why I am doing what I am doing in the current moment in time. I've had a weird relationship with my gaming tendencies recently.
I'm not a gamer, but when I do play video games, I'm either playing GTA, FIFA, or Minecraft. Those are the holy three. But even that, I haven't played FIFA in years. I'd get cooked if anyone played me right now. But hey, if you want to tap in with Zerk, you might have to. Do a little 1v1, I'm... A little PSG versus Real Madrid. Let's do it.
No, but I've been playing Minecraft a lot with my girlfriend. We've been in a long distance relationship for a year and some change now. And Minecraft has been this really fun way of just like hopping on and bonding with each other. We don't get to see each other that often. We're pretty far away. So this world has become like this symbolic dating spot. You know, we go on dates.
When we go mining, it's a date. When we build our house, it's a date. And that's like a house that we can actually own right now. So hey, I'm for it, you know? It's not $400,000. It's like 20,000 cobblestone. I'll take it. But in this time, I've had some... older tendencies resurface.
I used to distract myself from loneliness, from isolation, from feeling like I wasn't liked by my friends, whatever, feeling like I was worthless by playing copious amounts of Minecraft, a lot of Minecraft. I used to build buildings, skyscrapers. I wanted to build the Burj Khalifa in Minecraft at one point.
And so I was studying to do that by building different skyscrapers and you'd go on these servers where they had creative plots and you could get plots of land and build on these plots of land, cities and stuff. And for me, it became this escape. And in a similar sense,
I've had to make the distinction in Minecraft when I am playing to spend time with my girlfriend and when I am playing to distract myself from my lack of self-care. The fact that I'm staying up late, the fact that I'm not on my routine, the fact that I've been kind of neglecting doing simple things for myself because there's something at the core that is making me feel bad.
And it's the fact that I'm not letting myself experiment and have fun. Which is weird, because isn't that the point of Minecraft? Right? You could take the same example and apply it to the gym. A lot of us have faced this. No matter your age, no matter your gender. You go to the gym and you seek refuge in the gym because you were called something.
Someone told you, made fun of you for the way that you looked. You were too scrawny, too big, too wide, too short, whatever. So you go into the gym, to the Church of Iron, and you start pumping.
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Chapter 5: What lessons can we learn from gardening about personal growth?
And when you start pumping, you realize how good it is for you and how it makes you feel and how it's nice. It's cool seeing your gains in real time. But you also... fall in this trap where you've self-actualized this person that you wanna be, you've gained some muscle, whatever, and it can go one of two ways, usually. One is that it's not enough.
So then you hop on things like, you know, you start eating the trend bologna sandwiches and you start really, really being obsessed with your body dysmorphia. Another thing is that you realize the person that called you ugly or whatever, they never really cared about you. Their opinion doesn't really matter.
And so you are thrown in this weird kind of middle room where you're like, do I keep going to the gym for myself? Or like, do I even need to do this? And this thing that in theory was supposed to help you and supposed to be good for you, it ends up just like consuming your life. It ends up being an escape for a lot of people from that initial problem, which I think that going to the gym is good.
But if you're doing it because somebody told you, like you are not worthy the way that you are and you're not doing it to better yourself, you will not be able to build it as a consistent habit because it's not about it being fruitful to you. It's about it being fruitful as a tool for revenge or as leverage against a person that once did you dirty.
At the end of the day, nobody is coming to tell you that your suffering is doing any good. No matter how many times somebody sympathizes with you, there comes a point where it's just... You're not getting that... that high of like I'm doing something bad that's not good for my well-being. And it's kind of cool that I'm doing this. And it's kind of cool that... I shouldn't be staying up late.
But I am. I should be working on this project. But I'm not. I shouldn't be playing these games... Because I really want to work on this idea. Or spend time with my loved ones. But I'm going to. Because I'm worthless. You will just continue to create evidence... And little tokens... That you can feed yourself with. That you are indeed that. And it's tiring, bro. It's so tiring.
You're going to look back at that one day, maybe, and think to yourself, dude, where did all this time go? Why did I loathe myself so much? Why did I not
give myself a little bit more grace which is really what a lot of us need and find a way to work with myself because another problem that I've ran into is thinking that life is all or nothing that every part of your life is either you are committed and it is all of your being that is committed to something or you give it up And you're going to learn very quickly, it's not that way.
If you treat yourself that way, by that same logic, let's say you want to get better at writing. You tell yourself, I want to be a better writer, I'm going to write every single day. Okay, first day comes around, you write. Second day comes around, it's a little bit harder, but you write again.
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Chapter 6: How can we break the cycle of self-loathing?
It's kind of a drastic, like, my goodness. But that's why you gotta increase... the water slowly to bring your boat back up to where you were treading water. Because if you don't, you're going to keep sinking. You're going to keep going down. So, I guess I'm learning this as I'm saying this out loud. One of my problems is that I don't really do that enough.
Instead, I stack the L's on top of each other. Instead of turning my L's, making two of them into a W. And thinking to myself, okay, what has been good? What has been something that I have done well? I am proud of myself for the things I built in Minecraft with my girlfriend. I think it's really cool.
I'm proud of myself for the fact that yesterday I told myself internally, I want to go out and do something today. I want to go to the Lady Bird Lake Trail in Austin and walk around and film some stuff and I did that. I wanted to work on a little intro for a project I've been working on and I did that. I wanted to call one of my friends and I did that.
All of these small things get overlooked in this dust storm of doubt. of you're not doing enough, of it's not perfect so it's not good. But when was it ever perfect? Even in your moments where you felt like you had the most going on for yourself, you were still making mistakes.
Even on the things that you have worked so hard for in your life, regardless of that being an art project or that being a national championship or that being something as simple as a birthday card you made for a relative. You made mistakes. There were decisions you had to go through to find your way. And the funny thing is, I've made this video probably five times now.
But it is one of those things that I have to keep reminding myself. Because I do it over and over and over again. I forget this lesson. And this is something that is so, I guess, eye-opening in terms of the way I view the world now. Patterns repeat. Your bad habits will creep up on you. And that is okay. A lot of people talk about you're supposed to eradicate all the bad.
But I don't know if you quite do. I think it's good to continue to fuel the person that you want to be versus the person that maybe right now you are by yourself.
doing things that push you out of your comfort zone by like showing up for yourself, being like, you know, your mom, when you would wake up in the middle of night and ask, Hey, I'm feeling sick and she'd bring you some tea, maybe make it take a Tylenol or something. Being that kind of caregiver to yourself, that's struggling. It's so important. When I look at everything now, even
Dude, I've been cooking for myself for the first time in like months and I've been making some fire. Dude, I made kebabs the other day. I made today I made candied bacon. I've been chefing it up like a future husband. Let me tell you, which, by the way, if you want like W Riz, no matter man, woman, whoever, however you identify, learn how to cook. Learn how to cook.
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