it's not over.are things out of your control? yes. does it feel crushing to not see any progress as you try to improve your situation? absolutely. but it doesn't mean you can't change.be patient, focus on the things you can control. find out what you can change moving forward, DO NOT get stuck ruminating in the past. that's how you build resentment towards yourself.sending you all tons of love and peaaaaaaaaaaaaaace!https://stan.store/thezurkieshow
Chapter 1: What do you do when there is no hope?
Sometimes you couldn't change anything at all. It had nothing to do with how you acted. It was genuinely them. You know how sometimes you get broken up with? It's not you, it's me. Most of the time that's Cap, but sometimes it's true. It's true. It really isn't you. It's the other person that is not... They're not ready. She wasn't ready. They're not ready. What do you do when there is no hope?
None. Your brain has basically made your environment into a shell for you to sit in and realize how bad everything is in your own life, how bad everything is in a situation that you're in. You are holding on to dear life. with your girlfriend, boyfriend, partner. You have had multiple conversations about trying, trying to save this relationship, but you can tell you're more in it than they are.
They're checked out. They're checked out on a first-class flight to, I don't know, Hingeland. In moments like that where there is no hope, Things are out of your control. You have submitted your paper that you low-key, you know, waited to the last minute to submit. You know, it happens.
There is this level of anxiety and this fear that still holds on and grips tight onto a lot of the situations and a lot of the hard moments in our life. And this thought has helped me a lot. It's actually helped me realize that some things are better left out of our control. And that is asking yourself, what can you change? What can you change?
Chapter 2: How can you reflect on what you can change?
Because in a lot of situations, you can't change a lot, right? The way in which you acted, the way in which you did something, you said something, it is what it is. Famously, it is what it is. You cannot do anything to really revert that. You decided to hook up with somebody you're not very proud of. Hey, it happens, fam. Come on now. What can you change?
You can't really change anything about that. You know that you had a lackluster year at school. You promised yourself that you were going to do better. You were going to lock in. You were going to learn trigonometry or something, you know. And halfway through, you're like, this is cooked. Like, whatever. It's fine. What can you change?
In a lot of the situations in our life, we can actually change a lot. We can. But a lot of that has to come from reflection. From realizing that the way in which you acted was not the way that you wanted to act or it was bad in some kind of way. It made you feel bad. It made somebody else feel bad. It was a bad outcome. Without reflection, you don't know what you can change. You don't, right?
To the same point, sometimes you couldn't change anything at all. Sometimes they just, they did not see your worth. They did not see your value. And that's why the relationship ended. That's why you felt distant from them. You felt them pulling back from you. That's why. It had nothing to do with how you acted. It was genuinely them. You know how sometimes you get broken up with?
It's not you, it's me. Most of the time that's Cap. But sometimes it's true. It's true. It really isn't you. It's the other person that is not you. They're not ready. She wasn't ready. They're not ready. Going back to feeling hopeless. There was a period in my life where I would wake up every morning and look at the ceiling and I felt like I was in a reptile cage.
I was living at home with my parents and I was doing community college and I just... Things sucked. I had a fallout from a relationship that was pretty traumatic. I...
Basically had to relearn how to be myself because I had lost myself in that relationship so deeply I had stopped doing things that I enjoyed I had stopped feeling like myself and Now I was a shell of the person that I once was before that it all happened Now this for me was only a few years some people go through this kind of feeling their entire adulthood their entire teenage years their entire entire entire life
Entire life. The main thing I realized was that... I... I don't want to feel this way. I didn't want to feel that way. Sure, it was kind of cool to like silk... You know, sulk in it a little bit. And be like... Everything sucks. Oh my gosh. This is so mad. But at some point I was like... Dude... I don't like this. This is bad. I do not like how I feel. I don't deserve this.
Do you deserve to feel the way that you do right now? I mean, maybe you don't. But in my situation, I kind of flipped it on me and I was like, wait a minute. I haven't even made an effort to change. I haven't even made an effort to do something for myself. I have just gotten in this routine of treating myself one way, treating myself really poorly, thinking about her.
