you fell for who they could be
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What does it mean to love someone fully, including their flaws?
I want her to be real. The version of her I have in my mind. I want her to exist in front of me. I want to be able to talk to her while we're sipping our coffee and discussing how good it is to be in a relationship together and how much we love each other. But she doesn't exist. Instead, what I'm faced with is somebody I've come to learn is, well, complaining about her problems that she's not going to change, is making everything in this conversation feel like a red alarm in a 737 cockpit as a aircraft pilot looks at it and is like, this plane's going down. Why is it so easy to romanticize somebody And then why do we repeat that process when we are delivered a nice slice of reality? Well, I think it's because accepting somebody's flaws is very difficult, especially when you haven't accepted your own.
I like to romanticize myself as much as I like to romanticize other people. I think of myself as this ideal version of who I can be and what I can do when it's not true. I like to think that this person would be able to match the best version of myself, but if she was who I thought she was in my mind, she would leave me. I mean, if I was in her shoes, I would leave me. What does that say about me? What does it say about you?
Why is it easy to romanticize people in our lives?
The way that you think about yourself and how you put it on other people and almost make it an expectation that they need to hustle to the standard of being your girlfriend, boyfriend, whatever. when in reality both of you are just doing the best you can and if you're not a match you're not a match we over complicate this so many times we try to save relationships that were doomed from the start we start we try to make excuses create these kind of like safeguards for like no no she is doing good it's just that she doesn't excite me i can't support her in the way that she needs support but we're doing just fine Romantization has made, I think, dating very difficult and it's made living a fulfilling life very difficult because the standards that are created are so unrealistic.
And we are now in a day and age where we're able to find any kind of examples tailored examples that are usually not even real they're made to be content for you to base an entire relationship on to base an entire person on and so we create these standards that are just not not something anyone is going to be able to live up to And I'm sure you've experienced this where you like see somebody and in your mind you create a whole life with that person. Which is so insane that you could do that. That's kind of crazy. That's kind of awesome that our brain has this capability of just seeing someone and being like, I can envision an entire existence of us living somewhere on the coast of California, you know, sipping a matcha because it's smoother, it's nicer, you know.
And eating a little cheesecake, whatever. And you tell me how much you love me. Even though I haven't even spoken a word to you. Or maybe that's like psycho behavior, and if it is, call me out, okay? But I'm sure you've done that too, where you're like, oh my gosh, this is the perfect person. No, it's not.
How do our own flaws affect our perceptions of others?
No, it's not. You're going to get messed up, buddy, you know? Yeah, the brain is an interesting thing that I'm still trying to figure out, and I'm still trying to wrap my head around, and I think that with... loving somebody and dating and all these things I know a lot of a lot of us are really like what do we do and and for me that was the same case like I was so jaded by the options I was so jaded by like am I gonna have to basically like fight through my relationship as in like emotionally battle all the time but I think we're over complicating a lot of it And we are romanticizing the person instead of looking for something that's good and works. You are looking at a magazine, seeing like that super expensive watch and being like, oh my gosh, this is what it is.
I need this. but your little Casio, you know, the Casios that have like the little, the digital watch, it tells you the time and it works great.
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Chapters
8 chapters
1
What does it mean to love someone fully, including their flaws?
0:00–1:41
2
Why is it easy to romanticize people in our lives?
1:41–4:13
3
How do our own flaws affect our perceptions of others?
4:13–5:48
4
What challenges do unrealistic standards create in relationships?
5:48–7:25
5
How can romanticizing affect our dating experiences?
7:25–9:52
6
What role does simplicity play in successful relationships?
9:52–12:04
7
How can we avoid overcomplicating our expectations in love?
12:04–13:48
8
What practical steps can we take to build healthier relationships?
13:48–21:11