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Chapter 3: What small changes can improve your life?
Famously the new Pink Panther's album. It's great. That could be something you could change. And it's the small things first. It's the things in your environment... Are you getting some kind of sunlight into your room? That was a big thing for me, man. I wasn't. I was like, I would close the blinds. It'd be all dark. I'm like, I don't want anyone to see me. But the sun is good.
Gets me up and moving. I like it. Small changes. When you start tackling the small changes... and you start to just focus on those things and build a little consistency in that, you are then able to ask, what can you change on a bigger level? There's levels. On the next level. Maybe right now you are very insecure. There are things that you are not secure about.
You do not like the fact that everyone around you, oh my goodness, knows what they're doing with their life, which I'll let you in on in a little secret. But let's say you think that way, right? You think everyone around you knows what they're doing. You have no clue what to do. Well, part of tackling that insecurity is asking yourself what you like to do.
And if you don't know, that's something you can change. You can try stuff. You can try stuff. You don't have to wait for permission to do something good for yourself. You don't have to wait for permission or ask somebody if you can learn a new instrument or if you can learn a new skill or if you can take a course on accounting. There's nobody that's gatekeeping that from you. Finances might.
Chapter 4: Why is journaling important for personal growth?
Finances might. In that case, you got to figure it out. Sadly, some people are very fortunate parents credit card or tap to pay you know some of us nope you go up to your parents and they'd be like nope okay that sucks what can you change about that do you got to tap into a job a job ski work at Whataburger maybe is it going to be the most glamorous thing in the world no
But is it something you can change and, you know, it'll get you to where you want to be? Yeah, it's a step. It's a step. Another thing that we need to change oftentimes is our outlook on ourselves. A lot of us are beating ourselves up. Literally. Literally. Like on some Khabib level, we're making ourselves suffer. For what? For what? And I get it. You can be self-deprecating, okay?
You mess up your order at Peter Terry's. You know, you can laugh at yourself and be like, oh, I'm so dumb. But it's different when it's all the time. And your default for everything is, I'm such an idiot. I'm so stupid. Because that's not right. Because deep down when you make those jokes and you got the whole squad laughing, you know it's true. That's the truth. You know it's true.
That's why you're saying it. And that is something you can change. You can change that. Because you would not treat somebody else in that way. Unless you're just a villain, bro. And some people are villains. Oh my goodness. But you would not treat somebody else in that way. Why would you treat yourself like that?
Even if you make mistakes, even if you did get out of bed late, even if you did mess something up on your assignment, you turned it in and you got a fat C. Okay? You're rooting yourself in the past. That moment is gone. That moment is gone. You fumbled. Shot. Open. Hey, want to come over? You fumbled. Let's call it what it is. The moment has passed. And it's okay. Laugh about it. Cry about it.
Sometimes we laugh. Okay. Laugh about it. But don't stay there. Don't stay there. Look at that moment and ask yourself, OK, what could I have changed? What could I have done differently? Right. And then ask yourself, what can you change now? Right now. So next time it doesn't repeat. Because when it becomes a pattern is when it becomes a problem, because patterns are very hard to break.
They're very hard to break. People spend their entire lives breaking patterns because it's addicting. There's some kind of feedback loop in it that makes you want to keep doing it. Self-sabotage, sabotaging others, hating on other people, throwing other people under the bus. Like, the list goes on. But too many of us are rooted in the past. We're rooted in all the things we should have done.
Bro, I should have studied harder. Oh man, I should have started learning guitar when I was like 10. Dude, you're 18. You're 21. You're 28. You're 30, 37. It does not matter. It does not matter. What can you change? Because complaining is just, that's not going to do it. It's not going to do it.
And you can only complain so much after, you know, you kind of look inwards and be like, bro, like, what am I yapping about? I'm convinced that the world, the world language that all of us understand is action. It's the act of doing, doing the thing. Not saying that you will do something, being like, yo, I'm going to make a magazine, bro, and it's going to be crazy.
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Chapter 5: How do you tackle feelings of insecurity?
Because you know the truth deep down. We all do. It's just that truth hurts. It does. But when you know the truth and you acknowledge it, you're one step closer to asking yourself, what can you change? And what if the change that you do, that you make happen, Whether that's, I don't know, in your case, getting in shape.
In your case, actually focusing in on what makes you you as a person and not just finding the next relationship to distract yourself with. What if we're on the cusp of seeing the best version of you? or the version of you, scratch the best, because we're always going to be changing and improving.
And I don't think that there really is a best, but the version of you that you would be proud of, that you would take pride in, that would have confidence like you could never believe. What can you change? Really ask yourself this. What can you change? Because there are a lot of things that we can't change. We can't change who our parents are.
We can't change, you know, necessarily where we grow up until we move. We can't change sometimes the financial situation that we're in, in this moment of time. But there are a lot more things that are in our control than we think we have. There are.
The small habits, the way you treat yourself, the way that you treat others, the way in which you interact with the world, having respect for the places that you live in, that you visit, that you see. Interacting with people that work in certain places in a way that is reflective of your character and not, excuse me, you got my order wrong. That's how dare you. Things happen.
Stand up for yourself, bro. If you get ramen and the ramen is cold, ask him for it to be warm. But the disrespect usually comes from people who are... They got some demons. They got some demons deep inside. What can you change? What can you change? Maybe the change that you need to have is realizing you can't fix people. You can't... shove help down their throat if they don't want it. You can't.
They got to be willing to change. They got to figure things out on their own. You can serve as a guide. You can serve as a mentor towards people. But you cannot change people. You can't. They have to want to do that themselves. And there's no hard feelings with it. There's never hard feelings with that. But it's just... The reflection. The reflection.
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Chapter 6: What practical steps can you take to change your situation?
And turning your reflection of your emotions, of your situation into action. Oh, no, no, no. I'm not going to journal. I'm not going to do that. That's dumb. It's a perspective issue. Have you even tried journaling? No, no, it's lame. Have you tried it though? Have you sat down and tried to write something? Well, have you tried going to Chili's? Famously, I did for $60. All right, touche.
But if you just tried it, maybe you would realize it actually helps. It clears that part of your brain that is continuously bombarding you with negativity and telling you how worthless and a loser you are, which isn't true, which isn't true. Because chances are, if you asked a few people around you, they would tell you how good you are. But what if I'm introverted? Yeah. People still respect you.
They still like you. They still love you. But if we're not open to receiving that love, we won't get it. We'll never get it. We'll always think that we're the problem, we're the worst, we're mid. You have to be open to it. But that is something that you have to change. Within yourself. You have to change that. And it will not be easy because your brain is used to the way that you think.
So you will have to change the way that you think. You will have to sometimes lie to yourself. You think it's lying to yourself until you start to believe it. And you realize, wait a minute, I keep telling myself that I'm goaded, that I did something good for myself. And I did. I made my bed this morning. I went for a walk. I talked to a new person at school that seemed cool.
And hey, we're homies now. I got their Snapchat. We're streaking. You know, it's about... It's about the belief. But if you don't believe that, if you do not truly believe that there is a world in which you can change things, you won't even be able to ask this question. So I just want you, Zerky Show, to remember that you can change.
Sure, certain things in the situation you might not be able to, but you have to let go of it. You have to. And you can only, you can only truly focus on the things that you can change. What can you change? Today's episode was filmed in beautiful sunny Austin, Texas on Mount Bonnell. It's a beautiful place. You should definitely check it out. Did you know that The Zerky Show is everywhere you go?
That is right. You can watch it. You can scroll it. You can stream it. The choice is yours. So if you want to tap in, this is the way to tap in. Do the things that bring you joy. If you want to try something new, try something new. Because it is something you can change. I mean, everyone can try something new. For me, I want to try playing a pickup game in Austin, bro.
I have not played football, soccer in so long. So I'm going to try to do that soon-ish. Soon-ish. Other than that, if you need someone to believe in you, I believe in you. And Zerky show as always. You know the drill. I am sending you lots of love. Peace.
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